
RIDING A BUCKING BRONCHO 



ROUGHING IT 



\ J 



By MARK TWAIN 



ILLUSTRATED 



Vol. I. 




NEW YORK AND LONDON 

HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS 

1904 



■A, 



&■ hrp&mb war oc*f 
MAR 6-1! 




Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, by 

The American Publishing Company, 
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 

Copyright, 1899 

By The American Publishing Company. 

Copyright, 1899 

By Samuel L. Clemens 



"1*0 Calvin H. Higbie of California, an honest 
■ man, a genial comrade, and a steadiast 
friend, this book is inscribed by the author in 
memory of the curious time when we two were 
millionaires for ten days. 



PREFATORY 



THIS book is merely a persona! narrative, and not a 
pretentious history or a philosophical dissertation. It 
is a record of several years of variegated vagabondiz- 
ing, and its object is rather to help the resting reader 
while away an idle hour than afflict him with met- 
aphysics, or goad him with science. Still, there is 
information in the volume; information concerning 
an interesting episode in the history of the Far West, 
about which no books have been written by persons 
who were on the ground in person, and saw the hap- 
penings of the time with their own eyes. I allude to 
the rise, growth, and culmination of the silver-mining 
fever in Nevada — a curious episode, in some respects ; 
the only one, of its peculiar kind, that has occurred in 
the land ; and the only one, indeed, that is likely to 
occur in it. 

Yes, take it all around, there is quite a good deal 
of information in the book. I regret this very much , 

<*> 



vi Prefatory 

but really it could not be helped : information ap- 
pears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious 
ottar of roses out of the otter. Sometimes it has 
seemed to me that I would give worlds if I could re- 
tain my facts ; but it cannot be. The more I calk 
up the sources, and the tighter I get, the more I leak 
wisdom. Therefore, I can only claim indulgence at 
the hands of the reader, not justification. 

THE AUTHOR. 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

RIDING A BUCKING BRONCHO Frontispiece 

HERE WAS ROMANCE Facing p. 90 

RESURRECTED VICES " 263 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER I. 

Appointed Assistant Secretary of Nevada — My Contentment 
Complete — Packed in One Hour — Dreams and Visions — 
On the Missouri River — A Bully Boat IS 

CHAPTER II. 
At St. Joseph — Farewell to Kid Gloves and Dress Coats — Armed 
to the Teeth — We Leave the " States"— " Our Coach" — 
Between a Wink and an Earthquake 1 8 

CHAPTER III. 

A Broken Thcroughbrace — Mails Delivered Properly — Sleeping 
under Difficulties — Sage-brush — Overcoats as an Article of 
Diet — Sad Fate of a Camel — Warning to Experimenters . . 25 

CHAPTER IV. 
Arrival at a Station — Strange Place for a Front-yard — Our Worthy 
Landlord — An Exile — ■ Slumgullion — Table Etiquette — 
Wild Mexican Mules — Stage-coaching and Railroading . 35 

CHAPTER V. 
New Acquaintances — The Cayote — A Dog's Experiences — A 
Disgusted Dog — The Relatives of the Cayote — Meals Taken 
Away from Home 47 



x Contents 

CHAPTER VI. 
The Division Superintendent — The Conductor — The Driver — 
Teaching a Subordinate — Our Old Friend Jack and a Pilgrim 
— Ben Holliday Compared to Moses • • 53 

CHAPTER VII. 
Overland City — Crossing the Platte — Bemis's Buffalo Hunt — 
Assault by a Buffalo — Bemis's Horse Goes Crazy — An Im- 
promptu Circus — Escaped by a Wonderful Method ... 59 

CHAPTER VIII. 
The Pony Express — Fifty Miles without Stopping — " Here he 
Comes" — Alkali Water — Riding an Avalanche — Indian 
Massacre 69 

CHAPTER IX. 
Among the Indians — An Unfair Advantage — Lying on our Arms 
— A Midnight Murder — Wrath of Outlaws — A Dangerous, 
yet Valuable Citizen 75 

CHAPTER X. 
History of Slade — Encounter with Jules — Paradise of Outlaws — 
Slade as Superintendent — As Executioner — A Prisoner — A 
Wife's Bravery — Hob-nobbing with Slade 82 

CHAPTER XI. 
Slade in Montana — " On a Spree " — In Court — Attack on a 
Judge — Arrest by the Vigilantes — Turn-out of the Miners — 
Execution of Slade — Was Slade a Coward ? 92 

CHAPTER XII. 
The Heart of the Rocky Mountains — The South Pass — The Part- 
ing Streams — Down the Mountain — Lost in the Dark — U. S. 
Troops and Indians — Sublime Spectacle — Among the 
Angels 99 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Mormons and Gentiles — Exhilarating Drink, and its Effect on 
Bemis — Salt Lake City — A Great Contrast — A Morgan Va- 
grant — Talk with a Saint — A Visit to the " King " . .112 



Contents xi 

CHAPTER XIV. 
Mormon Contractors — How Mr. Street Astonished Them — The 
Case before Brigham Young, and How he Disposed of it — 
Polygamy Viewed from a New Position 118 

CHAPTER XV. 
A Gentile Den — Polygamy Discussed — Favorite Wife and D 4 

— Hennery for Retired Wives — Children Need Marking — 
Fathering the Foundlings — The Family Bedstead . . . .123 

CHAPTER XVI. 
The Mormon Bible — Proofs of its Divinity — Plagiarism of its Au- 
thors — Story of Nephi — Wonderful Battle — Kilkenny Cats 
Outdone 132 

CHAPTER XVII. 
Three Sides to all Questions — Everything " A Quarter "— Shriveled 
Up — Emigrants and White Shirts at a Discount — "Forty- 
Niners" — Above Par — Real Happiness 143 

CHAPTER XVIII. 
Alkali Desert — Romance of Crossing Dispelled — Alkali Dust — 

Effect on the Mules — Universal Thanksgiving 149 

CHAPTER XIX. 
The Digger Indians Compared with the Bushmen of Africa — Food, 
Life, and Characteristics — Cowardly Attack on a Stage Coach 

— A Brave Driver — The Noble Red Man 154 

CHAPTER XX. 
The Great American Desert — Lakes without Outlets — Greeley's 
Remarkable Ride — Hank Monk, the Renowned Driver — 
Fatal Effects of " Corking " a Story — Bald-Headed Anecdote 1 59 

CHAPTER XXI. 
Alkali Dust — Carson Gty — Journey Ended — A Washoe Zephyr at 
Play — Government Offices — Our French Landlady Bridget 
O'Flannigan — Shadow Secrets — The Surveying Expedition . 168 



xfl Contents 

CHAPTER XXII. 
The Son of a Nabob — Start for Lake Tahoe — Splendor of the 
Views — Trip on the Lake — Camping Out — Reinvigorating 
Climate — Securing a Title — Outhouse and Fences . . . .180 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

A Happy Life — Lake Tahoe and its Moods — Transparency of 
the Waters — A Catastrophe — Fire ! Fire ! — Homeless 
Again — We take to the Lake — A Storm — Return to Carson 186 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
Resolve to Buy a Horse — Horsemanship in Carson — A Tempta- 
tion — Advice Given Me Freely — My First Ride — A Good 
Bucker — Attempts to Sell — Expense of the Experiment . .193 

CHAPTER XXV. 

The Mormons in Nevada — Early History of the Territory — Silver 
Mines Discovered — The New Territorial Government — In- 
structions and Vouchers — Toil-Gates 201 

CHAPTER XXVI. 
The Silver Fever — State of the Market — Silver Bricks — Tales 

Told — Off for the Humboldt Mines ........ 210 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

Our Manner of Going — Incidents of the Trip — A Warm but Too 
Familiar Bedfellow — Mr. Ballou Objects — Sunshine amid 
Clouds — Safely Arrived 216 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 
Arrive at the Mountains — Building Our Cabin — My First Gold 
Mine — Filtering the News to My Companions — The Bubble 
Pricked — All Not Gold that Glitters 222 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

Out Prospecting — A Silver Mine at Last — Making a Fortune with 
Sledge and Drill — A Hard Road to Travel — We Own Mil- 
lions in Claims — A Rocky Country 229 



Contents xiii 

CHAPTER XXX. 
Disinterested Friends— How "Feet" Were Sold —We Quit Tun- 
neling — A Trip to Esmeralda — My Companions — An In- 
dian Prophecy — A Flood — Our Quarters during it . . . 235 

CHAPTER XXXI. 

The Guests at " Honey Lake Smith's" — Determined to Fight —The 
Landlord's Wife — Another Start —Crossing the Carson — 
A Narrow Escape — A New Guide — Lost in the Snow . . 242 

CHAPTER XXXII. 

Desperate Situation — Attempts to Make a Fire — Our Horses leave 
us — Death Seems Inevitable — Discarded Vices — An Affec- 
tionate Farewell — The Sleep of Oblivion 254 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

Return of Consciousness — Ridiculous Developments — A Station 
House — Bitter Feelings — Fruits of Repentance — Resur- 
rected Vices 261 

CHAPTER XXXIV. 
About Carson — Gene ^ Buncombe — Hyde vs. Morgan — How 
Hyde Lost His Ranch — The Great Landslide Case — The 
Trial — A Wonderful Decision — A Serious Afterthought . . 265 

CHAPTER XXXV. 

A New Traveling Companion — All Full — How Captain Nye Found 
Room — The Uses of Tunneling — A Notable Example — We 
Go into the " Claim " Business and Fail — At the Bottom . 273 

CHAPTER XXXVI. 

A Quartz Mill — Amalgamation — " Screening Tailings" — First 
Quartz Mill in Nevada — Fire Assay — A Smart Assayer — I 
Stake for an Advance 278 

CHAPTER XXXVII. 

The Whiteman Cement Mine — Story of its Discovery — A Secret 
Expedition — A Nocturnal Adventure — A Distressing Position 
— A Failure and a Week's Holiday ....,,„, 286 



xiv Contents 

CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
Mono Lake — Shampooing Made Easy — Thoughtless Act of Our 
Dog and the Results — Lye Water — Curiosities of the Lake — 
Free Hotel — Some Funny Incidents a Little Overdrawn . • 294 

CHAPTER XXXIX. 
Visit to the Islands on Lake Mono — A Jump for Life — A Storm 
on the Lake — A Mass of Soapsuds — A Week on the Sierras 

— A Funny Explosion — " Stove Heap Gone" 300 

CHAPTER XL. 
The "Wide West" Mine — It is "Interviewed" by Higbie — A 
Blind Lead — Worth a Million — We are Rich at Last — 
Plans for the Future 308 

CHAPTER XLI. 
A Rheumatic Patient — Day Dreams — An Unfortunate Stumble 

— I Leave Suddenly — Another Patient — Higbie in the Cabin 

— Our Balloon Bursted — Regrets and Explanations . • .318 



ROUGHING IT 



CHAPTER I. 

MY brother had just been appointed Secretary of 
Nevada Territory — an office of such majesty 
that it concentrated in itself the duties and dignities 
of Treasurer, Comptroller, Secretary of State, and 
Acting Governor in the Governor's absence. A 
salary of eighteen hundred dollars a year and the 
title of " Mr. Secretary," gave to the great position 
an air of wild and imposing grandeur. I was young 
and ignorant, and I envied my brother. I coveted 
his distinction and his financial splendor, but par- 
ticularly and especially the long, strange journey 
he was going to make, and the curious new world 
he was going to explore. He was going to travel! 
I never had been away from home, and that word 
"travel" had a seductive charm for me. Pretty 
soon he would be hundreds and hundreds of miles 
away on the great plains and deserts, and among 
the mountains of the Far West, and would see 
buffaloes and Indians, and prairie dogs, and ante- 
lopes, and have all kinds of adventures, and maybe 
get hanged or scalped, and have ever such a fine 
time, and write home and tell us all about it, and 

(15) 



16 Roughing It 

be a hero. And he would see the gold mines and 
the silver mines, and maybe go about of an after- 
noon when his work was done, and pick up two or 
three pailfuls of shining slugs and nuggets of gold 
and silver on the hillside. And by and by he would 
become very rich, and return home by sea, and be 
able to talk as calmly about San Francisco and the 
ocean, and " the isthmus " as if it was nothing of 
any consequence to have seen those marvels face to 
face. What I suffered in contemplating his happi- 
ness, pen cannot describe. And so, when he offered 
me, in cold blood, the sublime position of private 
secretary under him, it appeared to me that the heav- 
ens and the earth passed away, and the firmament 
was rolled together as a scroll ! I had nothing more 
to desire. My contentment was complete. At the 
end of an hour or two I was ready for the journey. 
Not much packing up was necessary, because we 
were going in the overland stage from the Missouri 
frontier to Nevada, and passengers were only al- 
lowed a small quantity of baggage apiece. There 
was no Pacific railroad in those fine times of ten or 
twelve years ago — not a single rail of it. 

I only proposed to stay in Nevada three months 
— I had no thought of staying longer than that. I 
meant to see all I could that was new and strange, 
and then hurry home to business. I little thought 
that I would not see the end of that three-month 
pleasure excursion for six or seven uncommonly 
long years ! 



Roughing It 17 

I dreamed all night about Indians, deserts, and silver 
bars, and in due time, next day, we took shipping at 
the St. Louis wharf on board a steamboat bound up 
the Missouri River. 

We were six days going from St. Louis to " St. 
Joe" — a trip that was so dull, and sleepy, and event- 
less that it has left no more impression on my mem- 
ory than if its duration had been six minutes instead 
of that many days. No record is left in my mind, 
now, concerning it, but a confused jumble of savage- 
looking snags, which we deliberately walked over 
with one wheel or the other ; and of reefs which we 
butted and butted, and then retired from and climbed 
over in some softer place ; and of sand-bars which 
we roosted on occasionally, and rested, and then got 
out our crutches and sparred over. In fact, the 
boat might almost as well have gone to St. Joe by 
land, for she was walking most of the time, anyhow 
— climbing over reefs and clambering over snags 
patiently and laboriously all day long. The captain 
said she was a ' ' bully ' ' boat, and all she wanted 
was more " shear " and a bigger wheel. I thought 
she wanted a pair of stilts, but I had the deep sagac- 
ity not to say so. 



CHAPTER II. 

THE first thing we did on that glad evening that 
landed us at St. Joseph was to hunt up the 
stage-office, and pay a hundred and fifty dollars 
apiece for tickets per overland coach to Carson City, 
Nevada. 

The next morning, bright and early, we took a 
hasty breakfast, and hurried to the starting-place. 
Then an inconvenience presented itself which we had 
not properly appreciated before, namely, that one 
cannot make a heavy traveling trunk stand for 
twenty-five pounds of baggage — because it weighs a 
good deal more. But that was all we could take — 
twenty-five pounds each. So we had to snatch our 
trunks open, and make a selection in a good deal of 
a hurry. We put our lawful twenty-five pounds 
apiece all in one valise, and shipped the trunks back 
to St. Louis again. It was a sad parting, for now 
we had no swallow-tail coats and white kid gloves to 
wear at Pawnee receptions in the Rocky Mountains, 
and no stove-pipe hats nor patent-leather boots, nor 
anything else necessary to make life calm and peace- 
ful. We were reduced to a war-footing. Each of 

(18) 



Roughing It 19 

us put on a rough, heavy suit of clothing, woolen 
army shirt and ' ' stogy ' ' boots included ; and into 
the valise we crowded a few white shirts, some under- 
clothing and such things. My brother, the Secre- 
tary, took along about four pounds of United States 
statutes and six pounds of Unabridged Dictionary; 
for we did not know — poor innocents — that such 
things could be bought in San Francisco on one day 
and received in Carson City the next. I was armed 
to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's 
seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homoeo- 
pathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a 
dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It 
appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It only 
had one fault — you could not hit anything with it. 
One of our " conductors " practiced awhile on a cow 
with it, and as long as she stood still and behaved 
herself she was safe ; but as soon as she went to mov- 
ing about, and he got to shooting at other things, 
she came to grief. The Secretary had a small-sized 
Colt's revolver strapped around him for protection 
against the Indians, and to guard against accidents 
he carried it uncapped. Mr. George Bemis was dis- 
mally formidable. George Bemis was our fellow- 
traveler. We had never seen him before. He wore 
in his belt an old original " Allen " revolver, such 
as irreverent people called a " pepper-box." Sim- 
ply drawing the trigger back, cocked and fired the 
pistoL As the trigger came back, the hammer 
would begin to rise and the barrel to turn over, and 



20 Roughing It 

presently down would drop the hammer, and away 
would speed the ball. To aim along the turning barrel 
and hit the thing aimed at was a feat which was proba- 
bly never done with an "Allen " in the world. But 
George's was a reliable weapon, nevertheless, be- 
cause, as one of the stage-drivers afterwards said, 
" If she didn't get what she went after, she would 
fetch something else." And so she did. She went 
after a deuce of spades nailed against a tree, once, 
and fetched a mule standing about thirty yards to 
the left of it. Bemis did not want the mule ; but 
the owner came out with a double-barreled shot-gun 
and persuaded him to buy it, anyhow. It was a 
cheerful weapon — the "Allen." Sometimes all its 
six barrels would go off at once, and then there was no 
safe place in all the region round about, but behind it. 

We took two or three blankets for protection 
against frosty weather in the mountains. In the 
matter of luxuries we were modest — we took none 
along but some pipes and five pounds of smoking 
tobacco. We had two large canteens to carry water 
in, between stations on the Plains, and we also took 
with us a little shot-bag of silver coin for daily ex- 
penses in the way of breakfast and dinners. 

By eight o'clock everything was ready, and we 
were on the other side of the river. We jumped into 
the stage, the driver cracked his whip, and we 
bowled away and left *' the States " behind us. It 
was a superb summer morning, and all the landscape 
was brilliant with sunshine. There was a freshness 



Roughing It 21 

and breeziness, too, and an exhilarating sense of 
emancipation from all sorts of cares and responsi- 
bilities, that almost made us feel that the years we 
had spent in the close, hot city, toiling and slaving, 
had been wasted and thrown away. We were spin- 
ning along through Kansas, and in the course of an 
hour and a half we were fairly abroad on the great 
Plains. Just here the land was rolling — a grand 
sweep of regular elevations and depressions as far as 
the eye could reach — like the stately heave and 
swell of the ocean's bosom after a storm. And 
everywhere were cornfields, accenting with squares 
of deeper green this limitless expanse of grassy 
land. But presently this sea upon dry ground was 
to lose its * ' rolling ' ' character and stretch away for 
seven hundred miles as level as a floor ! 

Our coach was a great swinging and swaying stage, 
of the most sumptuous description — an imposing 
cradle on wheels. It was drawn by six handsome 
horses, and by the side of the driver sat the " con- 
ductor/ ' the legitimate captain of the craft; for it 
was his business to take charge and care of the 
mails, baggage, express matter, and passengers. 
We three were the only passengers, this trip. We 
sat on the back seat, inside. About all the rest of 
the coach was full of mail bags — for we had three 
days' delayed mails with us. Almost touching our 
knees, a perpendicular wall of mail matter rose up 
to the roof. There was a great pile of it strapped 
on top of the stage, and both the fore and hinpl 



22 Roughing It 

boots were full. We had twenty-seven hundred 
pounds of it aboard, the driver said — " a little for 
Brigham, and Carson, and 'Frisco, but the heft of it 
for the Injuns, which is powerful troublesome 'thout 
they get plenty of truck to read. ' ' But as he just then 
got up a fearful convulsion of his countenance which 
was suggestive of a wink being swallowed by an 
earthquake, we guessed that his remark was intended 
to be facetious, and to mean that we would unload 
the most of our mail matter somewhere on the Plains 
and leave it to the Indians, or whosoever wanted it. 

We changed horses every ten miles, all day long, 
and fairly flew over the hard, level road. We 
jumped out and stretched our legs every time the 
coach stopped, and so the night found us still viva- 
cious and unfatigued. 

After supper a woman got in, who lived about 
fifty miles further on, and we three had to take turns 
at sitting outside with the driver and conductor. 
Apparently she was not a talkative woman. She 
would sit there in the gathering twilight and fasten 
her steadfast eyes on a mosquito rooting into her 
arm, and slowly she would raise her other hand till 
she had got his range, and then she would launch a 
slap at him that would have jolted a cow ; and after 
that she would sit and contemplate the corpse with 
tranquil satisfaction — for she never missed her mos- 
quito; she was a dead shot at short range. She 
never removed a carcase, but left them there for bait. 
I sat by this grim Sphynx and watched her till 



Roughing It 23 

thirty or forty mosquitoes — watched her, and waited 
for her to say something, but she never did. So I 
finally opened the conversation myself. I said : 

"The mosquitoes are pretty bad, about here, 
madam.' ' 

" You bet I" 

** What did I understand you to say, madam? " 

1 * YOU BET ! ' ' 

Then she cheered up, and faced around and said: 

14 Danged if I didn't begin to think you fellers 
was deef and dumb. I did, b' gosh. Here I've 
sot, and sot, and sot, a-bust'n muskeeters and won- 
derin* what was ailin' ye. Fust I thot you was deef 
and dumb, then I thot you was sick or crazy, or 
suthin', and then by and by I begin to reckon you 
was a passel of sickly fools that couldn't think of 
nothing to say. Wher'd ye come from? " 

The Sphynx was a Sphynx no more ! The fountains 
of her great deep were broken up, and she rained 
the nine parts of speech forty days and forty nights, 
metaphorically speaking, and buried us under a deso- 
lating deluge of trivial gossip that left not a crag 
or pinnacle of rejoinder projecting above the tossing 
waste of dislocated grammar and decomposed pro- 
nunciation ! 

How we suffered, suffered, suffered ! She went 
on, hour after hour, till I was sorry I ever opened 
the mosquito question and gave her a start. She 
never did stop again until she got to her journey's 
end toward daylight ; and then she stirred us up as 



24 Roughing It 

she was leaving the stage (for we were nodding, by 
that time) , and said : 

" Now you git out at Cottonwood, you fellers, 
and lay over a couple o' days, and I'll be along some 
time to-night, and if 1 can do ye any good by edgin' 
in a word now and then, I'm right thar. Folks '11 
tell you 't I've always ben kind o' offish and partic'- 
lar for a gal that's raised in the woods, and I am, 
with the rag-tag and bob- tail, and a gal has to be, 
if she wants to be anything, but when people comes 
along which is my equals, I reckon I'm a pretty soci- 
able heifer after all." 

We resolved not to " lay by at Cottonwood." 



CHAPTER III. 

ABOUT an hour and a half before daylight we were 
bowling along smoothly over the road — so 
smoothly that our cradle only rocked in a gentle, 
lulling way, that was gradually soothing us to sleep, 
and dulling our consciousness — when something 
gave away under us ! We were dimly aware of it, but 
indifferent to it. The coach stopped. We heard the 
driver and conductor talking together outside, and 
rummaging for a lantern, and swearing because they 
could not find it — but we had no interest in what- 
ever had happened, and it only added to our com- 
fort to think of those people out there at work in the 
murky night, and we snug in our nest with the cur- 
tains drawn. But presently, by the sounds, there 
seemed to be an examination going on, and then 
the driver's voice said: 

,a By George, the thoroughbrace is broke! " 
This startled me broad awake — as an undefined 
sense of calamity is always apt to do. I said to my- 
self: 4< Now, a thoroughbrace is probably part of a 
horse ; and doubtless a vital part, too, from the dis- 
may in the driver's voice. Leg, maybe — and yet 
how could he break his leg waltzing along such a 

(25) 



26 Roughing It 

road as this? No, it can't be his leg. That is in> 
possible, unless he was reaching for the driver. 
Now, what can be the thoroughbrace of a horse, I 
wonder? Well, whatever comes, I shall not air my 
ignorance in this crowd, anyway.' ' 

Just then the conductor's face appeared at a lifted 
curtain, and his lantern glared in on us and our wall 
of mail matter. He said : 

" Gents, you'll have to turn out a spell. Thor- 
oughbrace is broke." 

We climbed out into a chill drizzle, and felt ever 
so homeless and dreary. When I found that the 
thing they called a " thoroughbrace " was the mas- 
sive combination of belts and springs which the coach 
rocks itself in, I said to the driver : 

4 * I never saw a thoroughbrace used up like that, 
before, that I can remember. How did it happen? " 

" Why, it happened by trying to make one coach 
carry three days' mail — that's how it happened," 
said he. "And right here is the very direction 
which is wrote on all the newspaper-bags which was 
to be put out for the Injuns for to keep 'em quiet. 
It's most uncommon lucky, becuz it's so nation dark 
I should 'a' gone by unbeknowns if that air thorough- 
brace hadn't broke." 

I knew that he was in labor with another of those 
winks of his, though I could not see his face, be- 
cause he was bent down at work ; and wishing him 
a safe delivery, I turned to and helped the rest get 
out the mail-sacks. It made a great pyramid by the 



Roughing It 27 

roadside when it was all out. When they had 
mended the thoroughbrace we filled the two boots 
again, but put no mail on top, and only half as much 
inside as there was before. The conductor bent all 
the seat backs down, and then rilled the coach just 
half full of mail-bags from end to end. We ob- 
jected loudly to this, for it left us no seats. But the 
conductor was wiser than we, and said a bed was 
better than seats, and, moreover, this plan would pro- 
tect his thoroughbraces. We never wanted any 
seats after that. The lazy bed was infinitely prefer- 
able. I had many an exciting day, subsequently, 
lying on it reading the statutes and the dictionary, 
and wondering how the characters would turn out. 

The conductor said he would send back a guard 
from the next station to take charge of the aban- 
doned mail-bags, and we drove on. 

It was now just dawn ; and as we stretched our 
cramped legs full length on the mail sacks, and 
gazed out through the windows across the wide 
wastes of greensward clad in cool, powdery mist, to 
where there was an expectant look in the eastern 
horizcn, our perfect enjoyment took the form of a 
tranquil and contented ecstasy. The stage whirled 
along at a spanking gait, the breeze flapping curtains 
and suspended coats in a most exhilarating way; 
the cradle swayed and swung luxuriously, the patter- 
ing cf the horses' hoofs, the cracking of the driver's 
whip, and his " Hi-yi ! g'lang! " were music; the 
spinning ground and the waltzing trees appeared to 



28 Roughing It 

give us a mute hurrah as we went by, and then slack 
up and look after us with interest, or envy, or some- 
thing; and as we lay and smoked the pipe of peace 
and compared all this luxury with the years of tire- 
some city life that had gone before it, we felt that 
there was only one complete and satisfying happi- 
ness in the world, and we had found it. 

After breakfast, at some station whose name I 
have forgotten, we three climbed up on the seat 
behind the driver, and let the conductor have our 
bed for a nap. And by and by, when the sun made 
me drowsy, I lay down on my face on top of the 
coach, grasping the slender iron railing, and slept for 
an hour more. That will give one an appreciable 
idea of those matchless roads. Instinct will make 
a sleeping man grip a fast hold of the railing when 
the stage jolts, but when it only swings and sways, 
no grip is necessary. Overland drivers and con- 
ductors used to sit in their places and sleep thirty or 
forty minutes at a time, on good roads, while spin- 
ning along at the rate of eight or ten miles an hour. 
I saw them do it, often. There was no danger about 
it ; a sleeping man will seize the irons in time when 
the coach jolts. These men were hard worked, and it 
was not possible for them to stay awake all the time. 

By and by we passed through Marysville, and 
over the Big Blue and Little Sandy ; thence about a 
mile, and entered Nebraska. About a mile further 
on, we came to the Big Sandy — one hundred and 
eighty miles from St. Joseph. 



Roughing It 29 

As the sun was going down, we saw the first speci- 
men of an animal known familiarly over two thou- 
sand miles of mountain and desert — from Kansas 
clear to the Pacific Ocean — as the " jackass rabbit.' ' 
He is well named. He is just like any other rabbit, 
except that he is from one-third to twice as large, 
has longer legs in proportion to his size, and has the 
most preposterous ears that ever were mounted on 
any creature but a jackass. When he is sitting 
quiet, thinking about his sins, or is absent-minded or 
unapprehensive of danger, his majestic ears project 
above him conspicuously ; but the breaking of a twig 
will scare him nearly to death, and then he tilts his 
ears back gently and starts for home. All you can 
see, then, for the next minute, is his long gray form 
stretched out straight and " streaking it " through 
the low sage-brush, head erect, eyes right, and ears 
just canted a little to the rear, but showing you 
where the animal is, all the time, the same as if he 
carried a jib. Now and then he makes a marvelous 
spring with his long legs, high over the stunted sage- 
brush, and scores a leap that would make a horse 
envious. Presently, he comes down to a long, 
graceful " lope," and shortly he mysteriously disap- 
pears. He has crouched behind a sage-bush, and 
will sit there and listen and tremble until you get 
within six feet of him, when he will get under way 
again. But one must shoot at this creature once, 
if he wishes to see him throw his heart into his 
heels, and do the best he knows how. He is 



30 Roughing It 

frightened clear through, now, and he lays his long 
ears down on his back, straightens himself out like 
a yard-stick every spring he makes, and scatters 
miles behind him with an easy indifference that is 
enchanting. 

Our party made this specimen " hump himself," 
as the conductor said. The Secretary started him 
with a shot from the Colt ; I commenced spitting at 
him with my weapon ; and all in the same instant the 
old "Allen's " whole broadside let go with a rattling 
crash, and it is not putting it too strong to say that 
the rabbit was frantic ! He dropped his ears, set up 
his tail, and left for San Francisco at a speed which 
can only be described as a flash and a vanish ! Long 
after he was out of sight we could hear him whiz. 

I do not remember where we first came across 
" sage-brush," but as I have been speaking of it I 
may as well describe it. This is easily done, for if 
the reader can imagine a gnarled and venerable live 
oak tree reduced to a little shrub two feet high, with 
its rough bark, its foliage, its twisted boughs, all 
complete, he can picture the " sage-brush " exactly. 
Often, on lazy afternoons in the mountains I have 
lain on the ground with my face under a sage-bush, 
and entertained myself with fancying that the gnats 
among its foliage were lilliputian birds, and that the 
ants marching and countermarching about its base 
were lilliputian flocks and herds, and myself some 
vast loafer from Brobdingnag waiting to catch a little 
citizen and eat him. 



Roughing It 31 

It is an imposing monarch of the forest in ex- 
quisite miniature, is the M sage-brush." Its foliage 
is a grayish green, and gives that tint to desert and 
mountain. It smells like our domestic sage, and 
1 ' sage-tea ' ' made from it tastes like the sage-tea 
which all boys are so well acquainted with. The 
sage-brush is a singularly hardy plant, and grows 
right in the midst of deep sand, and among barren 
rocks, where nothing else in the vegetable world 
would try to grow, except " bunch-grass."* The 
sage-bushes grow from three to six or seven feet 
apart, all over the mountains and deserts of the Far 
West, clear to the borders of California. There is 
not a tree of any kind in the deserts, for hundreds 
of miles — there is no vegetation at all in a regular 
desert, except the sage-brush and its cousin the 
11 greasewood," which is so much like the sage-brush 
that the difference amounts to little. Camp-fires 
and hot suppers in the deserts would be impossible 
but for the friendly sage-brush. Its trunk is as large 
as a boy's wrist (and from that up to a man's arm), 
and its crooked branches are half as large as its 
trunk — all good, sound, hard wood, very like oak. 

When a party camps, the first thing to be done is 



* " Bunch-grass " grows on the bleak mountain-sides of Nevada and 
neighboring territories, and offers excellent feed for stock, even in the 
dead of winter, wherever the snow is blown aside and exposes it ; not- 
withstanding its unpromising home, bunch-grass is a better and more 
nutritious diet for cattle and horses than almost any other hay at grass 
that is known — so stock-men say. 



32 Roughing It 

to cut sage-brush ; and in a few minutes there is an 
opulent pile of it ready for use. A hole a foot wide, 
two feet deep, and two feet long, is dug, and sage- 
brush chopped up and burned in it till it is full to 
the brim with glowing coals ; then the cooking be- 
gins, and there is no smoke, and consequently no 
swearing. Such a fire will keep all night, with very 
little replenishing; and it makes a very sociable 
camp-fire, and one around which the most impossi- 
ble reminiscences sound plausible, instructive, and 
profoundly entertaining. 

Sage-brush is very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it 
is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the 
taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child, 
the mule. But their testimony to its nutritiousness 
is worth nothing, for they will eat pine knots, or 
anthracite coal, or brass filings, or lead pipe, or old 
bottles, or anything that comes handy, and then go 
off looking as grateful as if they had had oysters for 
dinner. Mules and donkeys and camels have appe- 
tites that anything will relieve temporarily, but noth- 
ing satisfy. In Syria, once, at the head-waters of 
the Jordan, a camel took charge of my overcoat 
while the tents were being pitched, and examined it 
with a critical eye, all over, with as much interest as 
if he had an idea of getting one made like it ; and 
then, after he was done figuring on it as an article 
of apparel, he began to contemplate it as an article 
of diet. He put his foot on it, and lifted one of the 
sleeves out with his teeth, and chewed and chewed 



Roughing It 33 

at it, gradually taking it in, and all the while open- 
ing and closing his eyes in a kind of religious 
ecstasy, as if he had never tasted anything as good 
as an overcoat before in his life. Then he smacked 
his lips once or twice, and reached after the other 
sleeve. Next he tried the velvet collar, and smiled 
a smile of such contentment that it was plain to see 
that he regarded that as the daintiest thing about an 
overcoat. The tails went next, along with some per- 
cussion caps and cough candy, and some fig-paste 
from Constantinople. And then my newspaper cor- 
respondence dropped out, and he took a chance in 
that — manuscript letters written for the home 
papers. But he was treading on dangerous ground, 
now. He began to come across solid wisdom in 
those documents that was rather weighty on his 
stomach; and occasionally he would take a joke 
that would shake him up till it loosened his teeth; 
it was getting to be perilous times with him, but he 
held his grip w't'» good courage and hopefully, till 
at last he be^n to stumble on statements that not 
even a camel could swallow with impunity. He be- 
gan to gag and gasp, and his eyes to stand out, and 
his forelegs to spread, and in about a quarter of a 
minute he fell over as stiff as a carpenter's work- 
bench, and died a death of indescribable agony. I 
went and pulled the manuscript out of his mouth, 
and found that the sensitive creature had choked to 
death on one of the mildest and gentlest statements 
of fact that I ever laid before a trusting public. 
3* 



34 Roughing It 

I was about to say, when diverted from my sub- 
ject, that occasionally one finds sage-bushes five or 
six feet high, and with a spread of branch and foli- 
age in proportion, but two or two and a half feet is 
the usual height. 



CHAPTER IV. 

AS the sun went down and the evening chill came 
on, we made preparation for bed. We stirred 
up the hard leather letter-sacks, and the knotty 
canvas bags of printed matter (knotty and uneven 
because of projecting ends and corners of magazines, 
boxes and books). We stirred them up and redis- 
posed them in such a way as to make our bed as 
level as possible. And we did improve it, too, 
though after all our work it had an upheaved and 
billowy look about it, like a little piece of a stormy 
sea. Next we hunted up our boots from odd nooks 
among the mail bags where they had settled, and 
put them on. Then we got down our coats, vests, 
pantaloons and heavy woolen shirts, from the arm- 
loops where they had been swinging all day, and 
clothed ourselves in them — for, there being no 
ladies either at the stations or in the coach, and the 
weather being hot, we had looked to our comfort by 
stripping to our underclothing, at nine o'clock in 
the morning. All things being now ready, we 
stowed the uneasy Dictionary where it would lie as 
quiet as possible, and placed the water-canteen and 
c* (35) 



36 Roughing It 

pistols where we could find them in the dark. Then 
we smoked a final pipe, and swapped a final yarn ; 
after which, we put the pipes, tobacco, and bag of 
coin in snug holes and caves among the mail-bags, 
and then fastened down the coach curtains all around 
and made the place as ' * dark as the inside of a cow, ' 
as the conductor phrased it in his picturesque way. 
It was certainly as dark as any place could be — - 
nothing was even dimly visible in it. And finally, 
we rolled ourselves up like silk- worms, each person 
in his own blanket, and sank peacefully to sleep. 

Whenever the stage stopped to change horses, we 
would wake up, and try to recollect where we were 
— and succeed — and in a minute or two the stage 
would be off again, and we likewise. We began to 
get into country, now, threaded here and there with 
little streams. These had high, steep banks on each 
side, and every time we flew down one bank and 
scrambled up the other, our party inside got mixed 
somewhat. First we would all be down in a pile at 
the forward end of the stage, nearly in a sitting post- 
ure, and in a second we would shoot to the other 
end, and stand on our heads. And we would sprawl 
and kick, too, and ward off ends and corners of mail- 
bags that came lumbering over us and about us ; and 
as the dust rose from the tumult, we would all sneeze 
in chorus, and the majority of us would grumble, 
and probably say some hasty thing, like : * ' Take 
your elbow out of my ribs! — can't you quit 
crowding? " 



Roughing It 37 

Every time we avalanched from one end of the 
stage to the other, the Unabridged Dictionary would 
come too ; and every time it came it damaged some- 
body. One trip it " barked " the Secretary's elbow; 
the next trip it hurt me in the stomach, and the 
third it tilted Bemis's nose up till he could look 
down his nostrils- — he said. The pistols and coin 
soon settled to the bottom, but the pipes, pipe- 
stems, tobacco, and canteens clattered and floundered 
after the Dictionary every time it made an assault on 
us, and aided and abetted the book by spilling to- 
bacco in our eyes, and water down our backs. 

Still, all things considered, it was a very comforta- 
ble night. It wore gradually away, and when at last 
a cold gray light was visible through the puckers and 
chinks in the curtains, we yawned and stretched with 
satisfaction, shed our cocoons, and felt that we had 
slept as much as was necessary. By and by, as the 
sun rose up and warmed the world, we pulled off our 
clothes and got ready for breakfast. We were just 
pleasantly in time, for five minutes afterward the 
driver sent the weird music of his bugle winding over 
the grassy solitudes, and presently we detected a low 
hut or two in the distance. Then the rattling of the 
coach, the clatter of our six horses' hoofs, and the 
driver's crisp commands, awoke to a louder and 
stronger emphasis, and we went sweeping down on 
the station at our smartest speed. It was fascinat- 
ing — that old Overland stage-coaching. 

We jumped out in undress uniform. The driver 



}8 Roughing It 

tossed his gathered reins out on the ground, gaped 
and stretched complacently, drew off his heavy 
buckskin gloves with great deliberation and insuffer- 
able dignity — taking not the slightest notice of a 
dozen solicitous inquiries after his health, and humbly 
facetious and flattering accostings, and obsequious 
tenders of service, from five or six hairy and half- 
civilized station-keepers and hostlers who were nimbly 
unhitching our steeds and bringing the fresh team 
out of the stables — for, in the eyes of the stage-driver 
of that day, station-keepers and hostlers were a sort 
of good enough low creatures, useful in their place, 
and helping to make up a world, but not the kind of 
beings which a person of distinction could afford to 
concern himself with ; while, on the contrary, in the 
eyes of the station-keeper and the hostler, the stage- 
driver was a hero — a great and shining dignitary, the 
world's favorite son, the envy of the people, the ob- 
served of the nations. When they spoke to him 
they received his insolent silence meekly, and as 
being the natural and proper conduct of so great a 
man ; when he opened his lips they all hung on his 
words with admiration (he never honored a particu- 
lar individual with a remark, but addressed it with a 
broad generality to the horses, the stables, the sur- 
rounding country and the human underlings) ; 
when he discharged a facetious insulting personality 
at a hostler, that hostler was happy for the day; 
when he uttered his one jest — old as the hills, coarse, 
profane, witless, and inflicted on the same audience, 



Roughing It 39 

in the same language, every time his coach drove up 
there — the varlets roared, and slapped their thighs, 
and swore it was the best thing they'd ever heard in 
all their lives. And how they would fly around when 
he wanted a basin of water, a gourd of the same, 
or a light for his pipe ! — but they would instantly 
insult a passenger if he so far forgot himself as to 
crave a favor at their hands. They could do that 
sort of insolence as well as the driver they copied it 
from — for, let it be borne in mind, the Overland 
driver had but little less contempt for his passengers 
than he had for his hostlers. 

The hostlers and station-keepers treated the really 
powerful conductor of the coach merely with the best 
of what was their idea of civility, but the driver was 
the only being they bowed down to and worshiped. 
How admiringly they would gaze up at him in his 
high seat as he gloved himself with lingering delib- 
eration, while some happy hostler held the bunch of 
reins aloft, and waited patiently for him to take it ! 
And how they would bombard him with glorifying 
ejaculations as he cracked his long whip and went 
careering away. 

The station buildings were long, low huts, made 
of sun-dried, mud-colored bricks, laid up without 
mortar {adobes, the Spaniards call these bricks, and 
Americans shorten it to ' dobies) . The roofs, which 
had no slant to them worth speaking of, were thatched 
and then sodded or covered with a thick layer of 
earth, and from this sprung a pretty rank growth of 



40 Roughing It 

weeds and grass. It was the first time we had ever 
seen a man's front yard on top of his house. The 
buildings consisted cf barns, stable-room for twelve 
or fifteen horses, and a hut for an eating-room for 
passengers. This latter had bunks in it for the sta- 
tion-keeper and a hostler or two. You could rest 
your elbow on its eaves, and you had to bend in order 
to get in at the door. In place of a window there 
was a square hole about large enough for a man to 
crawl through, but this had no glass in it. There 
was no flooring, but the ground was packed hard. 
There was no stove, but the fireplace served all 
needful purposes. There were no shelves, no cup- 
boards, no closets. In a corner stood an open sack 
of flour, and nestling against its base were a couple 
of black and venerable tin coffee-pots, a tin teapot, a 
little bag of salt, and a side of bacon. 

By the door of the station-keeper's den, outside, 
was a tin wash-basin, on the ground. Near it was a 
pail of water and a piece of yellow bar soap, and 
from the eaves hung a hoary blue woolen shirt, sig- 
nificantly — but this latter was the station-keeper's 
private towel, and only two persons in all the party 
might venture to use it — the stage-driver and the 
conductor. The latter would not, from a sense of 
decency ; the former would not, because he did not 
choose to encourage the advances of a station-keeper. 
We had towels — in the valise ; they might as well 
have been in Sodom and Gomorrah. We (and the 
conductor) used our handkerchiefs, and the driver 



Roughing It 41 

his pantaloons and sleeves. By the door, inside, was 
fastened a small old-fashioned looking-glass frame, 
with two little fragments of the original mirror, 
lodged down in one corner of it. This arrangement 
afforded a pleasant double-barreled portrait of you 
when you looked into it, with one-half of your head 
setup a couple of inches above the other half. From 
the glass frame hung the half of a comb by a string 
■ — but if I had to describe that patriarch or die, I 
believe I would order some sample coffins. It had 
come down from Esau and Samson, and had been 
accumulating hair ever since — along with certain im- 
purities. In one corner of the room stood three or 
four rifles and muskets, together with horns and 
pouches of ammunition. The station-men wore 
pantaloons of coarse, country-woven stuff, and into 
the seat and the inside of the legs were sewed ample 
additions of buckskin, to do duty in place of leg- 
gings, when the man rode horseback — so the pants 
were half dull blue and half yellow, and unspeakably 
picturesque. The pants were stuffed into the tops 
of high boots, the heels whereof were armed with 
great Spanish spurs, whose little iron clogs and 
chains jingled with every step. The man wore a 
huge beard and mustachios, an old slouch hat, a 
blue woolen shirt, no suspenders, no vest, no coat 
-in a leathern sheath in his belt, a great long 
" navy " revolver (slung on right side, hammer to 
the front), and projecting from his boot a horn- 
handled bowie-knife. The furniture of the hut was 



42 Roughing It 

neither gorgeous nor much in the way. The rock- 
ing-chairs and sofas were not present, and never had 
been, but they were represented by two three-legged 
stools, a pineboard bench four feet long, and two 
empty candle-boxes. The table was a greasy board 
on stilts, and the table-cloth and napkins had not 
come — and they were not looking for them, either. 
A battered tin platter, a knife and fork, and a tin 
pint cup, were at each man's place, and the driver 
had a queens-ware saucer that had seen better days. 
Of course, this duke sat at the head of the table. 
There was one isolated piece of table furniture that 
bore about it a touching air of grandeur in misfor- 
tune. This was the caster. It was German silver, 
and crippled and rusty, but it was so preposterously 
out of place there that it was suggestive of a tattered 
exiled king among barbarians, and the majesty of its 
native position compelled respect even in its degra- 
dation. There was only one cruet left, and that was 
a stopperless, fly-specked, broken-necked thing, with 
two inches of vinegar in it, and a dozen preserved 
flies with their heels up and looking sorry they had 
invested there. 

The station-keeper up-ended a disk of last week's 
bread, of the shape and size of an old-time cheese, 
and carved some slabs from it which were as good as 
Nicholson pavement, and tenderer. 

He sliced off a piece of bacon for each man, but 
only the experienced old hands made out to eat it, 
for it was condemned army bacon which the United 



Roughing It 43 

States would not feed to its soldiers in the forts, and 
the stage company had bought it cheap for the sus- 
tenance of their passengers and employes. We may 
have found this condemned army bacon further out 
on the plains than the section I am locating it in, but 
we found it — there is no gainsaying that. 

Then he poured for us a beverage which he called 
" Slumgullion" and it is hard to think he was not 
inspired when he named it. It really pretended to 
be tea, but there was too much dish-rag, and sand, 
and old bacon-rind in it to deceive the intelligent 
traveler. He had no sugar and no milk — not even 
a spoon to stir the ingredients with. 

We could not eat the bread or the meat, nor drink 
the " slumgullion." And when I looked at that 
melancholy vinegar-cruet, I thought of the anecdote 
(a very, very old one, even at that day) of the trav- 
eler who sat down to a table which had nothing on it 
but a mackerel and a pot of mustard. He asked the 
landlord if this was all. The landlord said: 

" All! Why, thunder and lightning, I should 
think there was mackerel enough there for six." 

11 But I don't like mackerel." 

11 Oh — then help yourself to the mustard." 

In other days I had considered it a good, a very 
good, anecdote, but there was a dismal plausibility 
about it, here, that took all the humor out of it. 

Our breakfast was before us, but our teeth were 
idle. 

I tasted and smelt, and said I would take coffee, I 



44 Roughing It 

believed. The station-boss stopped dead still, and 
glared at me speechless. At last, when he came to, 
he turned away and said, as one who communes 
with himself upon a matter too vast to grasp : 

"Coffee! Well, if that don't go clean ahead of me, 
I'rnd— d! " 

We could not eat, and there was no conversation 
among the hostlers and herdsmen — we all sat at the 
same board. At least there was no conversation 
further than a single hurried request, now and then, 
from one employe* to another. It was always in the 
same form, and always gruffly friendly. Its western 
freshness and novelty startled me, at first, and inter- 
ested me ; but it presently grew monotonous, and 
lost its charm. It was : 

" Pass the bread, you son of a skunk! " No, I 
forget— skunk was not the word ; it seems to me it 
was still stronger than that; I know it was, in fact, 
but it is gone from my memory, apparently. How- 
ever, it is no matter — probably it was too strong for 
print, anyway. It is the landmark in my memory 
which tells me where I first encountered the vigorous 
new vernacular of the occidental plains and mountains. 

We gave up the breakfast, and paid our dollar 
apiece and went back to our mail-bag bed in the 
coach, and found comfort in our pipes. Right here 
we suffered the first diminution of our princely state. 
We left our six fine horses and took six mules in 
their place. But they v/ere wild Mexican fellows, 
and a man had to stand at the head of each of them 



Roughing It 45 

and hold him fast while the driver gloved and got 
himself ready. And when at last he grasped the 
reins and gave the word, the men sprung suddenly 
away from the mules' heads and the coach shot 
from the station as if it had issued from a cannon. 
How the frantic animals did scamper ! It was a 
fierce and furious gallop — and the gait never altered 
for a moment till we reeled off ten or twelve miles 
and swept up to the next collection of little station- 
huts and stables. 

So we flew along all day. At 2 P. M. the belt of 
timber that fringes the North Platte and marks its 
windings through the vast level floor of the Plains 
came in sight. At 4 P. M. we crossed a branch of 
the river, and at 5 P. M. we crossed the Platte itself, 
and landed at Fort Kearney, fifty-six hours out from 
St. Joe — THREE HUNDRED MILES ! 

Now that was stage-coaching on the great Overland, 
ten or twelve years ago, when perhaps not more than 
ten men in America, all told, expected to live to see 
a railroad follow that route to the Pacific. But the 
railroad is there, now, and it pictures a thousand 
odd comparisons and contrasts in my mind to read 
the following sketch, in the New York Times, of a 
recent trip over almost the very ground I have been 
describing. I can scarcely comprehend the new state 
of things: 

" ACROSS THE CONTINENT. 

"At 4.20 p.m., Sunday, we rolled out of the station at Omaha, 
and started westward on our long jaunt. A couple of hours out, dinner 
Was announced— an • event ' to those of us who had yet to experience 



46 Roughing It 

what it is to eat in one of Pullman's hotels on wheels; so, stepping 
into the car next forward of our sleeping palace, we found ourselves in 
the dining-car. It was a revelation to us, that first dinner on Sunday. 
And though we continued to dine for four days, and had as many 
breakfasts and suppers, our whole party never ceased to admire the per- 
fection of the arrangements, and the marvelous results achieved. Upon 
tables covered with snowy linen, and garnished with services of solid 
silver, Ethiop waiters, flitting about in spotless white, placed as by 
magic a repast at which Delmonico himself could have had no occasion 
to blush; and, indeed, in some respects it would be hard for that dis- 
tinguished chef to match our menu ; for, in addition to all that ordi- 
narily makes up a first-chop dinner, had we not our antelope steak (the 
gormand who has not experienced this — bah ! what does he know of 
the feast of fat things ?) our delicious mountain-brook trout, and choice 
fruits and berries, and (sauce piquant and unpurchasable \ ) our sweet- 
scented, appetite-compelling air of the prairies ? You may depend 
upon it, we all did justice to the good things, and as we washed them 
down with bumpers of sparkling Krug, whilst we sped along at the rate 
of thirty miles an hour, agreed it was the fastest living we had ever ex- 
perienced. (We beat that, however, two days afterward when we 
made twenty-seven miles hi twenty-seven minutes, while our Cham- 
pagne glasses filled to the brim spilled not a drop !) After dinner we 
repaired to our drawing-room car, and, as it was Sabbath eve, intoned 
some of the grand old hymns — 'Praise God from whom,' etc.; 
'Shining Shore,' 'Coronation, 1 etc. — the voices of the men singers 
and of the women singers blending sweetly in the evening air, while our 
train, with its great, glaring Polyphemus eye, lighting up long vistas of 
prairie, rushed into the night and the Wild. Then to bed in luxurious 
couches, where we slept the sleep of the just and only awoke the next 
morning (Monday) at eight o'clock, to find ourselves at the crossing of 
the North Platte, three hundred miles from Omaha — fifteen hours and 
forty minutes out." 



CHAPTER V. 

ANOTHER night of alternate tranquillity and 
turmoil. But morning came, by and by. It 
was another glad awakening to fresh breezes, vast 
expanses of level greensward, bright sunlight, an 
impressive solitude utterly without visible human 
beings or human habitations, and an atmosphere of 
such amazing magnifying properties that trees that 
seemed close at hand were more than three miles 
away. We resumed undress uniform, climbed a-top 
of the flying coach, dangled our legs over the side, 
shouted occasionally at our frantic mules, merely 
to see them lay their ears back and scamper faster, 
tied our hats on to keep our hair from blowing away, 
and leveled an outlook over the world-wide carpet 
about us for things new and strange to gaze at. 
Even at this day it thrills me through and through 
to think of the life, the gladness and the wild sense 
of freedom that used to make the blood dance in my 
veins on those fine overland mornings ! 

Along about an hour after breakfast we saw the 
first prairie-dog villages, the first antelope, and the 
first wolf. If I remember rightly, this latter was the 

(47) 



48 Roughing It 

regular cayote (pronounced ky-o-te) of the farther 
deserts. And if it was, he was not a pretty creature, 
or respectable either, for I got well acquainted with 
his race afterward, and can speak with confidence. 
The cayote is a long, slim, sick and sorry-looking 
skeleton, with a gray wolf-skin stretched over it, a 
tolerably bushy tail that forever sags down with a 
despairing expression of forsakenness and misery, 
a furtive and evil eye, and a long, sharp face, with 
slightly lifted lip and exposed teeth. He has a 
general slinking expression all over. The cayote 
is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is 
always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck and 
friendless. The meanest creatures despise him, and 
even the fleas would desert him for a velocipede. 
He is so spiritless and cowardly that even while his 
exposed teeth are pretending a threat, the rest of his 
face is apologizing for it. And he is so homely ! — so 
scrawny, and ribby, and coarse-haired, and pitiful. 
When he sees you he lifts his lip and lets a flash of 
his teeth out, and then turns a little out of the course 
he was pursuing, depresses his head a bit, and strikes 
a long, soft-footed trot through the sage-brush, 
glancing over his shoulder at you, from time to time, 
till he is about out of easy pistol range, and then he 
stops and takes a deliberate survey of you ; he will 
trot fifty yards and stop again — another fifty and 
stop again ; and finally the gray of his gliding body 
blends with the gray of the sage-brush, and he dis- 
appears. All this is when you make no demonstra- 



Roughing It 49 

tion against him ; but if you do, he develops a live- 
lier interest in his journey, and instantly electrifies 
his heels and puts such a deal of real estate between 
himself and your weapon, that by the time you have 
raised the hammer you see that you need a minie 
rifle, and by the time you have got him in line you 
need a rifled cannon, and by the time you have 
" drawn a bead " on him you see well enough that 
nothing but an unusually long-winded streak of light- 
ning could reach him where he is now. But if you 
start a swift-footed dog after him, you will enjoy it 
ever so much — especially if it is a dog that has a 
good opinion of himself, and has been brought up 
to think he knows something about speed. The 
cayote will go swinging gently off on that deceitful 
trot of his, and every little while he will smile a 
fraudful smile over his shoulder that will fill that 
dog entirely full of encouragement and worldly am- 
bition, and make him lay his head still lower to the 
ground, and stretch his neck further to the front, and 
pant more fiercely, and stick his tail out straighter 
behind, and move his furious legs with a yet wilder 
frenzy, and leave a broader and broader, and higher 
and denser cloud of desert sand smoking behind, and 
marking his long wake across the level plain ! And 
all this time the dog is only a short twenty feet be- 
hind the cayote, and to save the soul of him he can- 
not understand why it is that he cannot get percep- 
tibly closer; and he begins to get aggravated, and it 
makes him madder and madder to see how gently 
4. 



50 Roughing It 

the cayote glides along and never pants or sweats or 
ceases to smile; and he grows still more and more 
incensed to see how shamefully he has been taken in 
by an entire stranger, and what an ignoble swindle 
that long, calm, soft-footed trot is; and next he 
notices that he is getting fagged, and that the cayote 
actually has to slacken speed a little to keep from 
running away from him — and then that town-dog is 
mad in earnest, and he begins to strain and weep 
and swear, and paw the sand higher than ever, and 
reach for the cayote with concentrated and desperate 
energy. This "spurt" finds him six feet behind 
the gliding enemy, and two miles from his friends. 
And then, in the instant that a wild new hope is 
lighting up his face, the cayote turns and smiles 
blandly upon him once more, and with a something 
about it which seems to say: " Well, I shall have to 
tear myself away from you, bub — business is busi- 
ness, and it will not do for me to be fooling along 
this way all day ' ' — and forthwith there is a rushing 
sound, and the sudden splitting of a long crack 
through the atmosphere, and behold that dog is soli- 
tary and alone in the midst of a vast solitude ! 

It makes his head swim. He stops, and looks all 
around; climbs the nearest sand -mound, and gazes 
into the distance ; shakes his head reflectively, and 
then, without a word, he turns and jogs along back 
to his train, and takes up a humble position under 
the hindmost wagon, and feels unspeakably mean, 
and looks ashamed, and hangs his tail at half-mast 



Roughing It 5i 

for a week. And for as much as a year after that, 
whenever there is a great hue and cry after a 
cayote, that dog will merely glance in that direction 
without emotion, and apparently observe to himself, 
f< I believe I do not wish any of the pie." 

The cayote lives chiefly in the most desolate and 
forbidding deserts, along with the lizard, the jackass- 
rabbit and the raven, and gets an uncertain and pre- 
carious living, and earns it. He seems to subsist 
almost wholly on the carcasses of oxen, mules, and 
horses that have dropped out of emigrant trains and 
died, and upon windfalls of carrion, and occasional 
legacies of offal bequeathed to him by white men 
who have been opulent enough to have something 
better to butcher than condemned army bacon. He 
will eat anything in the world that his first cousins, 
the desert-frequenting tribes of Indians, will, and they 
will eat anything they can bite. It is a curious fact 
that these latter are the only creatures known to his- 
tory who will eat nitro-glycerine and ask for more if 
they survive. 

The cayote of the deserts beyond the Rocky 
Mountains has a peculiarly hard time of it, owing to 
the fact that his relations, the Indians, are just as apt 
to be the first to detect a seductive scent on the des 
ert breeze, and follow the fragrance to the late ox it 
emanated from, as he is himself; and when this oc- 
curs he has to content himself with sitting off at a 
little distance watching those people strip off and dig 
out everything edible, and walk off with it. Then 



52 Roughing It 

he and the waiting ravens explore the skeleton and 
polish the bones. It is considered that the cayote, 
and the obscene bird, and the Indian of the desert, 
testify their blood kinship with each other in that 
they live together in the waste places of the earth on 
terms of perfect confidence and friendship, while 
hating all other creatures and yearning to assist at 
their funerals. He does not mind going a hundred 
miles to breakfast, and a hundred and fifty to dinner, 
because he is sure to have three or four days between 
meals, and he can just as well be traveling and look- 
ing at the scenery as lying around doing nothing and 
adding to the burdens of his parents. 

We soon learned to recognize the sharp, vicious 
bark of the cayote as it came across the murky plain 
at night to disturb our dreams among the mail-sacks ; 
and remembering his forlorn aspect and his hard 
fortune, made shift to wish him the blessed novelty 
of a long day's good luck and a limitless larder the 
morrow. 



CHAPTER VI. 

OUR new conductor (just shipped) had been with- 
out sleep for twenty hours. Such a thing was 
very frequent. From St. Joseph, Mtesouri, to 
Sacramento, California, by stage-coach, was nearly 
nineteen hundred miles, and the trip was often made 
in fifteen days (the cars do it in four and a half, 
now) , but the time specified in the mail contracts, 
and required by the schedule, was eighteen or nine- 
teen days, if I remember rightly. This was to make 
fair allowance for winter storms and snows, and 
other unavoidable causes of detention. The stage 
company had everything under strict discipline and 
good system. Over each two hundred and fifty 
miles of road they placed an agent or superintendent, 
and invested him with great authority. His beat or 
jurisdiction of two hundred and fifty miles was 
called a "division." He purchased horses, mules, 
harness, and food for men and beasts, and distributed 
these things among his stage stations, from time to 
time, according to his judgment of what each station 
needed. He erected station buildings and dug wells. 
He attended to the paying of the station-keepers, 

(53) 



54 Roughing It 

hostlers, drivers, and blacksmiths, and discharged 
them whenever he chose. He was a very, very 
great man in his "division" — a kind of Grand 
Mogul, a Sultan of the Indies, in whose presence 
common men were modest of speech and manner, 
and in the glare of whose greatness even the dazzling 
stage-driver dwindled to a penny dip. There were 
about eight of these kings, all told, on the Overland 
route. 

Next in rank and importance to the division -agent 
came the " conductor." His beat was the same 
length as the agent's — two hundred and fifty miles. 
He sat with the driver, and (when necessary) rode 
that fearful distance, night and day, without other 
rest or sleep than what he could get perched thus on 
top of the flying vehicle. Think of it ! He had 
absolute charge of the mails, express matter, pas- 
sengers, and stage-coach, until he delivered them to 
the next conductor, and got his receipt for them. 
Consequently he had to be a man of intelligence, 
decision, and considerable executive ability. He was 
usually a quiet, pleasant man, who attended closely 
to his duties, and was a good deal of a gentleman. 
It was not absolutely necessary that the division- 
agent should be a gentleman, and occasionally he 
wasn't. But he was always a general in administra- 
tive ability, and a bull-dog in courage and deter- 
mination — otherwise the chieftainship over the law- 
less underlings of the Overland service would never 
jn any instance have been to him anything but an 



Roughing It 55 

equivalent for a month of insolence and distress and 
a bullet and a coffin at the end of it. There were 
about sixteen or eighteen conductors on the Over- 
land, for there was a daily stage each way, and a 
conductor on every stage. 

Next in real and official rank and importance, 
after the conductor, came my delight, the driver — - 
next in real but not in apparent importance — for we 
have seen that in the eyes of the common herd the 
driver was to the conductor as an admiral is to the 
captain of the flag-ship. The driver's beat was 
pretty long, and his sleeping-time at the stations 
pretty short, sometimes; and so, but for the grandeur 
of his position his would have been a sorry life, 
as well as a hard and a wearing one. We took a 
new driver every day or every night (for they drove 
backward and forward over the same piece of road 
all the time), and therefore we never got as well 
acquainted with them as we did with the conductors ; 
and besides, they would have been above being fa- 
miliar with such rubbish as passengers, anyhow, as a. 
general thing. Still, we were always eager to get a 
sight of each and every new driver as soon as the 
watch changed, for each and every day we were 
either anxious to get rid of an unpleasant one, or 
loath to part with a driver we had learned to like and 
had come to be sociable and friendly with. And so 
the first question we asked the conductor whenever 
we got to where we were to exchange drivers, was 
always, ' ' Which is him ? ' ' The grammar was faulty, 



56 Roughing It 

maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would 
go into a book some day. As long as everything 
went smoothly, the Overland driver was well enough 
situated, but if a fellow driver got sick suddenly it 
made trouble, for the coach must go on, and so the 
potentate who was about to climb down and take a 
luxurious rest after his long night's siege in the midst 
of wind and rain and darkness, had to stay where he 
was and do the sick man's work. Once in the Rocky 
Mountains, when I found a driver sound asleep on 
the box, and the mules going at the usual break-neck 
pace, the conductor said never mind him, there was no 
danger, and he was doing double duty — had driven 
seventy-five miles on one coach, and was now going 
back over it on this without rest or sleep. A hun- 
dred and fifty miles of holding back of six vindictive 
mules and keeping them from climbing the trees ! 
It sounds incredible, but I remember the statement 
well enough. 

The station-keepers, hostlers, etc., were low, rough 
characters, as already described; and from western 
Nebraska to Nevada a considerable sprinkling of them 
might be fairly set down as outlaws — fugitives from 
justice, criminals whose best security was a section 
of country which was without law and without even 
the pretense of it. When the " division-agent " 
issued an order to one of these parties he did it with 
the full understanding that he might have to enforce 
it with a navy six-shooter, and so he always went 
" fixed " to make things go along smoothly. Now 



Roughing It 57 

and then a division-agent was really obliged to shoot 
a hostler through the head to teach him some simple 
matter that he could have taught him with a club if 
his circumstances and surroundings had been differ- 
ent. But they were snappy, able men, those divis- 
ion-agents, and when they tried to teach a subordi- 
nate anything, that subordinate generally iS got it 
through his head." 

A great portion of this vast machinery — these 
hundreds of men and coaches, and thousands of mules 
and horses — was in the hands of Mr. Ben Holliday. 
All the western half of the business was in his 
hands. This reminds me of an incident of Palestine 
travel which is pertinent here, and so I will transfer 
it just in the language in which I find it set down in 
my Holy Land note-book : 

No doubt everybody has heard of Ben Holliday — a man of pro- 
digious energy, who used to send mails and passengers flying across the 
continent in his overland stage-coaches like a very whirlwind — two 
thousand long miles in fifteen days and a half, by the watch ! But this 
fragment of history is not about Ben Holliday, but about a young New 
York boy by the name of Jack, who traveled with our small party of 
pilgrims in the Holy Land (and who had traveled to California in Mr. 
Holliday' s overland coaches three years before, and had by no means 
forgotton it or lost his gashing admiration of Mr. H.). Aged nineteen. 
Jack was a good boy — a good-hearted and always well-meaning boy, 
who had been reared in the city of New York, and although he was 
bright and knew a great many useful things, his Scriptural education 
had been a good deal neglected — to such a degree, indeed, that all 
Holy Land history was fresh and new to him, and all Bible names mys- 
teries that had never disturbed his virgin ear. Also in our party was an 
elderly pilgrim who was the reverse of Jack, in that he was learned in 
the Scriptures and an enthusiast concerning them. He was our ency- 
clopedia, and we were never tired of listening to his speeches, nor he of 



58 Roughing It 

making them. He never passed a celebrated locality, from Bashan to 
Bethlehem, without illuminating it with an oration. One day, when 
camped near the ruins of Jericho, he burst forth with something like 
this : 

"Jack, do you see that range of mountains over yonder that bounds 
the Jordan valley ? The mountains of Moab, Jack ! Think of it, mr 
boy — the actual mountains of Moab— renowned in Scripture history. 
We are actually standing face to face with those illustrious crags and 
peaks — and for all we know" [dropping his voice impressively], our 
eyes may be resting at this very moment upon the spot WHERE LIES THE 
mysterious grave of Moses ! Think of it, Jack ! " 

" Moses who ? " (falling inflection). 

" Moses who ! Jack, you ought to be ashamed of yourself — you 
ought to be ashamed of such criminal ignorance. Why, Moses, the 
great guide, soldier, poet, lawgiver of ancient Israel ! Jack, from this 
spot where we stand, to Egypt, stretches a fearful desert three hundred 
miles in extent — and across that desert that wonderful man brought 
the children of Israel ! — guiding them with unfailing sagacity for forty 
years over the sandy desolation and among the obstructing rocks and 
hills, and landed them at last, safe and sound, within sight of this very 
spot; and where we now stand they entered the Promised Land with 
anthems of rejoicing ! It was a wonderful, wonderful thing to do, 
Jack! Think of it!" 

" Forty years ? Only three hundred miles ? Humph ! Ben Holli- 
day would have fetched them through in thirty-six hours ! " 

The boy meant no harm. He did not know that he had said any- 
thing that was wrong or irreverent. And so no one scolded him or felt 
offended with him — and nobody could but some ungenerous spirit inca- 
pable of excusing the heedless blunders of a boy. 

At noon on the fifth day out, we arrived at the 
"Crossing of the South Platte," alias "Julesburg," 
alias " Overland City," four hundred and seventy 
miles from St. Joseph — the strangest, quaintest, 
funniest frontier town that our untraveled eyes had 
ever stared at and been astonished with. 



CHAPTER VII. 

IT did seem strange enough to see a town again 
after what appeared to us such a long acquaint- 
ance with deep, still, almost lifeless and houseless 
solitude ! We tumbled out into the busy street feel- 
ing like meteoric people crumbled off the corner of 
some other world, and wakened up suddenly in this. 
For an hour we took as much interest in Overland 
City as if we had never seen a town before. The 
reason we had an hour to spare was because we had 
to change our stage (for a less sumptuous affair, 
called a " mud-wagon ") and transfer our freight 
of mails. 

Presently we got under way again. We came to 
the shallow, yellow, muddy South Platte, with its 
low banks and its scattering flat sand-bars and pigmy 
islands — a melancholy stream straggling through the 
center of the enormous flat plain, and only saved 
from being impossible to find with the naked eye by 
its sentinel rank of scattering trees standing on either 
bank. The Platte was "up," they said — which 
made me wish I could see it when it was down, if it 
could look any sicker and sorrier. They said it was 

(59) 



60 Roughing It 

a dangerous stream to cross, now, because its quick- 
sands were liable to swallow up horses, coach, and 
passengers if an attempt was made to ford it. But 
the mails had to go, and we made the attempt. 
Once or twice in midstream the wheels sunk into the 
yielding sands so threateningly that we half believed 
we had dreaded and avoided the sea all our lives to 
be shipwrecked in a M mud-wagon " in the middle of 
a desert at last. But we dragged through and sped 
away toward the setting sun. 

Next morning just before dawn, when about five 
hundred and fifty miles from St. Joseph, our mud- 
wagon broke down. We were to be delayed five or 
six hours, and therefore we took horses, by invita- 
tion, and joined a party who were just starting on a 
buffalo hunt. It was noble sport galloping over the 
plain in the dewy freshness of the morning, but our 
part of the hunt ended in disaster and disgrace, for 
a wounded buffalo bull chased the passenger Bemis 
nearly two miles, and then he forsook his horse and 
took to a lone tree. He was very sullen about the 
matter for some twenty-four hours, but at last he 
began to soften little by little, and finally he said : 

" Well, it was not funny, and there was no sense 
in those gawks making themselves so facetious over 
it. I tell you I was angry in earnest for awhile. I 
should have shot that long gangly lubber they called 
Hank, if I could have done it without crippling six 
or seven other people — but of course I couldn't, 
the old 'Allen' 's so confounded comprehensive. I 



Roughing It 61 

wish those loafers had been up in the tree; they 
wouldn't have wanted to laugh so. If I had had a 
horse worth a cent — but no, the minute he saw that 
buffalo bull wheel on him and give a bellow, he raised 
straight up in the air and stood on his heels. The 
saddle began to slip, and I took him round the neck 
and laid close to him, and began to pray. Then he 
came down and stood up on the other end awhile, 
and the bull actually stopped pawing sand and bel- 
lowing to contemplate the inhuman spectacle. Then 
the bull made a pass at him and uttered a bellow 
that sounded perfectly frightful, it was so close to 
me, and that seemed to literally prostrate my horse's 
reason, and make a raving distracted maniac of him, 
and I wish I may die if he didn't stand on his head 
for a quarter of a minute and shed tears. He was 
absolutely out of his mind — he was, as sure as truth 
itself, and he really didn't know what he was doing. 
Then the bull came charging at us, and my horse 
dropped down on all fours and took a fresh start — 
and then for the next ten minutes he would actually 
throw one handspring after another so fast that the 
bull began to get unsettled, too, and didn't know 
where to start in — and so he stood there sneezing, 
and shoveling dust over his back, and bellowing 
every now and then, and thinking he had got a 
fifteen-hundred dollar circus horse for breakfast, 
certain. Well, I was first out on his neck — the 
horse's, not the bull's — and then underneath, and 
next on his rump, and sometimes head up, and 



62 Roughing It 

sometimes heels — but I tell you it seemed solemn 
and awful to be ripping and tearing and carrying on 
so in the presence of death, as you might say. 
Pretty soon the bull made a snatch for us and 
brought away some of my horse's tail (I suppose, 
but do not know, being pretty busy at the time), but 
something made him hungry for solitude and sug- 
gested to him to get up and hunt for it. And then 
you ought to have seen that spider-legged old skele- 
ton go ! and you ought to have seen the bull cut out 
after him, too — head down, tongue out, tail up, 
bellowing like everything, and actually mowing down 
the weeds, and tearing up the earth, and boosting 
up the sand like a whirlwind ! By George, it was a 
hot race ! I and the saddle were back on the rump, 
and I had the bridle in my teeth and holding on to 
the pommel with both hands. First we left the dogs 
behind; then we passed a jackass rabbit; then we 
overtook a cayote, and were gaining on an antelope 
when the rotten girths let go and threw me about 
thirty yards off to the left, and as the saddle went 
down over the horse's rump he gave it a lift with his 
heels that sent it more than four hundred yards up 
in the air, I wish I may die in a minute if he didn't. 
I fell at the foot of the only solitary tree there was 
in nine counties adjacent (as any creature could see 
with the naked eye) , and the next second I had hold 
of the bark with four sets of nails and my teeth, and 
the next second after that I was astraddle of the 
main limb and blaspheming my luck in a way that 



Roughing It 63 

made my breath smell of brimstone. I had the bull, 
now, if he did not think of one thing. But that one 
thing I dreaded. I dreaded it very seriously. There 
was a possibility that the bull might not think of it, 
but there were greater chances that he would. I 
made up my mind what I would do in case he did. 
It was a little over forty feet to the ground from 
where I sat. I cautiously unwound the lariat from 
the pommel of my saddle — •" 

** Your saddle? Did you take your saddle up in 
the tree with you?" 

1 ' Take it up in the tree with me ? Why, how you 
talk. Of course I didn't. No man could do that. 
It fell in the tree when it came down," 

"Oh — exactly." 

11 Certainly. I unwound the lariat, and fastened 
one end of it to the limb. It was the very best 
green raw-hide, and capable of sustaining tons. I 
made a slip-noose in the other end, and then hung 
it down to see the length. It reached down twenty- 
two feet — half way to the ground. I then loaded 
every barrel of the Allen with a double charge. I 
felt satisfied. I said to myself, if he never thinks of 
that one thing that I dread, all right — but if he does, 
all right anyhow— ■ I am fixed for him. But don't 
you know that the very thing a man dreads is the 
thing that always happens? Indeed it is so. I 
watched the bull, now, with anxiety — anxiety which 
no one can conceive of who has not been in such a 
situation and felt that at any moment death might 



64 Roughing It 

come. Presently a thought came into the bull's 
eye. I knew it ! said I — if my nerve fails now, I 
am lost. Sure enough, it was just as I had dreaded, 
he started in to climb the tree — " 

"What, the bull?" 

" Of course — who else?" 

M But a bull can't climb a tree." 

tl He can't, can't he? Since you know so much 
about it, did you ever see a bull try?" 

" No ! I never dreamt of such a thing." 

" Well, then, what is the use of your talking that 
way, then? Because you never saw a thing done, is 
that any reason why it can't be done?" 

11 Well, all right — go on. What did you do?" 

"The bull started up, and got along well for 
about ten feet, then slipped and slid back. I 
breathed easier. He tried it again — got up a little 
higher — slipped again. But he came at it once 
more, and this time he was careful. He got gradu- 
ally higher and higher, and my spirits went down 
more and more. Up he came — an inch at a time 

— with his eyes hot, and his tongue hanging out. 
Higher and higher — hitched his foot over the stump 
of a limb, and looked up, as much as to say, ' You 
are my meat, friend.' Up again — higher and 
higher, and getting more excited the closer he got. 
He was within ten feet of me ! I took a long breath, 

— and then said I, ' It is now or never.' I had the 
coil of the lariat all ready ; I paid it out slowly, till it 
hung right over his head ; all of a sudden I let go of 



Roughing It 65 

the slack, and the slipnoose fell fairly round his 
neck ! Quicker than lightning I out with the Allen 
and let him have it in the face. It was an awful 
roar, and must have scared the bull out of his senses. 
When the smoke cleared away, there he was, dang- 
ling in the air, twenty foot from the ground, and 
going out of one convulsion into another faster than 
you could count! I didn't stop to count, anyhow 
— I shinned down the tree and shot for home." 

" Bemis, is all that true, just as you have stated 
it?" 

" I wish I may rot in my tracks and die the death 
of a dog if it isn't." 

44 Well, we can't refuse to believe it, and we don't. 
But if there were some proofs — ' ' 

11 Proofs ! Did I bring back my lariat?" 

44 No." 

41 Did I bring back my horse?" 

44 No." 

44 Did you ever see the bull again?" 

44 No." 

44 Well, then, what more do you want? I never 
saw anybody as particular as you are about a little 
thing like that." 

I made up my mind that if this man was not a liar 
he only missed it by the skin of his teeth. This 
episode reminds me of an incident of my brief so- 
journ in Siam, years afterward. The European 
citizens of a town in the neighborhood of Bangkok 
had a prodigy among them by the name of E«kert, 
5, 



66 Roughing It 

an Englishman — a person famous for the number, 
ingenuity, and imposing magnitude of his lies. They 
were always repeating his most celebrated false- 
hoods, and always trying to " draw him out " before 
strangers; but they seldom succeeded. Twice he 
was invited to the house where I was visiting, but 
nothing could seduce him into a specimen lie. One 
day a planter named Bascom, an influential man, 
and a proud and sometimes irascible one, invited me 
to ride over with him and call on Eckert. As we 
jogged along, said he : 

" Now, do you know where the fault lies? It lies 
in putting Eckert on his guard. The minute the 
boys go to pumping at Eckert he knows perfectly 
well what they are after, and of course he shuts up 
his shell. Anybody might know he would. But 
when we get there, we must play him finer than that. 
Let him shape the conversation to suit himself — let 
him drop it or change it whenever he wants to. Let 
him see that nobody is trying to draw him out. 
Just let him have his own way. He will soon forget 
himself and begin to grind out lies like a mill. 
Don't get impatient — just keep quiet, and let me 
play him. I will make him lie. It does seem to me 
that the boys must be blind to overlook such an 
obvious and simple trick as that." 

Eckert received us heartily — a pleasant-spoken, 
gentle-mannered creature. We sat in the veranda 
an hour, sipping English ale, and talking about the 
king, and the sacred white elephant, the Sleeping 



Roughing It 67 

Idol, and all manner of things; and I noticed that 
my comrade never led the conversation himself or 
shaped it, but simply followed Eckert's lead, and 
betrayed no solicitude and no anxiety about any- 
thing. The effect was shortly perceptible. Eckert 
began to grow communicative; he grew more and 
more at his ease, and more and more talkative and 
sociable. Another hour passed in the same way, and 
then all of a sudden Eckert said : 

M Oh, by the way! I came near forgetting. I 
have got a thing here to astonish you. Such a thing 
as neither you nor any other man ever heard of — 
I've got a cat that will eat cocoanut! Common 
green cocoanut — and not only eat the meat, but 
drink the milk. It is so — I'll swear to it." 

A quick glance from Bascom — a glance that I 
understood — then : 

" Why, bless my soul, I never heard of such a 
thing. Man, it is impossible." 

" I knew you would say it. I'll fetch the cat." 

He went in the house. Bascom said : 

M There — what did I tell you? Now, that is the 
way to handle Eckert. You see, I have petted him 
along patiently, and put his suspicions to sleep. I 
am glad we came. You tell the boys about it when 
you go back. Cat eat a cocoanut— oh, my! Now, 
that is just his way, exactly — he will tell the absurd- 
est lie, and trust to luck to get out of it again. Cat 
eat a cocoanut — the innocent fool!" 

Eckert approached with his cat, sure enough. 

E* 



68 Roughing It 

Bascom smiled. Said he: 

" I'll hold the cat — you bring a cocoanut." 

Eckert split one open, and chopped up some 
pieces. Bascom smuggled a wink to me, and prof- 
fered a slice of the fruit to puss. She snatched it, 
swallowed it ravenously, and asked for more ! 

We rode our two miles in silence, and wide apart. 
At least I was silent, though Bascom cuffed his horse 
and cursed him a good deal, notwithstanding the 
horse was behaving well enough. When I branched 
off homeward, Bascom said : 

** Keep the horse till morning. And — you need 
aot speak of this foolishness to the boys." 



CHAPTER VIII. 

IN a little while all interest was taken up in stretch- 
ing our necks and watching for the " pony-rider " 
— the fleet messenger who sped across the continent 
from St. Joe to Sacramento, carrying letters nine- 
teen hundred miles in eight days ! Think of that for 
perishable horse and human flesh and blood to do ! 
The pony-rider was usually a little bit of a man, brim- 
ful of spirit and endurance. No matter what time of 
the day or night his watch came on, and no matter 
whether it was winter or summer, raining, snowing, 
hailing, or sleeting, or whether his "beat" was a 
level straight road or a crazy trail over mountain 
crags and precipices, or whether it led through 
peaceful regions or regions that swarmed with hostile 
Indians, he must be always ready to leap into the 
saddle and be off like the wind ! There was no 
idling-time for a pony-rider on duty. He rode fifty 
miles without stopping, by daylight, moonlight, 
starlight, or through the blackness of darkness — 
just as it happened. He rode a splendid horse that 
was born for a racer and fed and lodged like a gen- 
tleman; kept him at his utmost speed for ten miles, 

(69) 



70 Roughing It 

and then, as he came crashing up to the station 
where stood two men holding fast a fresh, impatient 
steed, the transfer of rider and mail-bag was made 
in the twinkling of an eye, and away flew the eager 
pair and were out of sight before the spectator could 
get hardly the ghost of a look. Both rider and horse 
went " flying light." The rider's dress was thin, 
and fitted close; he wore a " roundabout," and a 
skull-cap, and tucked his pantaloons into his boot- 
tops like a race-rider. He carried no arms — he 
carried nothing that was not absolutely necessary, 
for even the postage on his literary freight was 
worth five dollars a letter. He got but little frivol- 
ous correspondence to carry — his bag had business 
letters in it, mostly. His horse was stripped of all 
unnecessary weight, too. He wore a little wafer of 
a racing-saddle, and no visible blanket. He wore 
light shoes, or none at all. The little flat mail- 
pockets strapped under the rider's thighs would each 
hold about the bulk of a child's primer. They held 
many and many an important business chapter and 
newspaper letter, but these were written on paper as 
airy and thin as gold-leaf, nearly, and thus bulk and 
weight were economized. The stage-coach traveled 
about a hundred to a hundred and twenty-five miles 
a day (twenty-four hours), the pony-rider about two 
hundred and fifty. There were about eighty pony- 
riders in the saddle all the time, night and day, 
stretching in a long, scattering procession from Mis- 
souri to California, forty flying eastward, and forty 



Roughing It 71 

toward the west, and among them making four hun- 
dred gallant horses earn a stirring livelihood and see 
a deal of scenery every single day in the year. 

We had had a consuming desire, from the begin- 
ning, to see a pony-rider, but somehow or other all 
that passed us and all that met us managed to streak 
by in the night, and so we heard only a whiz and a 
hail, and the swift phantom of the desert was gone 
before we could get our heads out of the windows. 
But now we were expecting one along every moment, 
and would see him in broad daylight. Presently the 
driver exclaims : 

44 Here he comes!" 

Every neck is stretched further, and every eye 
strained wider. Away across the endless dead level 
of the prairie a black speck appears against the sky, 
and it is plain that it moves. Well, I should think 
so ! In a second or two it becomes a horse and 
rider, rising and falling, rising and falling — sweep- 
ing toward us nearer and nearer — growing more and 
more distinct, more and more sharply defined — 
nearer and still nearer, and the flutter of the hoofs 
comes faintly to the ear — another instant a whoop 
and a hurrah from our upper deck, a wave of the 
rider's hand, but no reply, and man and horse burst 
past our excited faces, and go winging away like a 
belated fragment of a storm ! 

So sudden is it all, and so like a flash of unreal 
fancy, that but for the flake of white foam left quiv- 
ering and perishing on a mail-sack after the vision 



72 Roughing It 

had flashed by and disappeared, we might have 
doubted whether we had seen any actual horse and 
man at all, maybe. 

We rattled through Scott's Bluffs Pass, by and by. 
It was along here somewhere that we first came 
across genuine and unmistakable alkali water in the 
road, and we cordially hailed it as a first-class curi- 
osity, and a thing to be mentioned with eclat in let- 
ters to the ignorant at home. This water gave the 
road a soapy appearance, and in many places the 
ground looked as if it had been whitewashed. I 
think the strange alkali water excited us as much as 
any wonder we had come upon yet, and I know we 
felt very complacent and conceited, and better satis- 
fied with life after we had added it to our list of 
things which we had seen and some other people 
had not. In a small way we were the same sort of 
simpletons as those who climb unnecessarily the 
perilous peaks of Mont Blanc and the Matterhorn, 
and derive no pleasure from it except the reflection 
that it isn't a common experience. But once in a 
while one of those parties trips and comes darting 
down the long mountain-crags in a sitting-posture, 
making the crusted snow smoke behind him, flitting 
from bench to bench, and from terrace to terrace, 
jarring the earth where he strikes, and still glancing 
and flitting on again, sticking an iceberg into himself 
every now and then, and tearing his clothes, snatch- 
ing at things to save himself, taking hold of trees 
and fetching them along with him, roots anpl all, 



Roughing It 73 

starting little rocks now and then, then big boulders, 
then acres of ice and snow and patches of forest, 
gathering and still gathering as he goes, and adding 
and still adding to his massed and sweeping grandeur 
as he nears a three-thousand-foot precipice, till at 
last he waves his hat magnificently and rides into 
eternity on the back of a raging and tossing ava- 
lanche ! 

This is all very fine, but let us not be carried away 
by excitement, but ask calmly, how does this person 
feel about it in his cooler moments next day, with 
six or seven thousand feet of snow and stuff on top 
of him? 

We crossed the sand hills near the scene of the 
Indian mail robbery and massacre of 1856, wherein 
the driver and conductor perished, and also all the 
passengers but one, it was supposed; but this must 
have been a mistake, for at different times afterward 
on the Pacific coast I was personally acquainted with 
a hundred and thirty-three or four people who were 
wounded during that massacre, and barely escaped 
with their lives. There was no doubt of the truth of 
it — I had it from their own lips. One of these 
parties told me that he kept coming across arrow- 
heads in his system for nearly seven years after the 
massacre ; and another of them told me that he was 
stuck so literally full of arrows that after the Indians 
were gone and he could raise up and examine him- 
self, he could not restrain his tears, for his clothes 
were completely ruined. 



74 Roughing It 

The most trustworthy tradition avers, however, 
that only one man, a person named Babbitt, survived 
the massacre, and he was desperately wounded. He 
dragged himself on his hands and knee (for one leg 
was broken) to a station several miles away. He 
did it during portions of two nights, lying concealed 
one day and part of another, and for more than 
forty hours suffering unimaginable anguish from 
hunger, thirst, and bodily pain. The Indians robbed 
the coach of everything it contained, including quite 
an amount of treasure. 



CHAPTER IX. 

WE passed Fort Laramie in the night, and on the 
seventh morning out we found ourselves in the 
Black Hills, with Laramie Peak at our elbow (appa- 
rently) looming vast and solitary — a deep, dark, 
rich indigo blue in hue, so portentously did the old 
colossus frown under his beetling brows of storm- 
cloud. He was thirty or forty miles away, in real- 
ity, but he only seemed removed a little beyond the 
low ridge at our right. We breakfasted at Horse- 
Shoe Station, six hundred and seventy-six miles out 
from St. Joseph. We had now reached a hostile 
Indian country, and during the afternoon we passed 
Laparelle Station, and enjoyed great discomfort all 
the time we were in the neighborhood, being aware 
that many of the trees we dashed by at arm's length 
concealed a lurking Indian or two. During the pre- 
ceding night an ambushed savage had sent a bullet 
through the pony-rider's jacket, but he had ridden 
on, just the same, because pony-riders were not al- 
lowed to stop and inquire into such things except 
when killed. As long as they had life enough left 
in them they had to stick to the horse and ride, even 

(75) 



76 Roughing It 

if the Indians had been waiting for them a week, and 
were entirely out of patience. About two hours and 
a half before we arrived at Laparelle Station, the 
keeper in charge of it had fired four times at an 
Indian, but he said with an injured air that the Indian 
had " skipped around so's to spile everything — and 
ammunition's blamed skurse, too." The most nat- 
ural inference conveyed by his manner of speaking 
was, that in " skipping around," the Indian had 
taken an unfair advantage. The coach we were in 
had a neat hole through its front — a reminiscence 
of its last trip through this region. The bullet that 
made it wounded the driver slightly, but he did not 
mind it much. He said the place to keep a man 
"huffy" was down on the Southern Overland, 
among the Apaches, before the company moved the 
stage line up on the northern route. He said the 
Apaches used to annoy him all the time down there, 
and that he came as near as anything to starving to 
death in the midst of abundance, because they kept 
him so leaky with bullet holes that he " couldn't hold 
his vittles." This person's statements were not gen- 
erally believed. 

We shut the blinds down very tightly that first 
night in the hostile Indian country, and lay on our 
arms. We slept on them some, but most of the time 
we only lay on them. We did not talk much, but 
kept quiet and listened. It was an inky-black night, 
and occasionally rainy. We were among woods and 
rocks, hills and gorges — so shut in, in fact, that 



Roughing It 77 

when we peeped through a chink in a curtain, we 
could discern nothing. The driver and conductor 
on top were still, too, or only spoke at long inter- 
vals, in low tones, as is the way of men in the midst 
of invisible dangers. We listened to rain-drops pat- 
tering on the roof ; and the grinding of the wheels 
through the muddy gravel; and the low wailing of 
the wind ; and all the time we had that absurd sense 
upon us, inseparable from travel at night in a close- 
curtained vehicle, the sense of remaining perfectly 
still in one place, notwithstanding the jolting and 
swaying of the vehicle, the trampling of the horses, 
and the grinding of the wheels. We listened a long 
time, with intent faculties and bated breath; every 
time one of us would relax, and draw a long sigh of 
relief and start to say something, a comrade would 
be sure to utter a sudden "Hark!" and instantly 
the experimenter was rigid and listening again. So 
the tiresome minutes and decades of minutes dragged 
away, until at last our tense forms filmed over with 
a dulled consciousness, and we slept, if one might 
call such a condition by so strong a name — for it was 
a sleep set with a hair-trigger. It was a sleep seeth- 
ing and teeming with a weird and distressful confu- 
sion of shreds and fag-ends of dreams — a sleep that 
was a chaos. Presently, dreams and sleep and the 
sullen hush of the night were startled by a ringing 
report, and cloven by such a long, wild, agoniz- 
ing shriek ! Then we heard — ten steps from the 
stage — 



78 Roughing It 

" Help ! help! help!" [It was our driver's 
voice.] 

' ' Kill him ! Kill him like a dog ! ' ' 

"I'm being murdered! Will no man lend me a 
pistol?" 

" Look out! head him off! head him off!" 

[Two pistol shots ; a confusion of voices and the 
trampling of many feet, as if a crowd were closing 
and surging together around some object; several 
heavy, dull blows, as with a club ; a voice that said 
appealingly, " Don't, gentlemen, please don't — I'm 
a dead man!" Then a fainter groan, and another 
blow, and away sped the stage into the darkness, 
and left the grisly mystery behind us.] 

What a startle it was ! Eight seconds would 
amply cover the time it occupied — maybe even five 
would do it. We only had time to plunge at a cur- 
tain and unbuckle and unbutton part of it in an awk- 
ward and hindering flurry, when our whip cracked 
sharply overhead, and we went rumbling and thun- 
dering away, down a mountain " grade." 

We fed on that mystery the rest of the night — 
what was left of it, for it was waning fast. It had 
to remain a present mystery, for all we could get 
from the conductor in answer to our hails was some- 
thing that sounded, through the clatter of the wheels, 
like " Tell you in the morning!" 

So we lit our pipes and opened the corner of a 
curtain for a chimney, and lay there in the dark, lis- 
tening to each other's story of how he first felt and 



Roughing It 79 

how many thousand Indians he first thought had 
hurled themselves upon us, and what his remem- 
brance of the subsequent sounds was, and the order 
of their occurrence. And we theorized, too, but 
there was never a theory that would account for our 
driver's voice being out there, nor yet account for 
his Indian murderers talking such good English, if 
they were Indians. 

So we chatted and smoked the rest of the night 
comfortably away, our boding anxiety being some- 
how marvelously dissipated by the real presence of 
something to be anxious about. 

We never did get much satisfaction about that 
dark occurrence. All that we could make out of the 
odds and ends of the information we gathered in the 
morning, was that the disturbance occurred at a sta- 
tion; that we changed drivers there, and that the 
driver that got off there had been talking roughly 
about some of the outlaws that infested the region 
(" for there wasn't a man around there but had a 
price on his head and didn't dare show himself in the 
settlements," the conductor said); he had talked 
roughly about these characters, and ought to have 
" drove up there with his pistol cocked and ready 
on the »eat alongside of him, and begun business 
himself, because any softy would know they would 
be laying for him." 

That was all we could gather, and we could see 
that neither the conductor nor the new driver were 
much concerned about the matter. They plainly 



80 Roughing It 

had little respect for a man who would deliver offen- 
sive opinions of people and then be so simple as to 
come into their presence unprepared to " back his 
judgment," as they pleasantly phrased the killing of 
any fellow-being who did not like said opinions. And 
likewise they plainly had a contempt for the man's 
poor discretion in venturing to rouse the wrath of 
such utterly reckless wild beasts as those outlaws — 
and the conductor added : 

4< I tell you it's as much as Slade himself wants 
to do! " 

This remark created an entire revolution in my cu- 
riosity. I cared nothing now about the Indians, and 
even lost interest in the murdered driver. There was 
much magic in that name, Slade ! Day or night, 
now, I stood always ready to drop any subject in hand, 
to listen to something new about Slade and his ghastly 
exploits. Even before we got to Overland City, we 
had begun to hear about Slade and his " division " 
(for he was a <c division-agent ") on the Overland; 
and from the hour we had left Overland City we had 
heard drivers and conductors talk about only three 
things — " Californy," the Nevada silver mines, and 
this desperado Slade. And a deal the most of 
the talk was about Slade. We had gradually come 
to have a realizing sense of the fact that Slade was a 
man whose heart and hands and soul were steeped 
in the blood of offenders against his dignity ; a man 
who awfully avenged all injuries, affronts, insults or 
slights, of whatever kind — on the spot if he could, 



Roughing It 81 

years afterward if lack of earlier opportunity com- 
pelled it; a man whose hate tortured him day and 
night till vengeance appeased it — - and not an ordi- 
nary vengeance either, but his enemy's absolute death 
■ — nothing less ; a man whose face would light up 
with a terrible joy when he surprised a foe and had 
him at a disadvantage. A high and efficient servant 
of the Overland, an outlaw among outlaws and yet 
their relentless scourge, Slade was at once the most 
bloody, the most dangerous, and the most valuable 
citizen that inhabited the savage fastnesses of the 
mountains. 



6* 



CHAPTER X. 

P\EALLY and truly, two-thirds of the talk of driv- 
rv ers and conductors had been about this man 
Slade, ever since the day before we reached Jules- 
burg. In order that the Eastern reader may have 
a clear conception of what a Rocky Mountain 
desperado is, in his highest state of development, 
I will reduce all this mass of overland gossip to one 
straightforward narrative, and present it in the fol- 
lowing shape : 

Slade was born in Illinois, of good parentage. At 
about twenty-six years of age he killed a man in a 
quarrel and fled the country. At St. Joseph, Mis- 
souri, he joined one of the early California-bound 
emigrant trains, and was given the post of train- 
master. One day on the plains he had an angry 
dispute with one of his wagon-drivers, and both drew 
their revolvers. But the driver was the quicker 
artist, and had his weapon cocked first. So Slade 
said it was a pity to waste life on so small a matter, 
and proposed that the pistols be thrown on the 
ground and the quarrel settled by a fist-fight. The 
unsuspecting driver agreed, and threw down his 

(82) 



Roughing It 83 

pistol — whereupon Slade laughed at his simplicity, 
and shot him dead ! 

He made his escape, and lived a wild life for 
awhile, dividing his time between fighting Indians 
and avoiding an Illinois sheriff, who had been sent 
to arrest him for his first murder. It is said that in 
one Indian battle he killed three savages with his own 
hand, and afterward cut their ears off and sent 
them, with his compliments, to the chief of the tribe. 

Slade soon gained a name for fearless resolution, 
and this was sufficient merit to procure for him the 
important post of overland division-agent at Jules- 
burg, in place of Mr. Jules, removed. For some 
time previously, the company's horses had been fre- 
quently stolen, and the coaches delayed, by gangs 
of outlaws, who were wont to laugh at the idea of 
any man's having the temerity to resent such out- 
rages. Slade resented them promptly. The out- 
laws soon found that the new agent was a man who 
did not fear anything that breathed the breath of 
life. He made short work of all offenders. The 
result was that delays ceased, the company's 
property was let alone, and, no matter what happened 
or who suffered, Slade 's coaches went through, 
every time ! True, in order to bring about this 
wholesome change, Slade had to kill several men — 
some say three, others say four, and others six — • 
but the world was the richer for their loss. The 
first prominent difficulty he had was with the ex- 
agent Jules, who bore the reputation of being a reck- 



84 Roughing It 

less and desperate man himself. Jules hated Slade 
for supplanting him, and a good fair occasion for a 
fight was all he was waiting for. By and by Slade 
dared to employ a man whom Jules had once dis- 
charged. Next, Slade seized a team of stage-horses 
which he accused Jules of having driven off and hid- 
den somewhere for his own use. War was declared, 
and for a day or two the two men walked warily 
about the streets, seeking each other, Jules armed 
with a double-barreled shot gun, and Slade with his 
history-creating revolver. Finally, as Slade stepped 
into a store, Jules poured the contents of his gun 
into him from behind the door. Slade was pluck, 
and Jules got several bad pistol wounds in return. 
Then both men fell, and were carried to their respect- 
ive lodgings, both swearing that better aim should do 
deadlier work next time. Both were bed-ridden a 
long time, but Jules got on his feet first, and gather- 
ing his possessions together, packed them on a 
couple of mules, and fled to the Rocky Mountains to 
gather strength in safety against the day of reckon- 
ing. For many months he was not seen or heard 
of, and was gradually dropped out of the remem- 
brance of all save Slade himself. But Slade was 
not the man to forget him. On the contrary, com- 
mon report said that Slade kept a reward standing 
for his capture, dead or alive ! 

After awhile, seeing that Slade' s energetic admin- 
istration had restored peace and order to one of the 
worst divisions of the road, the Overland Stage Com- 



Roughing !t 85 

pany transferred him to the Rocky Ridge division 
in the Rocky Mountains, to see if he could perform 
a like miracle there. It was the very paradise of out- 
laws and desperadoes. There was absolutely no 
semblance of law there. Violence was the rule. 
Force was the only recognized authority. The com- 
monest misunderstandings were settled on the spot 
with the revolver or the knife. Murders were done 
in open day, and with sparkling frequency, and no- 
body thought of inquiring into them. It was con- 
sidered that the parties who did the killing had their 
private reasons for it ; for other people to meddle 
would have been looked upon as indelicate. After 
a murder, all that Rocky Mountain etiquette required 
of a spectator was, that he should help the gentle- 
men bury his game — otherwise his churlishness 
would surely be remembered against him the first 
time he killed a man himself and needed a neighborly 
turn in interring him. 

Slade took up his residence sweetly and peacefully 
in the midst of this hive of horse-thieves and assas- 
sins, and the very first time one of them aired his in- 
solent swaggerings in his presence he shot him dead ! 
He began a raid on the outlaws, and in a singularly 
short space of time he had completely stopped their 
depredations on the stage stock, recovered a large 
number of stolen horses, killed several of the worst 
desperadoes of the district, and gained such a dread 
ascendancy over the rest that they respected him, 
admired him, feared him, obeyed him ! He wrought 



86 Roughing It 

the same marvelous change in the ways of the com- 
munity that had marked his administration at Over- 
land City. He captured two men who had stolen 
Overland stock, and with his own hands he hanged 
them. He was supreme judge in his district, and he 
was jury and executioner likewise — and not only in 
the case of offenses against his employers, but 
against passing emigrants as well. On one occasion 
some emigrants had their stock lost or stolen, and 
told Slade, who chanced to visit their camp. With 
a single companion he rode to a ranch, the owners 
of which he suspected, and, opening the door, com- 
menced firing, killing three, and wounding the 
fourth. 

From a bloodthirstily interesting little Montana 
book* I take this paragraph : 

While on the road, Slade held absolute sway. He would ride down 
to a station, get into a quarrel, turn the house out of windows, and 
maltreat the occupants most cruelly. The unfortunates had no means 
of redress, and were compelled to recuperate as best they could. On 
one of these occasions, it is said he killed the father of the fine little 
half-breed boy Jemmy, whom he adopted, and who lived with his 
widow after his execution. Stories of Slade's hanging men, and of in- 
numerable assaults, shootings, stabbings, and beatings, in which he was 
a principal actor, form part of the legends of the stage line. As for 
minor quarrels and shootings, it is absolutely certain that a minute his- 
tory of Slade's life would be one long record of such practices. 

Slade was a matchless marksman with a navy re- 
volver. The legends say that one morning at Rocky 
Ridge, when he was feeling comfortable, he saw a 



"The Vigilantes of Montana," by Prof. Thos. J. Dimsdale. 



Roughing It 87 

man approaching who had offended him some days 
before — observe the fine memory he had for mat- 
ters like that — and, " Gentlemen," said Slade, draw- 
ing, "it is a good twenty-yard shot — I'll clip the 
third button on his coat! " Which he did. The 
bystanders all admired it. And they all attended 
the funeral, too. 

On one occasion a man who kept a little whisky- 
shelf at the station did something which angered 
Slade — and went and made his will. A day or two 
afterward Slade came in and called for some brandy. 
The man reached under the counter (ostensibly to 
get a bottle — possibly to get something else), but 
Slade smiled upon him that peculiarly bland and sat- 
isfied smile of his which the neighbors had long ago 
learned to recognize as a death warrant in disguise, 
and told him to ' ' none of that ! — pass out the high- 
priced article." So the poor barkeeper had to turn 
his back and get the high-priced brandy from the 
shelf ; and when he faced around again he was look- 
ing into the muzzle of Slade' s pistol. "And the 
next instant," added my informant, impressively, 
" he was one of the deadest men that ever lived." 

The stage drivers and conductors told us that some- 
times Slade would leave a hated enemy wholly un- 
molested, unnoticed and unmentiored, for weeks to- 
gether — had done it once or twice, at any rate. 
And some said they believed he did it in order to 
lull the victims into unwatchfulness, so that he could 
get the advantage of them, and others said they 



SS Roughing It 

believed he saved up an enemy that way, just as a 
schoolboy saves up a cake, and made the pleasure 
go as far as it would by gloating over the anticipa- 
tion. One of these cases was that of a Frenchman 
who had offended Slade. To the surprise of every- 
body Slade did not kill him on the spot, but let him 
alone for a considerable time. Finally, however, he 
went to the Frenchman's house very late one night, 
knocked, and when his enemy opened the door, shot 
him dead — pushed the corpse inside the door with 
his foot, set the house on fire and burned up the 
dead man, his widow and three children ! I heard 
this story from several different people, and they 
evidently believed what they were saying. It may 
be true, and it may not. " Give a dog a bad 
name," etc. 

Slade was captured once, by a party of men who 
intended to lynch him. They disarmed him, and 
shut him up in a strong log-house, and placed a 
guard over him. He prevailed on his captors to 
send for his wife, so that he might have a last inter- 
view with her. She was a brave, loving, spirited 
woman. She jumped on a horse and rode for life 
and death. When she arrived they let her in with- 
out searching her, and before the door could be 
closed she whipped out a couple of revolvers, and 
she and her lord marched forth defying the party. 
And then, under a brisk fire, they mounted double 
and galloped away unharmed ! 

In the fullness of time Slade' s myrmidons captured 



Roughing It 89 

his ancient enemy, Jules, whom they found in a well- 
chosen hiding-place in the remote fastnesses of the 
mountains, gaining a precarious livelihood with his 
rifle. They brought him to Rocky Ridge, bound hand 
and foot, and deposited him in the middle of the cattle- 
yard with his back against a post. It is said that 
the pleasure that lit Slade's face when he heard of 
it was something fearful to contemplate. He ex 
amined his enemy to see that he was securely tied 
and then went to bed, content to wait till morning 
before enjoying the luxury of killing him. Jules 
spent the night in the cattle-yard, and it is a region 
where warm nights are never known. In the morn- 
ing Slade practised on him with his revolver, nipping 
the flesh here and there, and occasionally clipping 
off a finger, while Jules begged him to kill him out- 
right and put him out of his misery. Finally Slade 
reloaded, and walking up close to his victim, made 
some characteristic, remarks and then dispatched 
him. The body lay there half a day, nobody ven- 
turing to touch it without orders, and then Slade de- 
tailed a party and assisted at the burial himself. 
But he first cut off the dead man's ears and put them 
in his vest pocket, where he carried them for some 
time with great satisfaction. That is the story as I 
have frequently heard it told and seen it in print in 
California newspapers. It is doubtless correct in all 
essential particulars. 

In due time we rattled up to a stage-station, and 
sat down to breakfast with a half-savage, half-civil- 



90 Roughing It 

ized company of armed and bearded mountaineers, 
ranchmen and station employes. The most gentle- 
manly-appearing, quiet, and affable officer we had yet 
found along the road in the Overland Company's 
service was the person who sat at the head of the 
table, at my elbow. Never youth stared and shiv- 
ered as I did when I heard them call him Slade ! 

Here was romance, and I sitting face to face 
with it!— -looking upon it — touching it — hobnob- 
bing with it, as it were ! Here, right by my side, 
was the actual ogre who, in fights and brawls and 
various ways, had taken the lives of twenty-six human 
beings, or all men lied about him ! I suppose I was 
the proudest stripling that ever traveled to see 
strange lands and wonderful people. 

He was so friendly and so gentle-spoken that I 
warmed to him in spite of his awful history. It was 
hardly possible to realize that this pleasant person 
was the pitiless scourge of the outlaws, the raw-head- 
and-bloody-bones the nursing mothers of the moun- 
tains terrified their children with. And to this day 
I can remember nothing remarkable about Slade ex- 
cept that his face was rather broad across the cheek 
bones, and that the cheek bones were low and the 
lips peculiarly thin and straight. But that was 
enough to leave something of an effect upon me, 
for since then I seldom see a face possessing those 
characteristics without fancying that the owner of it 
is a dangerous man. 

The coffee ran out. At least it was reduced to 



Roughing It 91 

one tin-cupful, and Slade was about to take it when 
he saw that my cup was empty. He politely offered 
to fill it, but although I wanted it, I politely de- 
clined. I was afraid he had not killed anybody that 
morning, and might be needing diversion. But still 
with firm politeness he insisted on filling my cup, 
and said I had traveled all night and better deserved 
it than he — and while he talked he placidly poured 
the fluid, to the last drop. I thanked him and 
drank it, but it gave me no comfort, for I could not 
feel sure that he would not be sorry, presently, that 
he had given it away, and proceed to kill me to dis- 
tract his thoughts from the loss. But nothing of the 
kind occurred. We left him with only twenty-six 
dead people to account for, and I felt a tranquil satis- 
faction in the thought that in so judiciously taking 
care of No. I at that breakfast- table I had pleasantly 
escaped being No. 27. Slade came out to the coach 
and saw us off, first ordering certain rearrangements 
of the mail-bags for our comfort, and then we took 
leave of him, satisfied that we should hear of him 
again, some day, and wondering in what connection. 



CHAPTER XI. 

SND sure enough, two or three years afterward, 
we did hear of him again. News came to the 
Pacific coast that the Vigilance Committee in Mon- 
tana (whither Slade had removed from Rocky 
Ridge) had hanged him. I find an account of the 
affair in the thrilling little book I quoted a paragraph 
from in the last chapter — ** The Vigilantes of Mon- 
tana; being a Reliable Account of the Capture, Trial 
and Execution of Henry Plummer's Notorious Road 
Agent Band : By Prof. Thos. J. Dimsdale, Virginia 
City, M. T." Mr. Dimsdale's chapter is well worth 
reading, as a specimen of how the people of the 
frontier deal with criminals when the courts of law 
prove inefficient. Mr. Dimsdale makes two remarks 
about Slade, both of which are accurately descrip- 
tive, and one of which is exceedingly picturesque : 
" Those who saw him in his natural state only, 
would pronounce him to be a kind husband, a most 
hospitable host, and a courteous gentleman ; on the 
contrary, those who met him when maddened with 
liquor and surrounded by a gang of armed roughs, 
would pronounce him a fiend incarnate." And 
this: "From Fort Kearney, west, he was feared 

(92) 



Roughing it 93 

a great deal more than the Almighty " For com- 
pactness, simplicity, and vigor of expression, I will 
1 ' back ' ' that sentence against anything in litera- 
ture. Mr. Dimsdale's narrative is as follows. In 
all places where italics occur they are mine : 

After the execution of the five men on the 14th of January, the 
Vigilantes considered that their work was nearly ended. They had 
freed the country of highwaymen and murderers to a great extent, and 
they determined that in the absence of the regular civil authority they 
would establish a People's Court where all offenders should be tried by 
judge and jury. This was the nearest approach to social order that the 
circumstances permitted, and, though strict legal authority was wanting, 
yet the people were firmly determined to maintain its efficiency, and to 
enforce its decrees. It may here be mentioned that the overt act which 
was the last round on the fatal ladder leading to the scaffold on which 
Slade perished, was the tearing in pieces and stamping upon a writ of 
this court, followed by his arrest of the Judge, Alex. Davis, by authority 
of a presented Derringer, and with his own hands. 

J. A. Slade was himself, we have been informed, a Vigilante ; he 
openly boasted of it, and said he knew all that they knew. He was never 
accused, or even suspected, of either murder or robbery, committed in 
this Territory (the latter crime was never laid to his charge, in any 
place); but that he had killed several men in other localities was notori- 
ous, and his bad reputation in this respect was a most powerful argu- 
ment in determining his fate, when he was finally arrested for the of- 
fense above mentioned. On returning from Milk River he became 
more and more addicted to drinking, until at last it was a common feat 
for him and his friends to "take the town." He and a couple of his 
dependents might often be seen on one horse, galloping through the 
streets, shouting and yelling, firing revolvers, etc. On many occasions 
he would ride his horse into stores, break up bars, toss the scales out of 
doors, and use most insulting language to parties present. Just previous 
to the day of his arrest, he had given a fearful beating to one of his 
followers; but such was his influence over them that the man wept bit- 
terly at the gallows, and begged for his life with all his power. It had 
become quite common, when Slade was on a spree, for the shopkeepers 
and citizens to close the stores and put out all the lights ; being fearful 
of some outrage at his hands. For his wanton destruction of goods and 



94 Roughing It 

furniture, he was always ready to pay, when sober, if he had money ; 
but there were not a few who regarded payment as small satisfaction 
for the outrage, and these men were his personal enemies. 

From time to time Slade received warnings from men that he well 
knew would not deceive him, of the certain end of his conduct. There 
was not a moment, for weeks previous to his arrest, in which the public 
did not expect to hear of some bloody outrage. The dread of his 
very name, and the presence of the armed band of hangers-on who fol- 
lowed him alone prevented a resistance which must certainly have ended 
in the instant murder or mutilation of the opposing party. 

Slade was frequently arrested by order of the court whose organ- 
ization we have described, and had treated it with respect by paying 
one or two fines and promising to pay the rest when he had money; 
but in the transaction that occurred at this crisis, he forgot even this 
caution, and, goaded by passion and the hatred of restraint, he sprang 
into the embrace of death. 

Slade had been drunk and "cutting-up" all night. He and his 
companions had made the town a perfect hell. In the morning, J. 
M. Fox, the sheriff, met him, arrested him, took him into court and 
commenced reading a warrant that he had for his arrest, by way of ar- 
raignment. He became uncontrollably furious, and seizing the writ, he 
tore it up, threw it on the ground and stamped upon it. The clicking of 
the locks of his companions' revolvers was instantly heard, and a crisis 
was expected. The sheriff did not attempt his retention; but being at 
least as prudent as he was valiant, he succumbed, leaving Slade the 
master of the situation and the conqueror and ruler of the courts, law, 
and law-makers. This was a declaration of war, and was so accepted. 
The Vigilance Committee now felt that the question of social order and 
the preponderance of the law-abiding citizens had then and there to be 
decided. They knew the character of Slade, and they were well aware 
that they must submit to his rule without murmur, or else that he must 
be dealt with in such fashion as would prevent his being able to 
wreak his vengeance on the committee, who could never have hoped to 
live in the Territory secure from outrage or death, and who could never 
leave it without encountering his friends, whom his victory would have 
emboldened and stimulated to a pitch that would have rendered them 
reckless of consequences. The day previous he had ridden into Dor- 
ris's store, and, on being requested to leave, he drew his revolver and 
threatened to kill the gentleman who spoke to him. Another saloon 



Roughing It gS 

he had led his horse into, and, buying a bottle of wine, he tried to make 
the animal drink it. This was not considered an uncommon perform- 
ance, as he had often entered saloons and commenced firing at the 
lamps, causing a wild stampede. 

A leading member of the committee met Slade, and informed him 
in the quiet, earnest manner of one who feels the importance of what 
he is saying: "Slade, get your horse at once, and go home, or there 

will be to pay." Slade started and took a long look, with his 

dark and piercing eyes, at the gentleman. "What do you mean?" 
said he. " You have no right to ask what I mean," was the quiet re- 
ply, " get your horse at once, and remember what I tell you." After 
a short pause he promised to do so, and actually got into the saddle; 
but, being still intoxicated, he began calling aloud to one after another 
of his friends, and at last seemed to have forgotten the warning he had 
received and became again uproarious, shouting the name of a well- 
known courtezan in company with those of two men whom he consid- 
ered heads of the committee, as a sort of challenge ; perhaps, however, 
as a simple act of bravado. It seems probable that the intimation of 
personal danger he had received had not been forgotten entirely; 
though, fatally for him, he took a foolish way of showing his remem- 
brance of it. He sought out Alexander Davis, the Judge of the Court, 
and, drawing a cocked Derringer, he presented it at his head, and told 
him that he should hold him as a hostage for his own safety. As the 
judge stood perfectly quiet, and offered no resistance to his captor, no 
farther outrage followed on this score. Previous to this, on account of 
the critical state of affairs, the committee had met, and at last resolved 
to arrest him. His execution had not been agreed upon, and, at that 
time, would have been negatived, most assuredly. A messenger rode 
down to Nevada to inform the leading men of what was on hand, as it 
was desirable to show that there was a feeling of unanimity on the sub- 
ject, all along the gulch. 

The miners turned out almost en masse, leaving their work and 
forming in solid column, about six hundred strong, armed to the teeth, 
they marched up to Virginia. The leader of the body well knew the 
temper of his men on the subject. He spurred on ahead of them, and, 
hastily calling a meeting of the executive, he told them plainly that the 
miners meant " business," and that, if they came up, they would not 
stand in the street to be shot down by Slade 's friends ; but that the/ 
would take him and hang him. The meeting was small, as the Virginia 



96 Roughing It 

men were loath to act at all. This momentous announcement of the 
feeling of the Lower Town was made to a cluster of men, who were de- 
liberating behind a wagon, at the rear of a store on Main street. 

The committee were most unwilling to proceed to extremities. All 
the duty they had ever performed seemed as nothing to the task before 
them; but they had to decide, and that quickly. It was finally agreed 
that if the whole body of the miners were of the opinion that he should 
be hanged, that the committee left it in their hands to deal with him. 
Off, at hot speed, rode the leader of the Nevada men to join his com- 
mand. 

Slade had found out what was intended, and the news sobered him 
instantly. He went into P. S. Pfouts' store, where Davis was, and 
apologized for his conduct, saying that he would take it all back. 

The head of the column now wheeled into Wallace street and marched 
up at quick time. Halting in front of the store, the executive officer of 
the committee stepped forward and arrested Slade, who was at once in- 
formed of his doom, and inquiry was made as to whether he had any 
business to settle. Several parties spoke to him on the subject; but to 
all such inquiries he turned a deaf ear, being entirely absorbed in the 
terrifying reflections on his own awful position. He never ceased his 
entreaties for life, and to see his dear wife. The unfortunate lady re- 
ferred to, between whom and Slade there existed a warm affection, was 
at this time living at their ranch on the Madison. She was possessed of 
considerable personal attractions; tall, well-formed, of graceful car- 
riage, pleasing manners, and was, withal, an accomplished horsewoman. 

A messenger from Slade rode at full speed to inform her of her hus- 
band's arrest. In an instant she was in the saddle, and with all the 
energy that love and despair could lend to an ardent temperament and 
a strong physique, she urged her fleet charger over the twelve miles of 
rough and rocky ground that intervened between her and the object of 
her passionate devotion. 

Meanwhile, a party of volunteers had made the necessary prepara- 
tions for the execution, in the valley traversed by the branch. Beneath 
the site of Pfouts and Russell's stone building there was a corral, the 
gate-posts of which were strong and high. Across the top was laid a 
beam, to which the rope was fastened, and a dry-goods box served for 
the platform. To this place Slade was marched, surrounded by a guard, 
composing the best armed and most numerous force that has ever ap- 
, peared in Montana Territory. 



Roughing It 97 

The doomed man had so exhausted himself by tears, prayers, and 
lamentations, that he had scarcely strength left to stand under the fatal 
beam. He repeatedly exclaimed, "My God! my God! must I die? 
Oh, my dear wife ! " 

On the return of the fatigue party, they encountered some friends of 
Slade, staunch and reliable citizens and members of the committee, but 
who were personally attached to the condemned. On hearing of his 
sentence, one of them, a stout-hearted man, pulled out his handkerchief 
and walked away, weeping like a child. Slade still begged to see his 
wife, most piteously, and it seemed hard to deny his request ; but the 
bloody consequences that were sure to follow the inevitable attempt at a 
rescue, that her presence and entreaties would have certainly incited, 
forbade the granting of his request. Several gentlemen were sent for to 
see him, in his last moments, one of whom (Judge Davis) made a short 
address to the people; but in such low tones as to be inaudible, save to a 
few in his immediate vicinity. One of his friends, after exhausting his 
powers of entreaty, threw off his coat and declared that the prisoner 
could not be hanged until he himself was killed. A hundred guns were 
instantly leveled at him; whereupon he turned and fled ; but, being 
brought back, he was compelled to resume his coat, and to give a 
promise of future peaceable demeanor. 

Scarcely a leading man in Virginia could be found, though numbers 
of the citizens joined the ranks of the guard when the arrest was made. 
All lamented the stern necessity which dictated the execution. 

Everything being ready, the command was given, " Men, do your 
duty," and the box being instantly slipped from beneath his feet, he 
died almost instantaneously. 

The body was cut down and carried to the Virginia Hotel, where, in 
a darkened room, it was scarcely laid out, when the unfortunate and 
bereaved companion of the deceased arrived, at headlong speed, to find 
that all was over, and that she was a widow. Her grief and heart- 
piercing cries were terrible evidences of the depth of her attachment for 
her lost husband, and a considerable period elapsed before she could 
regain the command of her excited feelings. 

There is something about the desperado-nature 
that is wholly unaccountable — at least it looks unac- 
countable. It is this. The true desperado is gifted 
with splendid courage, and yet he will take the most 
7* 



98 Roughing It 

infamous advantage of his enemy; armed and free, 
he will stand up before a host and fight until he is 
shot all to pieces, and yet when he is under the gal- 
lows and helpless he will cry and plead like a child. 
Words are cheap, and it is easy to call Slade a 
coward (all executed men who do not " die game " 
are promptly called cowards by unreflecting people) , 
and when we read of Slade that he " had so ex- 
hausted himself by tears, prayers, and lamentations, 
that he had scarcely strength left to stand under the 
fatal beam," the disgraceful word suggests itself in 
a moment — yet in frequently defying and inviting the 
vengeance of banded Rocky Mountain cut-throats by 
shooting down their comrades and leaders, and never 
offering to hide or fly, Slade showed that he was a 
man of peerless bravery. No coward would dare 
that. Many a notorious coward, many a chicken- 
livered poltroon, coarse, brutal, degraded, has made 
his dying speech without a quaver in his voice and 
been swung into eternity with what looked like the 
calmest fortitude, and so we are justified in believing, 
from the low intellect of such a creature, that it 
was not moral courage that enabled him to do it. 
Then, if moral courage is not the requisite quality, 
what could it have been that this stout-hearted Slade 
lacked? — this bloody, desperate, kindly-mannered, 
urbane gentleman, who never hesitated to warn his 
most ruffianly enemies that he would kill them when- 
ever or wherever he came across them next ! I think 
it is a conundrum worth investigating. 



CHAPTER XII. 

JUST beyond the breakfast-station we overtook a 
Mormon emigrant train of thirty-three wagons ; 
and tramping wearily along and driving their herd 
of loose cows, were dozens of coarse-clad and sad- 
looking men, women, and children, who had walked 
as they were walking now, day after day for eight 
lingering weeks, and in that time had compassed the 
distance our stage had come in eight days and three 
hours — seven hundred and ninety-eight miles! 
They were dusty and uncombed, hatless, bonnetless, 
and ragged, and they did look so tired ! 

After breakfast, we bathed in Horse Creek, a 
(previously) limpid, sparkling stream — -an appre- 
ciated luxury, for it was very seldom that our furi- 
ous coach halted long enough for an indulgence of 
that kind. We changed horses ten or twelve times in 
every twenty-four hours — changed mules, rather — 
six mules — and did it nearly every time in four min- 
utes. It was lively work. As our coach rattled up 
to each station six harnessed mules stepped gaily 
from the stable; and in the twinkling of an eye, 
almost, the old team was out and the new one in and 
we off and away again. 

Q* (Q9> 



100 Roughing It 

During the afternoon we passed Sweetwater 
Creek, Independence Rock, Devil's Gate, and the 
Devil's Gap. The latter were wild specimens of 
rugged scenery, and full of interest — we were in the 
heart of the Rocky Mountains , now. And we also 
passed by "Alkali " or 4< Soda Lake," and we woke 
up to the fact that our journey had stretched a long 
way across the world when the driver said that the 
Mormons often came there from Great Salt Lake 
City to haul away saleratus. He said that a few 
days gone by they had shoveled up enough pure 
saleratus from the ground (it was a dry lake) to 
load two wagons, and that when they got these two 
wagon-loads of a drug that cost them nothing, to 
Salt Lake, they could sell it for twenty-five cents a 
pound. 

In the night we sailed by a most notable curiosity, 
and one we had been hearing a good deal about for 
a day or two, and were suffering to see. This was 
what might be called a natural ice-house. It was 
August, now, and sweltering weather in the daytime, 
yet at one of the stations the men could scrape the 
soil on the hillside under the lee of a range of boul- 
ders, and at a depth of six inches cut out pure blocks 
of ice — hard, compactly frozen, and clear as crystal ! 

Toward dawn we got under way again, and pres- 
ently, as we sat with raised curtains enjoying our early- 
morning smoke and contemplating the first splendor 
of the rising sun as it swept down the long array of 
mountain peaks, flushing and gilding crag after crag 



Roughing It 101 

and summit after summit, as if the invisible Creator 
reviewed his gray veterans and they saluted with a 
smile, we hove in sight of South Pass City. The 
hotel-keeper, the postmaster, the blacksmith, the 
mayor, the constable, the city marshal, and the prin- 
cipal citizen and property-holder, all came out and 
greeted us cheerily, and we gave him good day. He 
gave us a little Indian news, and a little Rocky Moun- 
tain news, and we gave him some Plains information 
in return. He then retired to his lonely grandeur 
and we climbed on up among the bristling peaks and 
the ragged clouds. South Pass City consisted of 
four log cabins, one of which was unfinished, and the 
gentleman with all those offices and titles was the 
chiefest of the ten citizens of the place. Think of 
hotel-keeper, postmaster, blacksmith, mayor, consta- 
ble, city marshal and principal citizen all condensed 
into one person and crammed into cne skin. Bemis 
said he was " a perfect Allen's revolver of dignities." 
And he said that if he were to die as postmaster, 
or as blacksmith, or as postmaster and blacksmith 
both, the people might stand it; but if he were to 
die all over, it would be a frightful loss to the com- 
munity. 

Two miles beyond South Pass City we saw for 
the first time that mysterious marvel which all West- 
ern untraveled boys have heard of and fully believe 
in, but are sure to be astounded at when they see it 
with their own eyes, nevertheless — banks of snow in 
dead summer time. We were now far up toward the 



102 Roughing It 

sky, and knew all the time that we must presently 
encounter lofty summits clad in the " eternal snow" 
which was so commonplace a matter of mention in 
books, and yet when I did see it glittering in the sun 
on stately domes in the distance and knew the 
month was August and that my coat was hanging up 
because it was too warm to wear it, I was full as 
much amazed as if I never had heard of snow in 
August before. Truly, "seeing is believing" — 
and many a man lives a long life through, thinking 
he believes certain universally received and well 
established things, and yet never suspects that if he 
were confronted by those things once, he would dis- 
cover that he did not really believe them before, but 
only thought he believed them. 

In a little while quite a number of peaks swung 
into view with long claws of glittering snow clasping 
them; and with here and there, in the shade, down 
the mountain side, a little solitary patch of snow look- 
ing no larger than a lady's pocket-handkerchief but 
being in reality as large as a " public square." 

And now, at last, we were fairly in the renowned 
SOUTH Pass, and whirling gaily along high above 
the common world. We were perched upon the ex- 
treme summit of the great range of the Rocky Moun- 
tains, toward which we had been climbing, patiently 
climbing, ceaselessly climbing, for days and nights 
together — -and about us was gathered a convention 
of Nature's kings that stood ten, twelve, and even 
thirteen thousand feet high — grand old fellows who 



Roughing It 103 

would have to stoop to see Mount Washington, in 
the twilight. We were in such an airy elevation 
above the creeping populations of the earth, that 
now and then when the obstructing crags stood out 
of the way it seemed that we could look around and 
abroad and contemplate the whole great globe, with 
its dissolving views of mountains, seas, and continents 
stretching away through the mystery of the summer 
haze. 

As a general thing the Pass was more suggestive 
of a valley than a suspension bridge in the clouds — 
but it strongly suggested the latter at one spot. At 
that place the upper third of one or two majestic pur- 
ple domes projected above our level on either hand 
and gave us a sense of a hidden great deep of moun- 
tains and plains and valleys down about their bases 
which we fancied we might see if we could step to 
the edge and look over. These Sultans of the fast- 
nesses were turbaned with tumbled volumes of cloud, 
which shredded away from time to time and drifted 
off fringed and torn, trailing their continents of 
shadow after them; and catching presently on an 
intercepting peak, wrapped it about and brooded 
there — then shredded away again and left the 
purple peak, as they had left the purple domes, 
downy and white with new-laid snow. In passing, 
these monstrous rags of cloud hung low and swept 
along right over the spectator's head, swinging their 
tatters so nearly in his face that his impulse was to 
shrink when they came closest. In the one place I 



104 Roughing It 

speak of, one could look below him upon a Vorld 
of diminishing crags and canyons leading down, 
down, and away to a vague plain with a thread in it 
which was a road, and bunches of feathers in it which 
were trees, — a pretty picture sleeping in the sun- 
light — but with a darkness stealing over it and 
glooming its features deeper and deeper under the 
frown of a coming storm; and then, while no film or 
shadow marred the noon brightness of his high 
perch, he could watch the tempest break forth down 
there and see the lightnings leap from crag to crag 
and the sheeted rain drive along the canyon-sides, 
and hear the thunders peal and crash and roar. We 
had this spectacle ; a familar one to many, but to 
us a novelty. 

We bowled along cheerily, and presently, at the 
very summit (though it had been all summit to us, 
and all equally level, for half an hour or more), we 
came to a spring which spent its water through two 
outlets and sent it in opposite directions. The con- 
ductor said that one of those streams which we were 
looking at was just starting on a journey westward 
to the Gulf of California and the Pacific Ocean, 
through hundreds and even thousands of miles of 
desert solitudes. He said that the other was just 
leaving its home among the snow-peaks on a similar 
journey eastward — and we knew that long after we 
should have forgotten the simple rivulet it would still 
be plodding its patient way down the mountain sides, 
and canyon-beds, and between the banks of the Yel- 



Roughing It 105 

lowstone ; and by and by would join the broad Mis- 
souri and flow through unknown plains and desert? 
and unvisited wildernesses ; and add a long and trou- 
bled pilgrimage among snags and wrecks and sand- 
bars; and enter the Mississippi, touch the wharve? 
of St. Louis, and still drift on, traversing shoals and 
rocky channels, then endless chains of bottomless 
and ample bends, walled with unbroken forests, then 
mysterious byways and secret passages among 
woody islands, then the chained bends again, bor- 
dered with wide levels of shining sugar-cane in place 
of the sombre forests ; then by New Orleans and still 
other chains of bends — -and finally, after two long 
months of daily and nightly harassment, excitement, 
enjoyment, adventure, and awful peril of parched 
throats, pumps and evaporation, pass the Gulf and 
enter into its rest upon the bosom of the tropic sea, 
never to look upon its snow-peaks again or regret 
them. 

I freighted a leaf with a mental message for the 
friends at home, and dropped it in the stream. But 
I put no stamp on it and it was held for postage 
somewhere. 

On the summit we overtook an emigrant train of 
many wagons, many tired men and women, and many 
a disgusted sheep and cow. In the wofully dusty 
horseman in charge of the expedition I recognized 

John . Of all persons in the world to meet on 

top of the Rocky Mountains thousands of miles from 
home, he was the last one I should have looked for. 



106 Roughing It 

We were school-boys together and warm friends for 
years. But a boyish prank of mine had disrup- 
tured this friendship, and it had never been renewed. 
The act of which I speak was this. I had been 
accustomed to visit occasionally an editor whose 
room was in the third story of a building and over- 
looked the street. One day this editor gave me a 
watermelon which I made preparations to devour on 
the spot, but chancing to look out of the window, I 
saw John standing directly under it and an irresistible 
desire came upon me to drop the melon on his head, 
which I immediately did. I was the loser, for it 
spoiled the melon, and John never forgave me, and 
we dropped all intercourse and parted, but now met 
again under these circumstances. 

We recognized each other simultaneously, and 
hands were grasped as warmly as if no coldness had 
ever existed between us, and no allusion was made 
to any. All animosities were buried, and the simple 
fact of meeting a familiar face in that isolated spot 
so far from home was sufficient to make us forget all 
things but pleasant ones, and we parted again with 
sincere " good-byes " and " God bless you " from 
both. 

We had been climbing up the long shoulders of 
the Rocky Mountains for many tedious hours — we 
started down them, now. And we went spinning 
away at a round rate, too. 

We left the snowy Wind River Mountains and the 
Uinta Mountains behind, and sped away, always 



Roughing It 107 

through splendid scenery, but occasionally through 
long ranks of white skeletons of mules and oxen — 
monuments of the huge emigration of other days — 
and here and there were up-ended boards or small 
piles of stones which the driver said marked the rest- 
ing-place of more precious remains. It was the 
loneliest land for a grave ! A land given over to the 
cayote and the raven — which is but another name 
for desolation and utter solitude. On damp, murky 
nights, these scattered skeletons gave forth a soft, 
hideous glow, like very faint spots of moonlight 
starring the vague desert. It was because of the 
phosphorus in the bones. But no scientific explana- 
tion could keep a body from shivering when he 
drifted by one of those ghostly lights and knew 
that a skull held it. 

At midnight it began to rain, and I never saw any- 
thing like it — indeed, I did not even see this, for it 
was too dark. We fastened down the curtains and 
even caulked them with clothing, but the rain 
streamed in in twenty places, notwithstanding. 
There was no escape. If one moved his feet out of 
a stream, he brought his body under one; and if he 
moved his body he caught one somewhere else. If 
he struggled out of the drenched blankets and sat 
up, he was bound to get one down the back of his 
neck. Meantime the stage was wandering about a 
plain with gaping gullies in it, for the driver could 
not see an inch before his face nor keep the road, 
and the storm pelted so pitilessly that there was no 



108 Roughing It 

keeping the horses still. With the first abatement 
the conductor turned out with lanterns to look for 
the road, and the first dash he made was into a 
chasm about fourteen feet deep, his lantern follow- 
ing like a meteor. As soon as he touched bottom 
he sang out frantically : 

" Don't come here !" 

To which the driver, who was looking over the 
precipice where he had disappeared, replied, with 
an injured air: " Think I'm a dam fool?" 

The conductor was more than an hour finding the 
road — a matter which showed us how far we had 
wandered and what chances we had been taking. 
He traced our wheel-tracks to the imminent verge of 
danger, in two places. I have always been glad 
that we were not killed that night. I do not know 
any particular reason, but I have always been glad. 

In the morning, the tenth day out, we crossed 
Green River, a fine, large, limpid stream- — stuck in 
it, with the water just up to the top of our mail-bed, 
and waited till extra teams were put on to haul us 
up the steep bank. But it was nice cool water, and 
besides it could not find any fresh place on us to wet. 

At the Green River station we had breakfast — 
hot biscuits, fresh antelope steaks, and coffee — the 
only decent meal we tasted between the United 
States and Great Salt Lake City, and the only one 
we were ever really thankful for. Think of the 
monotonous execrableness of the thirty that went be- 
fore it, to leave this one simple breakfast looming up 



Roughing It 109 

in my memory like a shot-tower after all these years 
have gone by ! 

At live P.M. we reached Fort Bridger, one hun- 
dred and seventeen miles from the South Pass, and 
one thousand and twenty-five miles from St. Joseph. 
Fifty-two miles further on, near the head of Echo 
Canyon, we met sixty United States soldiers from 
Camp Floyd. The day before, they had fired upon 
three hundred or four hundred Indians, whom they 
supposed gathered together for no good purpose. 
In the fight that had ensued, four Indians were cap- 
tured, and the main body chased four miles, but 
nobody killed. This looked like business. We had 
a notion to get out and join the sixty soldiers, but 
upon reflecting that there were four hundred of the 
Indians, we concluded to go on and join the Indians. 

Echo Canyon is twenty miles long. It was like a 
long, smooth, narrow street, with a gradual descend- 
ing grade, and shut in by enormous perpendicular 
walls of coarse conglomerate, four hundred feet high 
in many places, and turreted like mediaeval castles. 
This was the most faultless piece of road in the 
mountains, and the driver said he would " let his 
team out." He did, and if the Pacific express trains 
whiz through there now any faster than we did then 
in the stage-coach, I envy the passengers the exhilara- 
tion of it. We fairly seemed to pick up our wheels 
and fly — and the mail matter was lifted up free from 
everything and held in solution ! I am not given to 
exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it. 



110 Roughing It 

However, time presses. At four in the afternoon 
we arrived on the summit of Big Mountain, fifteen 
miles from Salt Lake City, when all the world was 
glorified with the setting sun, and the most stupend- 
ous panorama of mountain peaks yet encountered 
burst on our sight. We looked out upon this sub- 
lime spectacle from under the arch of a brilliant rain- 
bow ! Even the Overland stage-driver stopped his 
horses and gazed ! 

Half an hour or an hour later, we changed horses, 
and took supper with a Mormon " Destroying 
Angel." " Destroying Angels," as I understand 
it, are Latter-Day Saints who are set apart by the 
Church to conduct permanent disappearances of ob- 
noxious citizens. I had heard a deal about these 
Mormon Destroying Angels and the dark and bloody 
deeds they had done, and when I entered this one's 
house I had my shudder all ready. But alas for all 
our romances, he was nothing but a loud, profane, 
offensive, old blackguard ! He was murderous 
enough, possibly, to fill the bill of a Destroyer, but 
would you have any kind of an Angel devoid of dig- 
nity? Could you abide an Angel in an unclean shirt 
and no suspenders? Could you respect an Angel 
with a horse-laugh and a swagger like a buccaneer? 

There were other blackguards present — com- 
rades of this one. And there was one person that 
looked like a gentleman — Heber C. Kimball's son, 
tall and well made, and thirty years old, perhaps. 
A lot of slatternly women flitted hither and thither in 



Roughing It 111 

a hurry, with coffee-pots, plates of bread, and other 
appurtenances to supper, and these were said to be 
the wives of the Angel — or some of them at least. 
And of course they were; for if they had been 
hired ' ' help ' ' they would not have let an angel from 
above storm and swear at them as he did, let alone 
one from the place this one hailed from. 

This was our first experience of the Western " pe- 
culiar institution," and it was not very prepossessing. 
We did not tarry long to observe it, but hurried on 
to the home of the Latter-Day Saints, the stronghold 
of the prophets, the capital of the only absolute mon- 
archy in America — Great Salt Lake City. As the 
night closed in we took sanctuary in the Salt Lake 
House and unpacked our baggage. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

W /E had a fine supper, of the freshest meats and 
VV fowls and vegetables — a great variety and as 
great abundance. We walked about the streets 
some, afterward, and glanced in at shops and stores; 
and there was fascination in surreptitiously staring 
at every creature we took to be a Mormon. This 
was fairy-land to us, to all intents and purposes — a 
land of enchantment, and goblins, and awful mys- 
tery. We felt a curiosity to ask every child how 
many mothers it had, and if it could tell them apart; 
and we experienced a thrill every time a dwelling- 
house door opened and shut as we passed, disclosing 
a glimpse of human heads and backs and shoulders 
— for we so longed to have a good satisfying look at 
a Mormon family in all its comprehensive ample- 
ness, disposed in the customary concentric rings of 
its home circle. 

By and by the Acting Governor of the Territory 
introduced us to other " Gentiles,' ' and we spent a 
sociable hour with them. " Gentiles " are people 
who are not Mormons. Our fellow-passenger, 
Bemis, took care of himself, during this part of the 

(112) 



Roughing It 113 

evening, and did not make an overpowering success 
of it, either, for he came into our room in the hotel 
about eleven o'clock, full of cheerfulness, and talking 
loosely, disjointedly, and indiscriminately, and every 
now and then tugging out a ragged word by the 
roots that had more hiccups than syllables in it. 
This, together with his hanging his coat on the floor 
on one side of a chair, and his vest on the floor on 
the other side, and piling his pants on the floor just 
in front of the same chair, and then contemplating 
the general result with superstitious awe, and finally 
pronouncing it " too many for him " and going to 
bed with his boots on, led us to fear that something 
he had eaten had not agreed with him. 

But we knew afterward that it was something he 
had been drinking. It was the exclusively Mormon 
refresher, " valley tan." Valley tan (or, at least, 
one form of valley tan) is a kind of whisky, or first 
cousin to it; is of Mormon invention and manufac- 
tured only in Utah. Tradition says it is made of 
(imported) fire and brimstone. If I remember 
rightly, no public drinking saloons were allowed in 
the kingdom by Brigham Young, and no private 
drinking permitted among the faithful, except they 
confined themselves to ;< valley tan." 

Next day we strolled about everywhere through 
the broad, straight, level streets, and enjoyed the 
pleasant strangeness of a city of fifteen thousand in- 
habitants with no loafers perceptible in it; and no 
visible drunkards or noisy people ; a limpid stream 
8. 



114 Roughing It 

rippling and dancing through every street in place of 
a filthy gutter; block after block of trim dwellings, 
built of " frame " and sunburned brick — a great 
thriving orchard and garden behind every one of 
them, apparently — branches from the street stream 
winding and sparkling among the garden beds and 
fruit trees — and a grand general air of neatness, re- 
pair, thrift, and comfort, around and about and over 
the whole. And everywhere were workshops, fac- 
tories, and all manner of industries ; and intent faces 
and busy hands were to be seen wherever one 
looked; and in one's ears was the ceaseless clink of 
hammers, the buzz of trade and the contented hum 
of drums and fly-wheels. 

The armorial crest of my own State consisted of 
two dissolute bears holding up the head of a dead 
and gone cask between them and making the pertinent 
remark, " United, We Stand — (>*» — Divided, 
We Fall." It was always too figurative for the 
author of this book. But the Mormon crest was 
easy. And it was simple, unostentatious, and fitted 
like a glove. It was a representation of a GOLDEN 
Beehive, with the bees all at work ! 

The city lies in the edge of a level plain as broad 
as the State of Connecticut, and crouches close down 
to the ground under a curving wall of mighty moun- 
tains whose heads are hidden in the clouds, and 
whose shoulders bear relics of the snows of winter 
all the summer long. Seen from one of these dizzy 
heights, twelve or fifteen miles off, Great Salt Lake 



Roughing It 115 

City is toned down and diminished till it is suggest- 
ive of a child's toy- village reposing under the majes- 
tic protection of the Chinese wall. 

On some of these mountains, to the southwest, 
it had been raining every day for two weeks, but not 
a drop had fallen in the city. And on hot days in 
late spring and early autumn the citizens could quit 
fanning and growling and go out and cool off by 
looking at the luxury of a glorious snow-storm 
going on in the mountains. They could enjoy it 
at a distance, at those seasons, every day, though 
no snow would fall in their streets, or anywhere near 
them. 

Salt Lake City was healthy — an extremely healthy 
city. They declared that there was only one physi- 
cian in the place and he was arrested every week reg- 
ularly and held to answer under the vagrant act for 
having " no visible means of support." They 
always give you a good substantial article of truth in 
Salt Lake, and good measure and good weight, too. 
Very often, if you wished to weigh one of their airiest 
little commonplace statements you would want the 
hay scales. 

We desired to visit the famous inland sea, the 
American " Dead Sea," the great Salt Lake — sev- 
enteen miles, horseback, from the city — for we had 
dreamed about it, and thought about it, and talked 
about it, and yearned to see it, all the first part of 
our trip; but now when it was only arm's length 
away it had suddenly lost nearly every bit of its in- 



116 Roughing It 

terest. And so we put it off, in a sort of general 
way, till next day — and that was the last we ever 
thought of it. We dined with some hospitable Gen- 
tiles; and visited the foundation of the prodigious 
temple ; and talked long with that shrewd Connecti- 
cut Yankee, Heber C. Kimball (since deceased), a 
saint of high degree and a mighty man of commerce. 
We saw the " Tithing-House," and the "Lion 
House," and I do not know or remember how many 
more church and government buildings of various 
kinds and curious names. We flitted hither and 
thither and enjoyed every hour, and picked up a 
great deal of useful information and entertaining 
nonsense, and went to bed at night satisfied. 

The second day, we made the acquaintance of Mr. 
Street (since deceased) and put on white shirts and 
went and paid a state visit to the king. He seemed 
a quiet, kindly, easy-mannered, dignified, self-pos- 
sessed old gentleman of fifty-five or sixty, and had a 
gentle craft in his eye that probably belonged there. 
He was very simply dressed and was just taking off 
a straw hat as we entered. He talked about Utah, 
and the Indians, and Nevada, and general American 
matters and questions, with our secretary and cer- 
tain government officials who came with us. But he 
never paid any attention to me, notwithstanding I 
made several attempts to ' ' draw him out ' ' on fed- 
eral politics and his high-handed attitude toward 
Congress. I thought some of the things I said 
were rather fine. But he merely looked around at 



Roughing It 117 

me, at distant intervals, something as I have seen a 
benignant old cat look around to see which kitten 
was meddling with her tail. By and by I subsided 
into an indignant silence, and so sat until the end, 
hot and flushed, and execrating him in my heart for 
an ignorant savage. But he was calm. His con- 
versation with those gentlemen flowed on as sweetly 
and peacefully and musically as any summer brook. 
When the audience was ended and we were retiring 
from the presence, he put his hand on my head, 
beamed down on me in an admiring way and said to 
my brother : 

"Ah — your child, I presume? Boy or girl? " 



CHAPTER XIV. 

MR. STREET was very busy with his telegraphic 
matters — and considering that he had eight or 
nine hundred miles of rugged, snowy, uninhabited 
mountains, and waterless, treeless, melancholy deserts 
to traverse with his wire, it was natural and needful 
that he should be as busy as possible. He could 
not go comfortably along and cut his poles by the 
roadside, either, but they had to be hauled by ox 
teams across those exhausting deserts — and it was 
two days' journey from water to water, in one or 
two of them. Mr. Street's contract was a vast work, 
every way one looked at it ; and yet to comprehend 
what the vague words " eight hundred miles of rug- 
ged mountains and dismal deserts " mean, one must 
go over the ground in person — pen-and-ink descrip- 
tions cannot convey the dreary reality to the reader. 
And after all, Mr. S.'s mightiest difficulty turned 
out to be one which he had never taken into the 
account at all. Unto Mormons he had sub-let the 
hardest and heaviest half of his great undertaking, 
and all of a sudden they concluded that they were 
going to make little or nothing, and so they tran- 



Roughing It 119 

quilly threw their poles overboard in mountain or 
desert, just as it happened when they took the 
notion, and drove home and went about their cus- 
tomary business ! They were under written contract 
to Mr. Street, but they did not care anything for 
that. They said they would " admire" to see a 
"Gentile" force a Mormon to fulfil a losing con- 
tract in Utah ! And they made themselves very 
merry over the matter. Street said — for it was he 
that told us these things : 

"I was in dismay. I was under heavy bonds to 
complete my contract in a given time, and this dis- 
aster looked very much like ruin. It was an astound- 
ing thing; it was such a wholly unlooked-for diffi- 
culty, that I was entirely nonplussed. I am a busi- 
ness man — have always been a business man — do 
not know anything but business — and so you can 
imagine how like being struck by lightning it was to 
find myself in a country where written contracts 
were worthless! — that main security, that sheet- 
anchor, that absolute necessity, of business. My 
confidence left me. There was no use in making 
new contracts — that was plain. I talked with first 
one prominent citizen and then another. They all 
sympathized with me, first rate, but they did not 
know how to help me. But at last a Gentile said, 
4 Go to Brigham Young ! — these small fry cannot 
do you any good.' I did not think much of the 
idea, for if the law could not help me, what could 
an individual do who had not even anything to do 



120 Roughing; It 

with either making the laws or executing them? He 
might be a very good patriarch of a church and 
preacher in its tabernacle, but something sterner 
than religion and moral suasion was needed to handle 
a hundred refractory, half-civilized sub-contractors. 
But what was a man to do? I thought if Mr. Young 
could not do anything else, he might probably be 
able to give me some advice and a valuable hint or 
two, and so I went straight to him and laid the 
whole case before him. He said very little, but he 
showed strong interest all the way through. He ex- 
amined all the papers in detail, and whenever there 
seemed anything like a hitch, either in the papers 
or in my statement, he would go back and take up 
the thread and follow it patiently out to an intelli- 
gent and satisfactory result. Then he made a list of 
the contractors' names. Finally he said: 

" ' Mr. Street, this is all perfectly plain. These 
contracts are strictly and legally drawn, and are 
duly signed and certified. These men manifestly 
entered into them with their eyes open. I see no 
fault or flaw anywhere.' 

11 Then Mr. Young turned to a man waiting at the 
other end of the room and said : * Take this list of 
names to So-and-so, and tell him to have these men 
here at such-and-such an hour.' 

" They were there, to the minute. So was I. Mr. 
Young asked them a number of questions, and their 
answers made my statement good. Then he said to 
them: 



Roughing It 121 

" 'You signed these contracts and assumed these 
obligations of your own free will and accord ? 

"'Yes. 1 

M ' Then carry them out to the letter, if it makes 
paupers of you ! Go !' 

"And they did go, too ! They are strung across 
the deserts now, working like bees. And I never 
hear a word out of them. There is a batch of gov- 
ernors, and judges, and other officials here, shipped 
from Washington, and they maintain the semblance 
of a republican form of government — but the petri- 
fied truth is that Utah is an absolute monarchy and 
Brigham Young is king ! ' ' 

Mr. Street was a fine man, and I believe his story. 
I knew him well during several years afterward in 
San Francisco. 

Our stay in Salt Lake City amounted to only two 
days, and therefore we had no time to make the 
customary inquisition into the workings of polygamy 
and get up the usual statistics and deductions pre- 
paratory to calling the attention of the nation at 
large once more to the matter. I had the will to do 
it. With the gushing self-sufficiency of youth I 
was feverish to plunge in headlong and achieve a 
great reform here — until I saw the Mormon women. 
Then I was touched. My heart was wiser than my 
head. It warmed toward these poor, ungainly, and 
pathetically " homely " creatures, and as I turned 
to hide the generous moisture in my eyes, I said, 
"No — the man that marries one of them has done 



122 Roughing It 

an act of Christian charity which entitles him to the 
kindly applause of mankind, not their harsh cen- 
sure — and the man that marries sixty of them has 
done a deed of open-handed generosity so sublime 
that the nations should stand uncovered in his pres- 
ence and worship in silence."* 



* For a brief sketch of Mormon history, and the noted Mountain 
Meadow massacre, see Appendices A and B. 



CHAPTER XV. 

IT is a luscious country for thrilling evening stories 
about assassinations of intractable Gentiles. I 
cannot easily conceive of anything more cosy than 
the night in Salt Lake which we spent in a Gentile 
den, smoking pipes and listening to tales of how 
Burton galloped in among the pleading and defense- 
less '" Morisites " and shot them down, men and 
women, like so many dogs. And how Bill Hickman, 
a Destroying Angel, shot Drown and Arnold dead for 
bringing suit against him for a debt. And how Por- 
ter Rockwell did this and that dreadful thing. And 
how heedless people often come to Utah and make 
remarks about Brigham, or polygamy, or some other 
sacred matter, and the very next morning at day- 
light such parties are sure to be found lying up some 
back alley, contentedly waiting for the hearse. And 
the next most interesting thing is to sit and listen 
to these Gentiles talk about polygamy ; and how some 
portly old frog of an elder, or a bishop, marries a 
girl — likes her, marries her sister — likes her, mar- 
ries another sister — likes her, takes another — likes 
her, marries her mother — likes her, marries her 

(123) 



124 Roughing It 

father, grandfather, great grandfather, and then 
comes back hungry and asks for more. And how 
the pert young thing of eleven will chance to be the 
favorite wife, and her own venerable grandmother 
have to rank away down toward D 4 in their mutual 
husband's esteem, and have to sleep in the kitchen, 
as like as not. And how this dreadful sort of thing, 
this hiving together in one foul nest of mother and 
daughters, and the making a young daughter su- 
perior to her own mother in rank and authority, are 
things which Mormon women submit to because 
their religion teaches them that the more wives a 
man has on earth, and the more children he rears, 
the higher the place they will all have in the world 
to come — and the warmer, maybe, though they do 
not seem to say anything about that. 

According to these Gentile friends of ours, Brig- 
ham Young's harem contains twenty or thirty wives. 
They said that some of them had grown old and 
gone out of active service, but were comfortably 
housed and cared for in the hennery — or the Lion 
House, as it is strangely named. Along with each 
wife were her children — fifty altogether. The house 
was perfectly quiet and orderly, when the children 
were still. They all took their meals in one room, 
and a happy and homelike sight it was pronounced 
to be. None of our party got an opportunity to 
take dinner with Mr. Young, but a Gentile by the 
name of Johnson professed to have enjoyed a socia- 
* ble breakfast in the Lion House. He gave a prepos- 



Roughing It 1 25 

terous account of the M calling of the roll," and other 
preliminaries, and the carnage that ensued when the 
buckwheat cakes came in. But he embellished rather 
too much. He said that Mr. Young told him sev- 
eral smart sayings of certain of his " two-year-olds," 
observing with some pride that for many years he 
had been the heaviest contributor in that line to one 
of the Eastern magazines ; and then he wanted to 
show Mr. Johnson one of the pets that had said 
the last good thing, but he could not find the child. 
He searched the faces of the children in detail, 
but could not decide which one it was. Finally, 
he gave it up with a sigh and said : " I thought 
I would know the little cub again, but I don't." 
Mr. Johnson said further, that Mr. Young observed 
that life was a sad, sad thing — " because the joy 
of every new marriage a man contracted was so 
apt to be blighted by the inopportune funeral of 
a less recent bride." And Mr. Johnson said that 
while he and Mr. Young were pleasantly conversing 
in private, one of the Mrs. Youngs came in and de- 
manded a breast-pin, remarking that she had found 
out that he had been giving a breast-pin to No. 6, 
and she, for one, did not propose to let this partial- 
ity go on without making a satisfactory amount of 
trouble about it. Mr. Young reminded her that 
there was a stranger present. Mrs. Young said that 
if the state of things inside the house was not agree- 
able to the stranger, he could find room outside. Mr. 
Young promised the breast-pin, and she went away. 



126 Roughing It 

But in a minute or two another Mrs. Young came 
in and demanded a breast-pin. Mr. Young began a 
remonstrance, but Mrs. Young cut him short. She 
said No. 6 had got one, and No. n was promised 
one, and it was " no use for him to try to impose on 
her — she hoped she knew her rights." He gave 
his promise, and she went. And presently three 
Mrs. Youngs entered in a body and opened on theii 
husband a tempest of tears, abuse, and entreaty. 
They had heard all about No. 6, No. n, and No. 
14. Three more breast-pins were promised. They 
were hardly gone when nine more Mrs. Youngs filed 
into the presence, and a new tempest burst forth and 
raged round about the prophet and his guest. Nine 
breast-pins were promised, and the weird sisters filed 
out again. And in came eleven more, weeping and 
wailing and gnashing their teeth. Eleven promised 
breast-pins purchased peace once more. 

44 That is a specimen," said Mr. Young. "You 
see how it is. You see what a life I lead. A man 
can't be wise all the time. In a heedless moment I 
gave my darling No. 6 — excuse my calling her thus, 
as her other name has escaped me for the moment 
— a breast-pin. It was only worth twenty-five dol- 
lars — that is, apparently that was its whole cost — 
but its ultimate cost was inevitably bound to be a 
good deal more. You yourself have seen it climb 
up to six hundred and fifty dollars — and alas, even 
that is not the end ! For I have wives all over this 
Territory of Utah. I have dozens of wives whose 



Roughing It 127 

numbers, even, I do not know without looking in the 
family Bible. They are scattered far and wide among 
the mountains and valleys of my realm. And, mark 
you, every solitary one of them will hear of this 
wretched breast-pin, and every last one of them will 
have one or die. No. 6's breast-pin will cost me 
twenty-five hundred dollars before I see the end of 
it. And these creatures will compare these pins to- 
gether, and if one is a shade finer than the rest, they 
will all be thrown on my hands, and I will have to 
order a new lot to keep peace in the family. Sir, 
you probably did not know it, but all the time you 
were present with my children your every movement 
was watched by vigilant servitors of mine. If you 
had offered to give a child a dime, or a stick of 
candy, or any trifle of the kind, you would have been 
snatched out of the house instantly, provided it could 
be done before your gift left your hand. Other- 
wise it would be absolutely necessary for you to make 
an exactly similar gift to all my children — and know- 
ing by experience the importance of the thing, I 
would have stood by and seen to it myself that you 
did it, and did it thoroughly. Once a gentleman 
gave one of my children a tin whistle — a veritable 
invention of Satan, sir, and one which I have an un- 
speakable horror of, and so would you if you had 
eighty or ninety children in your house. But the 
deed was done — the man escaped. I knew what the 
result was going to be, and I thirsted for vengeance. 
I ordered out a flock of Destroying Angels, and 



128 Roughing It 

they hunted the man far into the fastnesses of the 
Nevada mountains. But they never caught him. I 
am not cruel, sir — I am not vindictive except when 
sorely outraged — but if I had caught him, sir, so 
help me Joseph Smith, I would have locked him into 
the nursery till the brats whistled him to death. By 
the slaughtered body of St. Parley Pratt (whom God 
assoil!) there was never anything on this earth like 
it ! / knew who gave the whistle to the child, but I 
could not make those jealous mothers believe me. 
They believed / did it, and the result was just what 
any man of reflection could have foreseen : I had to 
order a hundred and ten whistles — I think we had a 
hundred and ten children in the house then, but 
some of them an; off at college now — I had to order 
a hundred and ten of those shrieking things, and I 
wish I may never speak another word if we didn't 
have to talk on our fingers entirely, from that time 
forth until the children got tired of the whistles. 
And if ever another man gives a whistle to a child 
of mine and I get my hands on him, I will hang him 
higher than Haman ! That is the word with the bark 
on it ! Shade of Nephi ! You don't know anything 
about married life. I am rich, and everybody knows 
it. I am benevolent, and everybody takes advantage 
of it. I have a strong fatherly instinct, and all the 
foundlings are foisted on me. Every time a woman 
wants to do well by her darling, she puzzles her brain 
to cipher out some scheme for getting it into my 
hands. Why, sir, a woman came here once with a 



Roughing It 129 

child of a curious lifeless sort of complexion (and so 
had the woman), and swore that the child was mine 
and she my wife — that I had married her at such- 
and-such a time in such-and-such a place, but she had 
forgotten her number, and of course I could not re- 
member her name. Well, sir, she called my attention 
to the fact that the child looked like me, and really 
it did seem to resemble me — a common thing in the 
Territory — and, to cut the story short, I put it in my 
nursery, and she left. And, by the ghost of Orson 
Hyde, when they came to wash the paint off that child 
it was an Injun ! Bless my soul, you don't know 
anything about married life. It is a perfect dog's 
life, sir — a perfect dog's life. You can't econo- 
mize. It isn't possible. I have tried keeping one 
set of bridal attire for all occasions. But it is of no 
use. First you'll marry a combination of calico and 
consumption that's as thin as a rail, and next you'll 
get a creature that's nothing more than the dropsy in 
disguise, and then you've got to eke out that bridal 
dress with an old balloon. That is the way it goes. 
And think of the wash-bill — (excuse these tears) 
— ■ nine hundred and eighty-four pieces a week ! 
No, sir, there is no such a thing as economy in a 
family like mine. Why, just the one item of cradles 
— think of it ! And vermifuge ! Soothing syrup ! 
Teething rings! And 'papa's watches' for the 
babies to play with ! And things to scratch the fur- 
niture with ! And lucifer matches for them to eat, 
and pieces of glass to cut themselves with ! The item 
9* 



130 Roughing It 

of glass alone would support your family, I venture 
to say, sir. Let me scrimp and squeeze all I can, I 
still can't get ahead as fast as I feel I ought to, with 
my opportunities. Bless you, sir, at a time when I 
had seventy-two wives in this house, I groaned under 
the pressure of keeping thousands of dollars tied up 
in seventy-two bedsteads when the money ought to 
have been out at interest ; and I just sold out the 
whole stock, sir, at a sacrifice, and built a bedstead 
seven feet long and ninety-six feet wide. But it was 
a failure, sir. I could not sleep. It appeared to me 
that the whole seventy- two women snored at once. 
The roar was deafening. And then the danger of 
it ! That was what I was looking at. They would 
all draw in their breath at once, and you could actu- 
ally see the walls of the house suck in — and then 
they would all exhale their breath at once, and you 
could see the walls swell out, and strain, and hear 
the rafters crack, and the shingles grind together. 
My friend, take an old man's advice, and don't en- 
cumber yourself with a large family — mind, I tell 
you, don't do it. In a small family, and in a small 
family only, you will find that comfort and that peace 
of mind which are the best at last of the blessings 
this world is able to afford us, and for the lack of 
which no accumulation of wealth, and no acquisition 
of fame, power, and greatness can ever compensate 
us. Take my word for it, ten or eleven wives is all 
you need — never go over it." 

Some instinct or other made me set this Johnson 



Roughing It 131 

down as being unreliable. And yet he was a very 
entertaining person, and I doubt if some of the infor- 
mation he gave us could have been acquired from 
any other source. He was a pleasant contrast to 
those reticent Mormons. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

ALL men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but 
few except the " elect" have seen it, or, at 
least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away 
a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to 
me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so " slow," 
so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It 
is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed 
this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake 
while he did it was, at any rate. If he, according to 
tradition, merely translated it from certain ancient and 
mysteriously-engraved plates of copper, which he 
declares he found under a stone, in an out-of-the-way 
locality, the work of translating was equally a miracle, 
for the same reason. 

The book seems to be merely a prosy detail of 
imaginary history, with the Old Testament for a 
model ; followed by a tedious plagiarism of the New 
Testament. The author labored to give his words 
and phrases the quaint, old-fashioned sound and 
structure of our King James's translation of the Scrip- 
tures; and the result is a mongrel — half modern 
glibness, and half ancient simplicity and gravity. 

(132) 



Roughing It 133 

The latter is awkward and constrained; the former 
natural, but grotesque by the contrast. When- 
ever he found his speech growing too modern — 
which was about every sentence or two — he ladled 
in a few such Scriptural phrases as ' ' exceeding sore, ' ' 
" and it came to pass," etc., and made things satis- 
factory again. " And it came to pass " was his pet. 
If he had left that out, his Bible would have been 
only a pamphlet. 

The title-page reads as follows : 

The Book of Mormon: an account written by the Hand of 
Mormon, upon Plates taken from the Plates of Nephi. 
Wherefore it is an abridgment of the record of the people of Nephi, 
and also of the Lamanites; written to the Lamanites, who are a rem- 
nant of the House of Israel; and also to Jew and Gentile; written by 
way of commandment, and also by the spirit of prophecy and of revela- 
tion. Written and sealed up, and hid up unto the Lord, that they might 
not be destroyed; to come forth by the gift and power of God unto the 
interpretation thereof; sealed by the hand of Moroni, and hid up unto 
the Lord, to come forth in due time by the way of Gentile; the in- 
terpretation thereof by the gift of God. An abridgment taken from the 
Book of Ether also; which is a record of the people of Jared; who 
were scattered at the time the Lord confounded the language of the 
people when they were building a tower to get to Heaven. 

11 Hid up " is good. And so is " wherefore " — 
though why ** wherefore " ? Any other word would 
have answered as well — though in truth it would not 
have sounded so Scriptural. 

Next comes 

the testimony of three witnesses. 
Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto 
whom this work shall come, that we, through the grace of God the 



134 Roughing It 

Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ, have seen the plates which contain 
this record, which is a record of the people of Nephi, and also of the 
Lamanites, their brethren, and also of the people of Jared, who came 
from the tower of which hath been spoken; and we also know that they 
have been translated by the gift and power of God, for His voice hath 
declared it unto us; wherefore we know of a surety that the work is true. 
And we also testify that we have seen the engravings which are upon the 
plates; and they have been shown unto us by the power of God, and 
not of man. And we declare with words of soberness, that an angel of 
God came down from heaven, and he brought and laid before our eyes, 
that we beheld and saw the plates, and the engravings thereon; and we 
know that it is by the grace of God the Father, and our Lord Jesus 
Christ, that we beheld and bear record that these things are true; and 
it is marvelous in our eyes; nevertheless the voice of the Lord com- 
manded us that we should bear record of it; wherefore, to be obedient 
unto the commandments of God, we bear testimony of these things. 
And we know that if we are faithful in Christ, we shall rid our garments 
of the blood of all men, and be found spotless before the judgment-seat 
of Christ, and shall dwell with Him eternally in the heavens. And the 
honor be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost, which is 
one God. Amen. 

Oliver Cowdery, 
David Whitmer, 
Martin Harris. 

Some people have to have a world of evidence be- 
fore they can come anywhere in the neighborhood of 
believing anything; but for me, when a man tells me 
that he has il seen the engravings which are upon the 
plates," and not only that, but an angel was there 
at the time, and saw him see them, and probably took 
his receipt for it, I am very far on the road to con- 
viction, no matter whether I ever heard of that man 
before or not, and even if I do not know the name of 
the angel, or his nationality either. 

Next is this : 



Roughing It 135 

AND ALSO THE TESTIMONY OF EIGHT WITNESSES. 
Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people unto 
whom this work shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jr., the translator of 
this work, has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, 
which have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves as the 
said Smith has translated, we did handle with our hands; and we also 
saw the engravings thereon, all of which has the appearance of ancient 
work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear record with 
words of soberness, that the said Smith has shown unto us, for we have 
seen and hefted, and know of a surety that the said Smith has got the 
plates of which we have spoken. And we give our names unto the 
world, to witness unto the world that which we have seen ; and we lie 
not, God bearing witness of it. 

Christian Whitmer, Hiram Page, 

Jacob Whitmer, Joseph Smith, Sr., 

Peter Whitmer, Jr., Hyrum Smith, 

John Whitmer, Samuel H. Smith. 

And when I am far on the road to conviction, and 
eight men, be they grammatical or otherwise, come 
forward and tell me that they have seen the plates 
too; and not only seen those plates but " hefted ' ' 
them, I am convinced. I could not feel more sat- 
isfied and at rest if the entire Whitmer family had 
testified. 

The Mormon Bible consists of fifteen " books" 
— being the books of Jacob, Enos, Jarom, Omni, 
Mosiah, Zeniff, Alma, Helaman, Ether, Moroni, two 
" books " of Mormon, and three of Nephi. 

In the first book of Nephi is a plagiarism of the 
Old Testament, which gives an account of the exo- 
dus from Jerusalem of the " children of Lehi " ; and 
it goes on to tell of their wanderings in the wilder- 
ness, during eight years, and their supernatural pro- 



136 Roughing It 

tection by one of their number, a party by the name 
of Nephi. They finally reached the land of " Boun- 
tiful," and camped by the sea. After they had re- 
mained there 4 ' for the space of many days ' ' — 
which is more Scriptural than definite — Nephi was 
commanded from on high to build a ship wherein to 
" carry the people across the waters." He traves- 
tied Noah's ark — but he obeyed orders in the mat- 
ter of the plan. He finished the ship in a single 
day, while his brethren stood by and made fun of it 
— and of him, too — " saying, our brother is a fool, 
for he thinketh that he can build a ship." They did 
not wait for the timbers to dry, but the whole tribe 
or nation sailed the next day. Then a bit of genuine 
nature cropped out, and is revealed by outspoken 
Nephi with Scriptural frankness — they all got on a 
spree ! They, " and also their wives, began to make 
themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, 
and to sing, and to speak with much rudeness ; yea, 
they w r ere lifted up unto exceeding rudeness." 

Nephi tried to stop these scandalous proceedings ; 
but they tied him neck and heels, and went on with 
their lark. But observe how Nephi the prophet cir- 
cumvented them by the aid of the invisible powers : 

And it came to pass that after they had bound me, insomuch that I 
could not move, the compass, which had been prepared of the Lord, 
did cease to work ; wherefore, they knew not whither they should steer 
the ship, insomuch that there arose a great storm, yea, a great and ter- 
rible tempest, and we were driven back upon the waters for the space of 
three days ; and they began to be frightened exceedingly, lest they 
should be drowned in the sea ; nevertheless they did not loose me. And 



Roughing It 137 

on the fourth day, which we had been driven back, the tempest began 
to be exceeding sore. 

And it came to pass that we were about to be swallowed up in the 
depths of the sea. 

Then they untied him. 

And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the 
compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass 
that I prayed unto the Lord ; and after I had prayed, the winds did 
cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm. 

Equipped with their compass, these ancients ap- 
pear to have had the advantage of Noah. 

Their voyage was toward a " promised land " — 
the only name they gave it. They reached it in 
safety. 

Polygamy is a recent feature in the Mormon relig- 
ion, and was added by Brigham Young after Joseph 
Smith's death. Before that, it was regarded as an 
11 abomination." This verse from the Mormon Bi- 
ble occurs in Chapter II of the book of Jacob : 

For behold, thus saith the Lord, this people begin to wax in iniquity ; 
they understand not the Scriptures ; for they seek to excuse themselves in 
committing whoredoms, because of the things which were written con- 
cerning David, and Solomon his son. Behold, David and Solomon 
truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable be- 
fore me, saith the Lord ; wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this 
people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, 
that I might raise up unto me a righteous branch from the fruit of the 
loins of Joseph. Wherefore, I the Lord God, will not suffer that this 
people shall do like unto them of old. 

However, the project failed — ■ or at least the mod- 
ern Mormon end of it — for Brigham " suffers" it. 
This verse is from the same chapter : 



138 Roughing It 

Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom you hate, because ot 
their filthiness and the cursings which hath come upon their skins, are 
more righteous than you ; for they have not forgotten the command- 
ment of the Lord, which was given unto our fathers, that they should 
have, save it were one wife ; and concubines they should have none. 

The following verse (from Chapter IX of the Book 
of Nephi) appears to contain information not 
familiar to everybody: 

And now it came to pass that when Jesus had ascended into heaven, 
the multitude did disperse, and every man did take his wife and his 
children, and did return to his own home. 

And it came to pass that on the morrow, when the multitude was 
gathered together, behold, Nephi and his brother whom he had raised 
from the dead, whose name was Timothy, and also his son, whose name 
was Jonas, and also Mathoni, and Mathonihah, his brother, and Kumen, 
and Kumenonhi, and Jeremiah, and Shemnon, and Jonas, and Zedekiah, 
and Isaiah; now these were the names of the disciples whom Jesus had 
chosen. 

In order that the reader may observe how much 
more grandeur and picturesqueness (as seen by these 
Mormon twelve) accompanied one of the tenderest 
episodes in the life of our Saviour than other eyes 
seem to have been aware of, I quote the following 
from the same * * book ' ' — Nephi : 

And it came to pass that Jesus spake unto them, and bade them arise. 
And they arose from the earth, and He said unto them, Blessed are ye 
because of your faith. And now behold, My joy is full. And when 
He had said these words, He wept, and the multitude bear record of it, 
and He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and 
prayed unto the Father for them. And when He had done this He 
wept again, and He spake unto the multitude, and saith unto them, Be- 
hold your little ones. And as they looked to behold, they cast their 
eyes toward heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw 
, angels descending out of heaven as it were, in the midst of fire ; and 



Roughing It 139 

they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were en- 
circled about with fire ; and the angels did minister unto them, and the 
multitude did see and hear and bear record ; and they know that their 
record is true, for they all of them did see and hear, every man for him- 
self ; and they were in number about two thousand and five hundred 
souls ; and they did consist of men, women, and children. 

And what else would they be likely to consist of? 

The Book of Ether is an incomprehensible medley 
of "history," much of it relating to battles and 
sieges among peoples whom the reader has possibly 
never heard of; and who inhabited a country which 
is not set down in the geography. There was a 
King with the remarkable name of Coriantumr, and 
he warred with Shared, and Lib, and Shiz, and 
others, in the " plains of Heshlon " ; and the " val- 
ley of Gilgal ' ' ; and the ' * wilderness of Akish ' ' ; 
and the "land of Moran " ; and the "plains of 
Agosh"; and "Ogath, ,, and " Raman," and the 
"land of Corihor," and the "hill Comnor," by 
" the waters of Ripliancum," etc., etc., etc. " And 
it came to pass," after a deal of fighting, that Cori- 
antumr, upon making calculation of his losses, found 
that ' ' there had been slain two millions of mighty 
men, and also their wives and their children " — say 
5,000,000 or 6,000,000 in all — "and he began to 
sorrow in his heart." Unquestionably it was time. 
So he wrote to Shiz, asking a cessation of hostili- 
ties, and offering to give up his kingdom to save 
his people. Shiz declined, except upon condition 
that Coriantumr would come and let him cut his 
head off first — a thing which Coriantumr would not 



140 Roughing It 

do. Then there was more fighting for a season; 
then four years were devoted to gathering the forces 
for a final struggle — after which ensued a battle, 
which, I take it, is the most remarkable set forth in 
history,— except, perhaps, that of the Kilkenny 
cats, which it resembles in some respects. This is 
the account of the gathering and the battle : 

7. And it came to pass that they did gather together all the people, 
upon all the face of the land, who had not been slain, save it was Ether. 
And it came to pass that Ether did behold all the doings of the people ; 
and he beheld that the people who were for Coriantumr,were gathered 
together to the army of Coriantumr ; and the people who were for Shiz, 
were gathered together to the army of Shiz ; wherefore they were for 
the space of four years gathering together the people, that they might 
get all who were upon the face of the land, and that they might receive 
all the strength which it was possible that they could receive. And it 
came to pass that when they were all gathered together, every one to 
the army which he would, with their wives and their children ; both 
men, women, and children being armed with weapons of war, having 
shields, and breast-plates, and head-plates, and being clothed after the 
manner of war, they lid march forth one against another, to battle ; 
and they fought all that day, and conquered not. And it came to pass 
that when it was night they were weary, and retired to their camps ; 
and after they had retired to their camps, they took up a howling and a 
lamentation for the loss of the slain of their people; and so great were their 
cries, their howlings and lamentations, that it did rend the air exceed- 
ingly. And it came to pass that on the morrow they did go again to 
battle, and great and terrible was that day ; nevertheless they conquered 
not, and when the night came again, they did rend the air with their 
cries, and their howlings, and their mournings, for the loss of the slain 
of their people. 

8. And it came to pass that Coriantumr wrote again an epistle unto 
Shiz, desiring that he would not come again to battle, but that he would 
take the kingdom, and spare the lives of the people. But behold, the 
Spirit of the Lord had ceased striving with them, and Satan had full 
power over the hearts of the people, for they were given up unto the 



Roughing It 141 

hardness of their hearts and the blindness of their minds, that they 
might be destroyed ; wherefore they went again to battle. And it came 
to pass that they fought all that day, and when the night came they slept 
upon their swords ; and on the morrow they fought even until the night 
came ; and when the night came they were drunken with anger, even 
as a man who is drunken with wine ; and they slept again upon their 
swords ; and on the morrow they fought again ; and when the night 
came they had all fallen by the sword save it were fifty and two of 
the people of Coriantumr, and sixty and nine of the people of Shiz. 
And it came to pass that they slept upon their swords that night, and on 
the morrow they fought again, and they contended in their mights with 
their swords, and with their shields, all that day ; and when the night 
came there were thirty and two of the people of Shiz, and twenty and 
seven of the people of Coriantumr. 

9. And it came to pass that they ate and slept, and prepared for 
death on the morrow. And they were large and mighty men, as to the 
strength of men. And it came to pass that they fought for the space of 
three hours, and they fainted with the loss of blood. And it came to 
pass that when the men of Coriantumr had received sufficient strength, 
that they could walk, they were about to flee for their lives, but behold, 
Shiz arose, and also his men, and he swore in his wrath that he would 
slay Coriantumr, or he would perish by the sword ; wherefore he did 
pursue them, and on the morrow he did overtake them ; and they 
fought again with the sword. And it came to pass that when they had 
all fallen by the sword, save it were Coriantumr and Shiz, behold Shiz 
had fainted with loss of blood. And it came to pass that when Cor- 
iantumr had leaned upon his sword, that he rested a little, he smote off 
the head of Shiz. And it came to pass that after he had smote off the 
head of Shiz, that Shiz raised upon his hands and fell ; and after that 
he had struggled for breath, he died. And it came to pass that Cor- 
iantumr fell to the earth, and became as if he had no life. And the 
Lord spake unto Ether, and said unto him, go forth. And he went 
forth, and beheld that the words of the Lord had all been fulfilled ; 
and he finished his record ; and the hundredth part I have not written. 

It seems a pity he did not finish, for after all his 
dreary former chapters of commonplace, he stopped 
just as he was in danger of becoming interesting. 



142 Roughing It 

The Mormon Bible is rather stupid and tiresome 
to read, but there is nothing vicious in its teach- 
ings. Its code of morals is unobjectionable — it is 
1 ' smouched ' ' * from the New Testament and no 
credit given. 



Milton. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

AT the end of our two days' sojourn, we left 
Great Salt Lake City hearty and well fed and 
happy — physically superb but not so very much 
wiser, as regards the *' Mormon question," than we 
were when we arrived, perhaps. We had a deal 
more " information " than we had before, of course, 
but we did not know what portion of it was reliable 
and what was not — for it all came from acquaint- 
ances of a day — strangers, strictly speaking. We 
were told, for instance, that the dreadful " Moun- 
tain Meadows Massacre' ' was the work of the In- 
dians entirely, and that the Gentiles had meanly tried 
to fasten it upon the Mormons; we were told, like- 
wise, that the Indians were to blame, partly, and 
partly the Mormons; and we were told, likewise, 
and just as positively, that the Mormons were al- 
most if not wholly and completely responsible for 
that most treacherous and pitiless butchery. We 
got the story in all these different shapes, but it was 
not till several years afterward that Mrs. Waiters 
book, "The Mormon Prophet," came out with 
Judge Cradlebaugh's trial of the accused parties in it 

(143) 



144 Roughing It 

and revealed the truth that the latter version was the 
correct one and that the Mormons were the assas- 
sins. All our <€ information " had three sides to it, 
and so I gave up the idea that I could settle the 
44 Mormon question " in two days. Still I have seen 
newspaper correspondents do it in one. 

I left Great Salt Lake a good deal confused as to 
what state of things existed there - — and sometimes 
even questioning in my own mind whether a state of 
things existed there at all or not. But presently I 
remembered with a lightening sense of relief that we 
had learned two or three trivial things there which 
we could be certain of; and so the two days were 
not wholly lost. For instance, we had learned that 
we were at last in a pioneer land, in absolute and 
tangible reality. The high prices charged for trifles 
were eloquent of high freights and bewildering dis- 
tances of freightage. In the East, in those days, the 
smallest moneyed denomination was a penny and it 
represented the smallest purchasable quantity of any 
commodity. West of Cincinnati the smallest coin 
in use was the silver five-cent piece, and no smaller 
quantity of an article could be bought than "five 
cents' worth." In Overland City the lowest coin 
appeared to be the ten-cent piece ; but in Salt Lake 
there did not seem to be any money in circulation 
smaller than a quarter, or any smaller quantity pur- 
chasable of any commodity than twenty-five cents' 
worth. We had always been used to half dimes and 
"five cents' worth" as the minimum of financial 



Roughing It 145 

negotiations ; but in Salt Lake if one wanted a cigar, 
it was a quarter; if he wanted a chalk pipe, it was a 
quarter; if he wanted a peach, or a candle, or a 
newspaper, or a shave, or a little Gentile whisky to 
rub on his corns to arrest indigestion and keep him 
from having the toothache, twenty-five cents was the 
price, every time. When we looked at the shot-bag 
of silver, now and then, we seemed to be wasting our 
substance in riotous living, but if we referred to the 
expense account we could see that we had not been 
doing anything of the kind. But people easily get 
reconciled to big money and big prices, and fond 
and vain of both — it is a descent to little coins and 
cheap prices that is hardest to bear and slowest to 
take hold upon one's toleration. After a month's 
acquaintance with the twenty-five cent minimum, the 
average human being is ready to blush every time he 
thinks of his despicable five-cent days. How sun- 
burnt with blushes I used to get in gaudy Nevada, 
every time I thought of my first financial experience 
in Salt Lake. It was on this wise (which is a favor- 
ite expression of great authors, and a very neat one, 
too, but I never hear anybody say on this wise when 
they are talking). A young half-breed with a com- 
plexion like a yellow-jacket asked me if I would have 
my boots blacked. It was at the Salt Lake House 
the morning after we arrived. I said yes, and he 
blacked them. Then I handed him a silver five-cent 
piece, with the benevolent air of a person who is con- 
ferring wealth and blessedness upon poverty and 
10» 



146 Roughing It 

suffering. The yellow-jacket took it with what I 
judged to be suppressed emotion, and laid it rever- 
ently down in the middle of his broad hand. Then 
he began to contemplate it, much as a philosopher 
contemplates a gnat's ear in the ample field of his 
microscope. Several mountaineers, teamsters, stage- 
drivers, etc., drew near and dropped into the tableau 
and fell to surveying the money with that attractive 
indifference to formality which is noticeable in the 
hardy pioneer. Presently the yellow-jacket handed 
the half dime back to me and told me I ought to 
keep my money in my pocket-book instead of in my 
soul, and then I wouldn't get it cramped and shriv- 
eled up so ! 

What a roar of vulgar laughter there was ! I de- 
stroyed the mongrel reptile on the spot, but I smiled 
and smiled all the time I was detaching his scalp, for 
the remark he made was good for an " Injun." 

Yes, we had learned in Salt Lake to be charged 
great prices without letting the inward shudder ap- 
pear on the surface — for even already we had over- 
heard and noted the tenor of conversations among 
drivers, conductors, and hostlers, and finally among 
citizens of Salt Lake, until we were well aware that 
these superior beings despised " emigrants." We 
permitted no tell-tale shudders and winces in our 
countenances, for we wanted to seem pioneers, or 
Mormons, half-breeds, teamsters, stage - drivers, 
Mountain Meadow assassins — anything in the world 
that the plains and Utah respected and admired — 



Roughing It 147 

but we were wretchedly ashamed of being "emi- 
grants," and sorry enough that we had white shirts 
and could not swear in the presence of ladies with- 
out looking the other way. 

And many a time in Nevada, afterwards, we had 
occasion to remember with humiliation that we were 
"emigrants," and consequently a low and inferior 
sort of creatures. Perhaps the reader has visited 
Utah, Nevada, or California, even in these latter 
days, and while communing with himself upon the 
sorrowful banishment of those countries from what 
he considers "the world," has had his wings clip- 
ped by finding that he is the one to be pitied, and 
that there are entire populations around him ready 
and willing to do it for him — yea, who are compla- 
cently doing it for him already, wherever he steps 
his foot. Poor thing ! they are making fun of his 
hat ; and the cut of his New York coat ; and his 
conscientiousness about his grammar ; and his feeble 
profanity ; and his consumingly ludicrous ignorance 
of ores, shafts, tunnels, and other things which he 
never saw before, and never felt enough interest in 
to read about. And all the time that he is thinking 
what a sad fate it is to be exiled to that far country, 
that lonely land, the citizens around him are looking 
down on him with a blighting compassion because he 
is an "emigrant" instead of that proudest and 
blessedest creature that exists on all the earth, a 
" Forty-Niner." 

The accustomed coach life began again, now, and 
j» 



148 Roughing It 

by midnight ft almost seemed as if we never had 
been out of our snuggery among the mail sacks at 
all. We had made one alteration, however. We 
had provided enough bread, boiled ham, and hard- 
boiled eggs to last double the six hundred miles of 
staging we had still to do. 

And it was comfort in those succeeding days to 
sit up and contemplate the majestic panorama of 
mountains and valleys spread out below us and eat 
ham and hard-boiled eggs while our spiritual natures 
reveled alternately in rainbows, thunderstorms, and 
peerless sunsets. Nothing helps scenery like ham 
and eggs. Ham and eggs, and after these a pipe — 
an old, rank, delicious pipe — ham and eggs and 
scenery, a " down grade," a flying coach, a fragrant 
pipe and a contented heart — these make happiness. 
It is what all the ages have struggled for. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

AT eight in the morning we reached the remnant 
and ruin of what had been the important mili- 
tary station of " Camp Floyd," some forty-five or 
fifty miles from Salt Lake City. At four P.M. we 
had doubled our distance and were ninety or a hun- 
dred miles from Salt Lake. And now we entered 
upon one of that species of deserts whose concen- 
trated hideousness shames the diffused and diluted 
horrors of Sahara — an ' ' alkali ' ' desert. For sixty- 
eight miles there was but one break in it. I do not 
remember that this was really a break; indeed, it 
seems to me that it was nothing but a watering depot 
in the midst of the stretch of sixty-eight miles. If 
my memory serves me, there was no well or spring 
at this place, but the water was hauled there by 
mule and ox teams from the further side of the des- 
ert. There was a stage station there. It was forty- 
five miles from the beginning of the desert, and 
twenty-three from the end of it. 

We plowed and dragged and groped along, the 
whole livelong night, and at the end of this uncom- 
fortable twelve hours we finished the forty-five-mile 

(i49) 



150 Roughing It 

part of the desert and got to the stage station where 
the imported water was. The sun was just rising. 
It was easy enough to cross a desert in the night 
while we were asleep ; and it was pleasant to reflect, 
in the morning, that we in actual person had encoun- 
tered an absolute desert and could always speak 
knowingly of deserts in presence of the ignorant 
thenceforward. And it was pleasant also to reflect 
that this was not an obscure, back country desert, 
but a very celebrated one, the metropolis itself, as 
you may say. All this was very well and very com- 
fortable and satisfactory — but now we were to cross 
a desert in daylight. This was fine — novel — ro- 
mantic — dramatically adventurous — this, indeed, 
was worth living for, worth traveling for ! We would 
write home all about it. 

This enthusiasm, this stern thirst for adventure, 
wilted under the sultry August sun and did not last 
above one hour. One poor little hour — and then 
we were ashamed that we had " gushed " so. The 
poetry was all in the anticipation — there is none in 
the reality. Imagine a vast, waveless ocean stricken 
dead and turned to ashes ; imagine this solemn waste 
tufted with ash-dusted sage-bushes ; imagine the life- 
less silence and solitude that belong to such a place ; 
imagine a coach, creeping like a bug through the 
midst of this shoreless level, and sending up tum- 
bled volumes of dust as if it were a bug that went 
by steam ; imagine this aching monotony of toiling 
and plowing kept up hour after hour, and the shore 



Roughing It 151 

still as far away as ever, apparently; imagine team, 
driver, coach and passengers so deeply coated with 
ashes that they are all one colorless color ; imagine 
ash-drifts roosting above mustaches and eyebrows 
like snow accumulations on boughs and bushes. 
This is the reality of it. 

The sun beats down with dead, blistering, relent- 
less malignity ; the perspiration is welling from every 
pore in man and beast, but scarcely a sign of it finds 
its way to the surface — it is absorbed before it gets 
there ; there is not the faintest breath of air stirring ; 
there is not a merciful shred of cloud in all the bril- 
liant firmament ; there is not a living creature visible 
in any direction whither one searches the blank level 
that stretches its monotonous miles on every hand ; 
there is not a sound — not a sigh — not a whisper — 
not a buzz, or a whir of wings, or distant pipe of 
bird — not even a sob from the lost souls that doubt- 
less people that dead air. And so the occasional 
sneezing of the resting mules and the champing of 
the bits, grate harshly on the grim stillness, not dis- 
sipating the spell but accenting it and making one 
feel more lonesome and forsaken than before. 

The mules, under violent swearing, coaxing, and 
whip-cracking, would make at stated intervals a 
" spurt," and drag the coach a hundred or may be 
two hundred yards, stirring up a billowy cloud of 
dust that rolled back, enveloping the vehicle to the 
wheel-tops or higher, and making it seem afloat in a 
fog. Then a rest followed, with the usual sneezing 



152 Roughing It 

and bit-champing. Then another * ' spurt " of a 
hundred yards and another rest at the end of it. 
All day long we kept this up, without water for the 
mules and without ever changing the team. At least 
we kept it up ten hours, which, I take it, is a day, 
and a' pretty honest one, in an alkali desert. It was 
from four in the morning till two in the afternoon. 
And it was so hot ! and so close ! and our water 
canteens went dry in the middle of the day and we 
got so thirsty ! It was so stupid and tiresome and 
dull ! and the tedious hours did lag and drag and 
limp along with such a cruel deliberation ! It was 
so trying to give one's watch a good long undis- 
turbed spell and then take it out and find that it had 
been fooling away the time and not trying to get 
ahead any ! The alkali dust cut through our lips, it 
persecuted our eyes, it ate through the delicate 
membranes and made our noses bleed and kept them 
bleeding — and truly and seriously the romance all 
faded far away and disappeared, and left the desert 
trip nothing but a harsh reality — a thirsty, swelter- 
ing, longing, hateful reality ! 

Two miles and a quarter an hour for ten hours — 
that was what we accomplished. It was hard to 
bring the comprehension away down to such a snail- 
pace as that, when we had been used to making 
eight and ten miles an hour. When we reached 
the station on the farther verge of the desert, we 
were glad, for the first time, that the dictionary was 
along, because we never could have found language 



Roughing It 153 

to tell how glad we were, in any sort of dictionary 
but an unabridged one with pictures in it. But 
there could not have been found in a whole library 
of dictionaries language sufficient to tell how tired 
those mules were after their twenty-three-mile pull. 
To try to give the reader an idea of how thirsty they 
were, would be to "gild refined gold or paint the 
lily." 

Somehow, now that it is there, the quotation does 
not seem to fit — but no matter, let it stay, any- 
how. I think it is a graceful and attractive thing, 
and therefore have tried time and time again to work 
it in where it would fit, but could not succeed. 
These efforts have kept my mind distracted and ill 
at ease, and made my narrative seem broken and 
disjointed, in places. Under these circumstances it 
seems to me best to leave it in, as above, since this 
will afford at least a temporary respite from the wear 
and tear of trying to ' ' lead up ' ' to this really apt 
and beautiful quotation. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

ON the morning of the sixteenth day out from St. 
Joseph we arrived at the entrance of Rocky 
Canyon, two hundred and fifty miles from Salt 
Lake. It was along in this wild country somewhere, 
and far from any habitation of white men, except 
the stage stations, that we came across the wretched- 
est type of mankind I have ever seen, up to this 
writing. I refer to the Goshoot Indians. From 
what we could see and all we could learn, they are 
very considerably inferior to even the despised 
Digger Indians of California ; inferior to all races of 
savages on our continent ; inferior to even the Terra 
del Fuegans; inferior to the Hottentots, and act- 
ually inferior in some respects to the Kytches of 
Africa. Indeed, I have been obliged to look the 
bulky volumes of Wood's " Uncivilized Races of 
Men" clear through in order to find a savage tribe 
degraded enough to take rank with the Goshoots. 
I find but one people fairly open to that shameful 
verdict. It is the Bosjesmans (Bushmen) of South 
Africa. Such of the Goshoots as we saw, along the 
road and hanging about the stations, were small, 

(154) 



Roughing It 155 

lean, "scrawny" creatures; in complexion a dull 
black like the ordinary American negro ; their faces 
and hands bearing dirt which they had been hoard- 
ing and accumulating for months, years, and even 
generations, according to the age of the proprietor; 
a silent, sneaking, treacherous-looking race; taking 
note of everything, covertly, like all the other 
' ■ Noble Red Men ' ' that we (do not) read about, 
and betraying no sign in their countenances ; indo- 
lent, everlastingly patient and tireless, like all other 
Indians; prideless beggars — for if the beggar in- 
stinct were left out of an Indian he would not 
"go," any more than a clock without a pendulum; 
hungry, always hungry, and yet never refusing 
anything that a hog would eat, though often eating 
what a hog would decline; hunters, but having no 
higher ambition than to kill and eat jackass rabbits, 
crickets, and grasshoppers, and embezzle carrion 
from the buzzards and cayotes; savages who, when 
asked if they have the common Indian belief in a 
Great Spirit show a something which almost amounts 
to emotion, thinking whisky is referred to; a thin, 
scattering race of almost naked black children, these 
Goshoots are, who produce nothing at all, and have 
no villages, and no gatherings together into strictly 
defined tribal communities — a people whose only 
shelter is a rag cast on a bush to keep off a portion 
of the snow, and yet who inhabit one of the most 
rocky, wintry, repulsive wastes that our country or 
any other can exhibit. 



156 Roughing It 

The Bushmen and our Goshoots are manifestly 
descended from the self-same gorilla, or kangaroo, 
or Norway rat, whichever animal-Adam the Dar- 
winians trace them to. 

One would as soon expect the rabbits to fight as 
the Goshoots, and yet they used to live off the offal 
and refuse of the stations a few months and then 
come some dark night when no mischief was ex- 
pected, and burn down the buildings and kill the 
men from ambush as they rushed out. And once, 
in the night, they attacked the stage-coach when a 
District Judge, of Nevada Territory, was the only 
passenger, and with their first volley of arrows (and 
a bullet or two) they riddled the stage curtains, 
wounded a horse or two and mortally wounded the 
driver. The latter was full of pluck, and so was 
his passenger. At the driver's call Judge Mott 
swung himself out, clambered to the box and seized 
the reins of the team, and away they plunged, 
through the racing mob of skeletons and under a 
hurtling storm of missiles. The stricken driver had 
sunk down on the boot as soon as he was wounded, 
but had held on to the reins and said he would 
manage to keep hold of them until relieved. And 
after they were taken from his relaxing grasp, he 
lay with his head between Judge Mott's feet, and 
tranquilly gave directions about the road ; he said 
he believed he could live till the miscreants were 
outrun and left behind, and that if he managed that, 
the main difficulty would be at an end, and then if 



Roughing It 157 

the Judge drove so and so (giving directions about 
bad places in the road, and general course) he would 
reach the next station without trouble. The Judge 
distanced the enemy and at last rattled up to the 
station and knew that the night's perils were done; 
but there was no comrade-in-arms for him to rejoice 
with, for the soldierly driver was dead. 

Let us forget that we have been saying harsh 
things about the Overland drivers, now. The dis- 
gust which the Goshoots gave me, a disciple of 
Cooper and a worshiper of the Red Man — even of 
the scholarly savages in the " Last of the Mohicans " 
who are fittingly associated with backwoodsmen who 
divide each sentence into two equal parts ; one part 
critically grammatical, refined, and choice of lan- 
guage, and the other part just such an attempt to 
talk like a hunter or a mountaineer as a Broadway 
clerk might make after eating an edition of Emerson 
Bennett's works and studying frontier life at the 
Bowery Theatre a couple of weeks — I say that the 
nausea which the Goshoots gave me, an Indian 
worshiper, set me to examining authorities, to see 
if perchance I had been over-estimating the Red 
Man while viewing him through the mellow moon- 
shine of romance. The revelations that came were 
disenchanting. It was curious to see how quickly 
the paint and tinsel fell away from him and left him 
treacherous, filthy, and repulsive — and how quickly 
the evidences accumulated that wherever one finds 
an Indian tribe he has only found Goshoots more 



158 Roughing It 

or less modified by circumstances and surround- 
ings — but Goshoots, after all. They deserve pity, 
poor creatures ! and they can have mine — at this 
distance. Nearer by, they never get anybody's. 

There is an impression abroad that the Baltimore 
and Washington Railroad Company and many of its 
employes are Goshoots ; but it is an error. There 
is only a plausible resemblance, which, while it is 
apt enough to mislead the ignorant, cannot deceive 
parties who have contemplated both tribes. But 
seriously, it was not only poor wit, but very wrong 
to start the report referred to above ; for however 
innocent the motive may have been, the necessary 
effect was to injure the reputation of a class who 
have a hard enough time of it in the pitiless deserts 
of the Rocky Mountains, Heaven knows ! If we 
cannot find it in our hearts to give those poor naked 
creatures our Christian sympathy and compassion, in 
God's name let us at least not throw mud at them. 



CHAPTER XX. 

ON the seventeenth day we passed the highest 
mountain peaks we had yet seen, and although 
the day was very warm the night that followed upon 
its heels was wintry cold and blankets were next to 
useless. 

On the eighteenth day we encountered the east- 
ward-bound telegraph-constructors at Reese River 
station and sent a message to his Excellency Gov. 
Nye at Carson City (distant one hundred and fifty- 
six miles) . 

On the nineteenth day we crossed the Great 
American Desert — forty memorable miles of bot- 
tomless sand, into which the coach wheels sunk 
from six inches to a foot. We worked our passage 
most of the way across. That is to say, we got out 
and walked. It was a dreary pull and a long and 
thirsty one, for we had no water. From one ex- 
tremity of this desert to the other, the road was 
white with the bones of oxen and horses. It would 
hardly be an exaggeration to say that we could have 
walked the forty miles and set our feet on a bone at 
every step ! The desert was one prodigious grave- 

(159) 



160 Roughing It 

yard. And the log-chains, wagon tires, and rot- 
ting wrecks of vehicles were almost as thick as the 
bones. I think we saw log-chains enough rusting 
there in the desert to reach across any State in the 
Union. Do not these relics suggest something of 
an idea of the fearful suffering and privation the 
early emigrants to California endured? 

At the border of the desert lies Carson Lake, or 
the " Sink " of the Carson, a shallow, melancholy 
sheet of water some eighty or a hundred miles in 
circumference. Carson River empties into it and 
is lost — sinks mysteriously into the earth and never 
appears in the light of the sun again — for the lake 
has no outlet whatever. 

There are several rivers in Nevada, and they all 
have this mysterious fate. They end in various 
lakes or "sinks," and that is the last of them. 
Carson Lake, Humboldt Lake, Walker Lake, Mono 
Lake, are all great sheets of water without any 
visible outlet. Water is always flowing into them; 
none is ever seen to flow out of them, and yet they 
remain always level full, neither receding nor over- 
flowing. What they do with their surplus is only 
known to the Creator. 

On the western verge of the desert we halted a 
moment at Ragtown. It consisted of one log-house 
and is not set down on the map. 

This reminds me of a circumstance. Just after 
we left Julesburg, on the Platte, I was sitting with 
• the driver, and he said : 



Roughing It 161 

M I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if 
you would like to listen to it. Horace Greeley went 
over this road once. When he was leaving Carson 
City he told the driver, Hank Monk, that he had an 
engagement to lecture at Placerville and was very 
anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk cracked 
his whip and started off at an awful pace. The 
coach bounced up and down in such a terrific way 
that it jolted the buttons all off of Horace's coat, 
and finally shot his head clean through the roof of 
the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk and 
begged him to go easier — said he warn't in as much 
of a hurry as he was awhile ago. But Hank Monk 
said, ' Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get you 
there on time ' — and you bet you he did, too, what 
was left of him !" 

A day or two after that we picked up a Denver 
man at the cross roads, and he told us a good deal 
about the country and the Gregory Diggings. He 
seemed a very entertaining person and a man well 
posted in the affairs of Colorado. By and by he 
remarked : 

M I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if 
you would like to listen to it. Horace Greeley 
went over this road once. When he was leaving 
Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, that he 
had an engagement to lecture at Placerville and was 
very anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk 
cracked his whip and started off at an awful pace. 
The coach bounced up and down in such a terrific 
11. 



162 Roughing It 

way that it jolted the buttons all off of Horace's 
coat, and finally shot his head clean through the 
roof of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk 
and begged him to go easier — said he warn't in as 
much of a hurry as he was awhile ago. But Hank 
Monk said, * Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get 
you there on time !' — and you bet you he did, 
too, what was left of him!" 

At Fort Bridger, some days after this, we took 
on board a cavalry sergeant, a very proper and 
soldierly person indeed. From no other man during 
the whole journey did we gather such a store of 
concise and well-arranged military information. It 
was surprising to find in the desolate wilds of our 
country a man so thoroughly acquainted with every- 
thing useful to know in his line of life, and yet of 
such inferior rank and unpretentious bearing. For 
as much as three hours we listened to him with un- 
abated interest. Finally he got upon the subject of 
trans-continental travel, and presently said : 

11 I can tell you a very laughable thing indeed, if 
you would like to listen to it. Horace Greeley 
went over this road once. When he was leaving 
Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, that he 
had an engagement to lecture at Placerville and was 
very anxious to go through quick. Hank Monk 
cracked his whip and started off at an awful pace. 
The coach bounced up and down in such a terrific 
way that it jolted the buttons all off of Horace's 
coat, and finally shot his head clean through the 



Roughing It I63 

roof of the stage, and then he yelled at Hank Monk 
and begged him to go easier — said he warn't in as 
much of a hurry as he was awhile ago. But Hank 
Monk said, ' Keep your seat, Horace, and I'll get 
you there on time !' — and you bet you he did, too, 
what was left of him ! ' ' 

When we were eight hours out from Salt Lake 
City a Mormon preacher got in with us at a way 
station — a gentle, soft-spoken, kindly man, and 
one whom any stranger would warm to at first sight. 
I can never forget the pathos that was in his voice 
as he told, in simple language, the story of his 
people's wanderings and unpitied sufferings. No 
pulpit eloquence was ever so moving and so beauti- 
ful as this outcast's picture of the first Mormon 
pilgrimage across the plains, struggling sorrowfully 
onward to the land of its banishment and marking 
its desolate way with graves and v/atering it with 
tears. His words so wrought upon us that it was a 
relief to us all when the conversation drifted into a 
more cheerful channel and the natural features of 
the curious country we were in came under treat- 
ment. One matter after another was pleasantly 
discussed, and at length the stranger said : 

" I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if 
you would like to listen to it. Horace Greeley 
went over this road once. When he was leaving 
Carson City he told the driver, Hank Monk, that he 
had an engagement to lecture in Placerville, and 
was very anxious to go through quick. Hank 



164 Roughing It 

Monk cracked his whip and started off at an awful 
pace. The coach bounced up and down in such a 
terrific way that it jolted the buttons all off of 
Horace's coat, and finally shot his head clean 
through the roof of the stage, and then he yelled at 
Hank Monk and begged him to go easier- — said he 
warn't in as much of a hurry as he was awhile ago. 
But Hank Monk said, ' Keep your seat, Horace, 
and I'll get you there on time !' — and you bet you 
he did, too, what was left of him !" 

Ten miles out of Ragtown we found a poor 
wanderer who had lain down to die. He had 
walked as long as he could, but his limbs had failed 
him at last. Hunger and fatigue had conquered 
him. It would have been inhuman to leave him 
there. We paid his fare to Carson and lifted him 
into the coach. It was some little time before he 
showed any very decided signs of life ; but by dint 
of chafing him and pouring brandy between his lips 
we finally brought him to a languid consciousness. 
Then we fed him a little, and by and by he seemed 
to comprehend the situation and a grateful light 
softened his eye, We made his mail-sack bed as 
comfortable as possible, and constructed a pillow 
for him with our coats. He seemed very thankful. 
Then he looked up in our faces, and said in a 
feeble voice that had a tremble of honest emotion 
in it: 

" Gentlemen, I know not who you are, but you 
•have saved my life ; and although I can never be 



Roughing It 165 

able to repay you for it, I feel that I can at least 
make one hour of your long journey lighter. I 
take it you are strangers to this great thoroughfare, 
but I am entirely familiar with it. In this connec- 
tion I can tell you a most laughable thing indeed, if 
you would like to listen to it. Horace Greeley — " 

I said, impressively: 

II Suffering stranger, proceed at your peril. You 
see in me the melancholy wreck of a once stalwart 
and magnificent manhood. What has brought me 
to this? That thing which you are about to tell. 
Gradually, but surely, that tiresome old anecdote has 
sapped my strength, undermined my constitution, 
withered my life. Pity my helplessness. Spare me 
only just this once, and tell me about young George 
Washington and his little hatchet for a change." 

We were saved. But not so the invalid. In 
trying to retain the anecdote in his system he 
strained himself and died in our arms. 

I am aware, now, that I ought not to have asked 
of the sturdiest citizen of all that region, what I 
asked of that mere shadow of a man; for, after 
seven years' residence on the Pacific coast, I know 
that no passenger or driver on the Overland ever 
corked that anecdote in, when a stranger was by, 
and survived. Within a period of six years I 
crossed and recrossed the Sierras between Nevada 
and California thirteen times by stage and listened 
to that deathless incident four hundred and eighty- 
one or eighty- two times. I have the list some- 



166 Roughing It 

where. Drivers always told it, conductors told it, 
landlords told it, chance passengers told it, the very 
Chinamen and vagrant Indians recounted it. I have 
had the same driver tell it to me two or three times 
in the same afternoon. It has come to me in all 
the multitude of tongues that Babel bequeathed to 
earth, and flavored with whisky, brandy, beer, 
cologne, sozodont, tobacco, garlic, onions, grass- 
hoppers — everything that has a fragrance to it 
through all the long list of things that are gorged or 
guzzled by the sons of men. I never have smelt 
any anecdote as often as I have smelt that one; 
never have smelt any anecdote that smelt so 
variegated as that one. And you never could learn 
to know it by its smell, because every time you 
thought you had learned the smell of it, it would 
turn up with a different smell. Bayard Taylor has 
written about this hoary anecdote, Richardson has 
published it; so have Jones, Smith, Johnson, Ross 
Browne, and every other correspondence-inditing 
being that ever set his foot upon the great overland 
road anywhere between Julesburg and San Fran- 
cisco; and I have heard that it is in the Talmud. I 
have seen it in print in nine different foreign lan- 
guages ; I have been told that it is employed in the 
inquisition in Rome; and I now learn with regret 
that it is going to be set to music. I do not think 
that such things are right. 

Stage-coaching on the Overland is no more, and 
stage drivers are a race defunct. I wonder if they 



Roughing It 167 

bequeathed that bald-headed anecdote to their suc- 
cessors, the railroad brakemen and conductors, and 
if these latter still persecute the helpless passenger 
with it until he concludes, as did many a tourist of 
other days, that the real grandeurs of the Pacific 
coast are not Yo Semite and the Big Trees, but 
Hank Monk and his adventure with Horace 
Greeley.* 



* And what makes that worn anecdote the more aggravating, is, that 
the adventure it celebrates never occurred. If it were a good anecdote, 
that seeming demerit would be its chiefest virtue, for creative power be- 
longs to greatness ; but what ought to be done to a man who would 
wantonly contrive so flat a one as this ? If / were to suggest what 
ought to be done to him, I should be called extravagant — but what does 
the sixteenth chapter of Daniel say ? Aha I 



CHAPTER XXI. 

WE were approaching the end of our l®ng jour- 
ney. It was the morning of the twentieth 
day. At noon we would reach Carson City, the 
capital of Nevada Territory. We were not glad, but 
sorry. It had been a fine pleasure trip ; we had fed 
fat on wonders every day ; we were now well accus- 
tomed to stage life, and very fond of it; so the idea 
of coming to a standstill and settling down to a hum- 
drum existence in a village was not agreeable, but 
on the contrary depressing. 

Visibly our new home was a desert, walled in by 
barren, snow-clad mountains. There was not a tree 
in sight. There was no vegetation but the endless 
sage-brush and greasewood. All nature was gray 
with it. We were ploughing through great deeps of 
powdery alkali dust that rose in thick clouds and 
floated across the plain like smoke from a burning 
house. We were coated with it like millers ; so were 
the coach, the mules, the mail-bags, the driver — 
we and the sage-brush and the other scenery were all 
one monotonous color. Long trains of freight wagons 
in the distance enveloped in ascending masses of dust 

(168) 



Roughing It 169 

suggested pictures of prairies on fire. These teams 
and their masters were the only life we saw. Other- 
wise we moved in the midst of solitude, silence, and 
desolation. Every twenty steps we passed the skele- 
ton of some dead beast of burthen, with its dust- 
coated skin stretched tightly over its empty ribs. 
Frequently a solemn raven sat upon the skull or the 
hips and contemplated the passing coach with medi- 
tative serenity. 

By and by Carson City was pointed out to us. It 
nestled in the edge of a great plain and was a suf- 
ficient number of miles away to look like an assem- 
blage of mere white spots in the shadow of a grim 
range of mountains overlooking it, whose summits 
seemed lifted clear out of companionship and con- 
sciousness of earthly things. 

We arrived, disembarked, and the stage went on. 
It was a 4 ' wooden ' ' town ; its population two 
thousand souls. The main street consisted of four 
or five blocks of little white frame stores which were 
too high to sit down on, but not too high for vari- 
ous other purposes; in fact, hardly high enough. 
They were packed close together, side by side, as if 
room were scarce in that mighty plain. The side- 
walk was of boards that were more or less loose and 
inclined to rattle when walked upon. In the mid- 
dle of the town, opposite the stores, was the 
1 ' plaza ' ' which is native to all towns beyond the 
Rocky Mountains — a large, unfenced, level vacancy, 
with a liberty pole in it, and very useful as a place 



170 Roughing It 

for public auctions, horse trades, and mass meetings, 
and likewise for teamsters to camp in. Two other 
sides of the plaza were faced by stores, offices, and 
stables. The rest of Carson City was pretty scat- 
tering. 

We were introduced to several citizens, at the 
stage-office and on the way up to the Governor's 
from the hotel — among others, to a Mr. Harris, 
who was on horseback; he began to say something, 
but interrupted himself with the remark : 

"I'll have to get you to excuse me a minute; 
yonder is the witness that swore I helped to rob the 
California coach — a piece of impertinent intermed- 
dling, sir, for I am not even acquainted with the man.' ' 

Then he rode over and began to rebuke the 
stranger with a six-shooter, and the stranger began 
to explain with another. When the pistols were 
emptied, the stranger resumed his work (mending a 
whip-lash) , and Mr. Harris rode by with a polite 
nod, homeward bound, with a bullet through one of 
his lungs, and several through his hips ; and from 
them issued little rivulets of blood that coursed down 
the horse's sides and made the animal look quite 
picturesque. I never saw Harris shoot a man after 
that but it recalled to mind that first day in Carson. 

This was all we saw that day, for it was two 
o'clock, now, and according to custom the daily 
"Washoe Zephyr" set in; a soaring dust-drift 
about the size of the United States set up edgewise 
came with it, and the capital of Nevada Territory 



Roughing It 171 

disappeared from view. Still, there were sights to 
be seen which were not wholly uninteresting to new 
comers ; for the vast dust cloud was thickly freckled 
with things strange to the upper air — things living 
and dead, that flitted hither and thither, going and 
coming, appearing and disappearing among the roll- 
ing billows of dust — hats, chickens, and parasols 
sailing in the remote heavens; blankets, tin signs, 
sage-brush, and shingles a shade lower; door-mats 
and buffalo robes lower still ; shovels and coal scut- 
tles on the next grade; glass doors, cats, and little 
children on the next; disrupted lumber yards, light 
buggies, and wheelbarrows on the next; and down 
only thirty or forty feet above ground was a scurry- 
ing storm of emigrating roofs and vacant lots. 

It was something to see that much. I could have 
seen more, if I could have kept the dust out of my eyes. 

But, seriously, a Washoe wind is by no means a 
trifling matter. It blows flimsy houses down, lifts 
shingle roofs occasionally, rolls up tin ones like sheet 
music, now and then blows a stage coach over and 
spills the passengers ; and tradition says the reason 
there are so many bald people there, is, that the 
wind blows the hair off their heads while they are 
looking skyward after their hats. Carson streets 
seldom look inactive on summer afternoons, because 
there are so many citizens skipping around their 
escaping hats, like chambermaids trying to head off 
a spider. 

The ' ' Washoe Zephyr ' ' (Washoe is a pet nick- 



172 Roughing It 

name for Nevada) is a peculiarly Scriptural wind, in 
that no man knoweth "whence it cometh." That 
is to say, where it originates. It comes right over 
the mountains from the West, but when one crosses 
the ridge he does not find any of it on the other 
side ! It probably is manufactured on the mountain 
top for the occasion, and starts from there. It is a 
pretty regular wind, in the summer time. Its office 
hours are from two in the afternoon till two the next 
morning; and anybody venturing abroad during 
those twelve hours needs to allow for the wind or he 
will bring up a mile or two to leeward of the point 
he is aiming at. And yet the first complaint a 
Washoe visitor to San Francisco makes, is that the 
sea winds blow so, there! There is a good deal of 
human nature in that. 

We found the state palace of the Governor of 
Nevada Territory to consist of a white frame one- 
story house with two small rooms in it and a stan- 
chion supported shed in front — for grandeur — it 
compelled the respect of the citizen and inspired the 
Indians with awe. The newly-arrived Chief and Asso- 
ciate Justices of the Territory, and other machinery 
of the government, were domiciled with less splendor. 
They were boarding around privately, and had their 
offices in their bedrooms. 

The Secretary and I took quarters in the M ranch " 
of a worthy French lady by the name of Bridget 
O'Flannigan, a camp follower of his Excellency the 
Governor. She had known him in his prosperity as 



Roughing It 173 

commander-in-chief of the Metropolitan Police of 
New York, and she would not desert him in his 
adversity as Governor of Nevada. Our room was on 
the lower floor, facing the plaza ; and when we had 
got our bed, a small table, two chairs, the govern- 
ment fire-proof safe, and the Unabridged Dictionary 
into it, there was still room enough left for a visitor 

— maybe two, but not without straining the walls. 
But the walls could stand it — at least the partitions 
could, for they consisted simply of one thickness of 
white "cotton domestic" stretched from corner to 
corner of the room. This was the rule in Carson — 
any other kind of partition was the rare exception. 
And if you stood in a dark room and your neigh- 
bors in the next had lights, the shadows on your 
canvas told queer secrets sometimes ! Very often 
these partitions were made of old flour sacks basted 
together; and then the difference between the com- 
mon herd and the aristocracy was, that the common 
herd had unornamented sacks, while the walls of the 
aristocrat were overpowering with rudimental fresco 

— i. e., red and blue mill brands on the flour sacks. 
Occasionally, also, the better classes embellished 
their canvas by pasting pictures from Harper's 
Weekly on them. In many cases, too, the wealthy 
and the cultured rose to spittoons and other evi- 
dences of a sumptuous and luxurious taste.* We 

* Washoe people take a joke so hard that I must explain that the 
above description was only the rule ; there were many honorable ex- 
ceptions in Carson — plastered ceilings and houses that had considerable 
furniture in them. — M. T\ 



174 Roughing It 

had a carpet and a genuine queen 's-ware washbowl. 
Consequently we were hated without reserve by the 
other tenants of the O'Flannigan " ranch." When 
we added a painted oilcloth window curtain, we 
simply took our lives into our own hands. To pre- 
vent bloodshed I removed up stairs and took up 
quarters with the untitled plebeians in one of the 
fourteen white pine cot-bedsteads that stood in two 
long ranks in the one sole room of which the second 
story consisted. 

It was a jolly company, the fourteen. They were 
principally voluntary camp-followers of the Governor, 
who had joined his retinue by their own election at 
New York and San Francisco, and came along, feel- 
ing that in the scuffle for little territorial crumbs and 
offices they could not make their condition more pre- 
carious than it was, and might reasonably expect to 
make it better. They were popularly known as the 
"Irish Brigade," though there were only four or 
five Irishmen among all the Governor's retainers. 
His good-natured Excellency was much annoyed at 
the gossip his henchmen created — especially when 
there arose a rumor that they were paid assassins of 
his, brought along to quietly reduce the democratic 
vote when desirable ! 

Mrs. O'Flannigan was boarding and lodging them 
at ten dollars a week apiece, and they were cheer- 
fully giving their notes for it. They were perfectly 
satisfied, but Bridget presently found that notes that 
could not be discounted were but a feeble constitu- 



Roughing It 175 

tion for a Carson boarding-house. So she began to 
harry the Governor to find employment for the 
"Brigade." Her importunities and theirs together 
drove him to a gentle desperation at last, and he 
finally summoned the Brigade to the presence. 
Then, said he: 

" Gentlemen, I have planned a lucrative and use- 
ful service for you — a service which will provide 
you with recreation amid noble landscapes, and afford 
you never-ceasing opportunities for enriching your 
minds by observation and study. I want you to sur- 
vey a railroad from Carson City westward to a certain 
point ! When the legislature meets I will have the 
necessary bill passed and the remuneration arranged. ' ' 

11 What, a railroad over the Sierra Nevada Moun- 
tains?" 

"Well, then, survey it eastward to a certain 
point!" 

He converted them into surveyors, chain-bearers, 
and so on, and turned them loose in the desert. It 
was "recreation" with a vengeance! Recreation 
on foot, lugging chains through sand and sage-brush, 
under a sultry sun and among cattle bones, cayotes, 
and tarantulas. "Romantic adventure" could go 
no further. They surveyed very slowly, very de- 
liberately, very carefully. They returned every 
night during the first week, dusty, footsore, tired, 
and hungry, but very jolly. They brought in great 
store of prodigious hairy spiders — tarantulas — and 
imprisoned them in covered tumblers up stairs in the 



176 Roughing it 

" ranch." After the first week, they had to camp 
on the field, for they were getting well eastward. 
They made a good many inquiries as to the location 
of that indefinite "certain point," but got no in- 
formation. At last, to a peculiarly urgent inquiry 
of " How far eastward?" Governor Nye telegraphed 
back: 

"To the Atlantic Ocean, blast you! — and then 
bridge it and go on !" 

This brought back the dusty toilers, who sent in a 
report and ceased from their labors. The Governor 
was always comfortable about it; he said Mrs. 
O'Flannigan would hold him for the Brigade's 
board anyhow, and he intended to get what enter- 
tainment he could out of the boys; he said, with his 
old-time pleasant twinkle, that he meant to survey 
them into Utah and then telegraph Brigham to hang 
them for trespass ! 

The surveyors brought back more tarantulas with 
them, and so we had quite a menagerie arranged 
along the shelves of the room. Some of these 
spiders could straddle over a common saucer with 
their hairy, muscular legs, and when their feelings 
were hurt, or their dignity offended, they were the 
wickedest-looking desperadoes the animal world can 
furnish. If their glass prison-houses were touched 
ever so lightly they were up and spoiling for a fight 
in a minute. Starchy? — proud? Indeed, they 
would take up a straw and pick their teeth like a 
member of Congress. There was as usual a furious 



Roughing It 177 

"zephyr" blowing the first night of the Brigade's 
return, and about midnight the roof of an adjoining 
stable blew off, and a corner of it came crashing 
through the side of our ranch. There was a simul- 
taneous awakening, and a tumultuous muster of the 
Brigade in the dark, and a general tumbling and 
sprawling over each other in the narrow aisle be- 
tween the bed-rows. In the midst of the turmoil, 

Bob H sprung up out of a sound sleep, and 

knocked down a shelf with his head. Instantly he 
shouted : 

11 Turn out, boys — the tarantulas is loose!" 
No warning ever sounded so dreadful. Nobody 
tried, any longer, to leave the room, lest he might 
step on a tarantula. Every man groped for a 
trunk or a bed, and jumped on it, Then followed 
the strangest silence — a silence of grisly suspense it 
was, too — waiting, expectancy, fear. It was as 
dark as pitch, and one had to imagine the spectacle 
of those fourteen scant-clad men roosting gingerly 
on trunks and beds, for not a thing could be seen. 
Then came occasional little interruptions of the 
silence, and one could recognize a man and tell his 
locality by his voice, or locate any other sound a 
sufferer made by his gropings or changes of posi- 
tion. The occasional voices were not given to much 
speaking — you simply heard a gentle ejaculation of 
"Ow!" followed by a solid thump, and you knew 
the gentleman had felt a hairy blanket or something 
touch his bare skin and had skipped from a bed to 
12. 



178 Roughing It 

the floor. Another silence. Presently you would 
hear a gasping voice say : 

" Su-su-something's crawling up the back of my 
neck!" 

Every now and then you could hear a little sub- 
dued scramble and a sorrowful " O Lord I" and then 
^ou knew that somebody was getting away from 
something he took for a tarantula, and not losing 
any time about it, either. Directly a voice in the 
corner rang out wild and clear: 

"I've got him! I've got him!" [Pause, and 
probable change of circumstances.] " No, he's got 
me ! Oh, ain't they never going to fetch a lantern ! ' ' 

The lantern came at that moment, in the hands of 
Mrs. O'Flannigan, whose anxiety to know the 
amount of damage done by the assaulting roof had 
not prevented her waiting a judicious interval, after 
getting out of bed and lighting up, to see if the wind 
was done, now, up stairs, or had a larger contract. 

The landscape presented when the lantern flashed 
into the room was picturesque, and might have been 
funny to some people, but was not to us. Although 
we were perched so strangely upon boxes, trunks 
and beds, and so strangely attired, too, we were too 
earnestly distressed and too genuinely miserable to 
see any fun about it, and there was not the sem- 
blance of a smile anywhere visible. I know I am 
not capable of suffering more than I did during those 
few minutes of suspense in the dark, surrounded by 
those creeping, bloody-minded tarantulas. I had 



Roughing It 179 

skipped from bed to bed and from box to box in a 
cold agony, and every time I touched anything that 
was fuzzy I fancied I felt the fangs. I had rather 
go to war than live that episode over again. No- 
body was hurt. The man who thought a tarantula 
had ' ' got him ' ' was mistaken — only a crack in a 
box had caught his finger. Not one of those es- 
caped tarantulas was ever seen again. There were 
ten or twelve of them. We took candles and hunted 
the place high and low for them, but with no suc- 
cess. Did we go back to bed then? We did noth- 
ing of the kind. Money could not have persuaded 
us to do it. We sat up the rest of the night play- 
ing cribbage and keeping a sharp lookout for the 
enemy. 



i*« 



CHAPTER XXII. 

IT was the end of August, and the skies were cloud- 
less and the weather superb. In two or three 
weeks I had grown wonderfully fascinated with the 
curious new country, and concluded to put off my 
return to "the States" awhile. I had grown well 
accustomed to wearing a damaged slouch hat, blue 
woolen shirt, and pants crammed into boot-tops, and 
gloried in the absence of coat, vest, and braces. I 
felt rowdyish and "bully," (as the historian 
Josephus phrases it, in his fine chapter upon the de- 
struction of the Temple). It seemed to me that 
nothing could be so fine and so romantic. I had be- 
come an officer of the government, but that was for 
mere sublimity. The office was an unique sinecure. 
I had nothing to do and no salary. I was private 
secretary to his majesty the Secretary, and there was 
not yet writing enough for two of us. So Johnny 

K and I devoted our time to amusement. He 

was the young son of an Ohio nabob and was out 
there for recreation. He got it. We had heard a 
world of talk about the marvelous beauty of Lake 
Tahoe, and finally curiosity drove us thither to see 

(i8oj 



Roughing It 181 

it. Three or four members of the Brigade had been 
there and located some timber lands on its shores and 
stored up a quantity of provisions in their camp. 
We strapped a couple of blankets on our shoulders 
and took an axe apiece and started — for we in- 
tended to take up a wood ranch or so ourselves and 
become wealthy. We were on foot. The reader 
will find it advantageous to go horseback. We were 
told that the distance was eleven miles. We 
tramped a long time on level ground, and then toiled 
laboriously up a mountain about a thousand miles 
high and looked over. No lake there. We de- 
scended on the other side, crossed the valley and 
toiled up another mountain three or four thousand 
miles high, apparently, and looked over again. No 
lake yet. We sat down tired and perspiring, and 
hired a couple of Chinamen to curse those people 
who had beguiled us. Thus refreshed, we presently 
resumed the march with renewed vigor and deter- 
mination. We plodded on, two or three hours 
longer, and at last the Lake burst upon us — a noble 
sheet of blue water lifted six thousand three hun- 
dred feet above the level of the sea, and walled in by 
a rim of snow-clad mountain peaks that towered 
aloft full three thousand feet higher still ! It was a 
vast oval, and one would have to use up eighty or a 
hundred good miles in traveling around it. As it lay 
there with the shadows of the mountains brilliantly 
photographed upon its still surface I thought it must 
surely be the fairest picture the whole earth affords. 



182 Roughing It 

We found the small skiff belonging to the Brigade 
boys, and without loss of time set out across a deep 
bend of the lake toward the landmarks that signified 
the locality of the camp. I got Johnny to row — 
not because I mind exertion myself, but because it 
makes me sick to ride backwards when I am at work. 
But I steered. A three-mile pull brought us to 
the camp just as the night fell, and we stepped 
ashore very tired and wolfishly hungry. In a 
11 cache " among the rocks we found the provisions 
and the cooking utensils, and then, all fatigued as I 
was, I sat down on a boulder and superintended 
while Johnny gathered wood and cooked supper. 
Many a man who had gone through what I had, 
would have wanted to rest. 

It was a delicious supper — hot bread, fried bacon, 
and black coffee. It was a delicious solitude we 
were in, too. Three miles away was a saw-mill and 
some workmen, but there were not fifteen other 
human beings throughout the wide circumference of 
the lake. As the darkness closed down and the 
stars came out and spangled the great mirror with 
jewels, we smoked meditatively in the solemn hush 
and forgot our troubles and our pains. In due time 
we spread our blankets in the warm sand between 
two large boulders and soon fell asleep, careless of 
the procession of ants that passed in through rents 
in our clothing and explored our persons. Nothing 
could disturb the sleep that fettered us, for it had 
been fairly earned, and if our consciences had any 



Roughing It I83 

sins on them they had to adjourn court for that 
night, any way. The wind rose just as we were los- 
ing consciousness, and we were lulled to sleep by the 
beating of the surf upon the shore. 

It is always very cold on that lake shore in the 
night, but we had plenty of blankets and were warm 
enough. We never moved a muscle all night, but 
waked at early dawn in the original positions, and 
got up at once, thoroughly refreshed, free from sore- 
ness, and brim full of friskiness. There is no end of 
wholesome medicine in such an experience. That 
morning we could have whipped ten such people as 
we were the day before — sick ones at any rate. 
But the world is slow, and people will go to ' * water 
cures ' ' and ■ ' movement cures ' ' and to foreign lands 
for health. Three months of camp life on Lake 
Tahoe would restore an Egyptian mummy to his 
pristine vigor, and give him an appetite like an alli- 
gator. I do not mean the oldest and driest mum- 
mies, of course, but the fresher ones. The air up 
there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing 
and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? — it is 
the same the angels breathe. I think that hardly 
any amount of fatigue can be gathered together 
that a man cannot sleep off in one night on the sand 
by its side. Not under a roof, but under the sky; 
it seldom or never rains there in the summer time. 
I know a man who went there to die. But he made 
a failure of it. He was a skeleton when he came, 
and could barely stand. He had no appetite, and 



184 Roughing It 

did nothing but read tracts and reflect on the future. 
Three months later he was sleeping out of doors 
regularly, eating all he could hold, three times a day, 
and chasing game over mountains three thousand 
feet high for recreation. And he was a skeleton no 
longer, but weighed part of a ton. This is no fancy 
sketch, but the truth. His disease was consump- 
tion. I confidently commend his experience to 
other skeletons. 

I superintended again, and as soon as we had 
eaten breakfast we got in the boat and skirted along 
the lake shore about three miles and disembarked. 
We liked the appearance of the place, and so we 
claimed some three hundred acres of it and stuck our 
" notices "on a tree. It was yellow pine timber land 
— ■ a dense forest of trees a hundred feet high and 
from one to five feet through at the butt. It was 
necessary to fence our property or we could not 
hold it. That is to say, it was necessary to cut 
down trees here and there and make them fall in 
such a way as to form a sort of enclosure (with pretty 
wide gaps in it). We cut down three trees apiece, 
and found it such heart-breaking work that we de- 
cided to ' ' rest our case ' ' on those ; if they held the 
property, well and good; if they didn't, let the 
property spill out through the gaps and go ; it was 
no use to work ourselves to death merely to save a 
few acres of land. Next day we came back to build 
a house — for a house was also necessary, in order 
to hold the property. We decided to build a sub- 



Roughing It 185 

stantial log-house and excite the envy of the Brigade 
boys ; but by the time we had cut and trimmed the 
first log it seemed unnecessary to be so elaborate, 
and so we concluded to build it of saplings. How- 
ever, two saplings, duly cut and trimmed, compelled 
recognition, of the fact that a still modester architec- 
ture would satisfy the law, and so we concluded to 
build a " brush " house. We devoted the next day 
to this work, but we did so much " sitting around " 
and discussing, that by the middle of the afternoon 
we had achieved only a half-way sort of affair which 
one of us had to watch while the other cut brush, 
lest if both turned our backs we might not be able 
to find it again, it had such a strong family re- 
semblance to the surrounding vegetation. But we 
were satisfied with it. 

We were land owners now, duly seized and pos- 
sessed, and within the protection of the law. There- 
fore we decided to take up our residence on our own 
domain and enjoy that large sense of independence 
which only such an experience can bring. Late the 
next afternoon, after a good long rest, we sailed 
away from the Brigade camp with all the provisions 
and cooking utensils we could carry off — borrow is 
the more accurate word — and just as the night was 
Calling we beached the boat at our own landing. 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

IF there is any life that is happier than the life we led 
on our timber ranch for the next two or three weeks, 
it must be a sort of life which I have not read of in 
books or experienced in person. We did not see a 
human being but ourselves during the time, or hear 
any sounds but those that were made by the wind 
and the waves, the sighing of the pines, and now and 
then the far-off thunder of an avalanche. The forest 
about us was dense and cool, the sky above us was 
cloudless and brilliant with sunshine, the broad lake 
before us was glassy and clear, or rippled and breezy, 
or black and storm-tossed, according to Nature's 
mood; and its circling border of mountain domes, 
clothed with forests, scarred with landslides, cloven 
by canyons and valleys, and helmeted with glittering 
snow, fitly framed and finished the noble picture. 
The view was always fascinating, bewitching, entranc- 
ing. The eye was never tired of gazing, night or 
day, in calm or storm ; it suffered but one grief, and 
that was that it could not look always, but must 
close sometimes in sleep. 

(186) 



Roughing It 187 

We slept in the sand close to the water's edge, be- 
tween two protecting boulders, which took care of the 
stormy night-winds for us. We never took any pare- 
goric to make us sleep. At the first break of dawn 
we were always up and running foot-races to tone 
down excess of physical vigor and exuberance of 
spirits. That is, Johnny was — but I held his hat. 
While smoking the pipe of peace after breakfast we 
watched the sentinel peaks put on the glory of the 
sun, and followed the conquering light as it swept 
down among the shadows, and set the captive crags 
and forests free. We watched the tinted pictures 
grow and brighten upon the water till every little de- 
tail of forest, precipice, and pinnacle was wrought in 
and finished, and the miracle of the enchanter com- 
plete. Then to "business." 

That is, drifting around in the boat. We were on 
the north shore. There, the rocks on the bottom 
are sometimes gray, sometimes white. This gives 
the marvelous transparency of the water a fuller ad- 
vantage than it has elsewhere on the lake. We 
usually pushed out a hundred yards or so from the 
shore, and then lay down on the thwarts in the sun, 
and let the boat drift by the hour whither it would. 
We seldom talked. It interrupted the Sabbath still- 
ness, and marred the dreams the luxurious rest and 
indolence brought. The shore all along was in- 
dented with deep, curved bays and coves, bordered 
by narrow sand-beaches ; and where the sand ended, 
the steep mountain-sides rose right up aloft into 



188 Roughing It 

space — rose up like a vast wall a little out of the 
perpendicular, and thickly wooded with tall pines. 

So singularly clear was the water, that where it 
was only twenty or thirty feet deep the bottom was 
so perfectly distinct that the boat seemed floating in 
the air! Yes, where it was even eighty feet deep. 
Every little pebble was distinct, every speckled trout, 
every hand's-breadth of sand. Often, as we lay on 
our faces, a granite boulder, as large as a village 
church, would start out of the bottom apparently, 
and seem climbing up rapidly to the surface, till pres- 
ently it threatened to touch our faces, and we could 
not resist the impulse to seize an oar and avert the 
danger. But the boat would float on, and the boulder 
descend again, and then we could see that when we 
had been exactly above it, it must still have been 
twenty or thirty feet below the surface. Down 
through the transparency of these great depths, the 
water was not merely transparent, but dazzlingly, 
brilliantly so. All objects seen through it had a 
bright, strong vividness, not only of outline, but of 
every minute detail, which they would not have had 
when seen simply through the same depth of atmos- 
phere. So empty and airy did all spaces seem 
below us, and so strong was the sense of floating 
high aloft in mid-nothingness, that we called these 
boat-excursions " balloon-voyages." 

We fished a good deal, but we did not average one 
fish a week. We could see trout by the thousand 
winging about in the emptiness under us, or sleeping 



Roughing It I89 

in shoals on the bottom, but they would not bite — ■ 
they could see the line too plainly, perhaps. We 
frequently selected the trout we wanted, and rested 
the bait patiently and persistently on the end of his 
nose at a depth of eighty feet, but he would only 
shake it off with an annoyed manner, and shift his 
position. 

We bathed occasionally, but the water was rather 
chilly, for all it looked so sunny. Sometimes we 
rowed out to the " blue water," a mile or two from 
shore. It was as dead blue as indigo there, because 
of the immense depth. By official measurement, 
the lake in its center is one thousand five hundred 
and twenty-five feet deep ! 

Sometimes, on lazy afternoons, we lolled on the 
sand in camp, and smoked pipes and read some old 
well-worn novels. At night, by the camp-fire, we 
played euchre and seven-up to strengthen the mind 
— and played them with cards so greasy and defaced 
that only a whole summer's acquaintance with them 
could enable the student to tell the ace of clubs from 
the jack of diamonds. 

We never slept in our " house.' ' It never oc- 
curred to us, for one thing; and besides, it was built 
to hold the ground, and that was enough. We did 
not wish to strain it. 

By and by our provisions began to run short, 
and we went back to the old camp and laid in a 
new supply. We were gone all day, and reached 
home again about nightfall, pretty tired and hungry. 



190 Roughing It 

While Johnny was carrying the main bulk of the 
provisions up to our " house " for future use, I took 
the loaf of bread, some slices of bacon, and the 
coffee-pot, ashore, set them down by a tree, lit a 
fire, and went back to the boat to get the frying-pan. 
While I was at this, I heard a shout from Johnny, 
and looking up I saw that my fire was galloping all 
over the premises ! 

Johnny was on the other side of it. He had to 
run through the flames to get to the lake shore, and 
then we stood helpless and watched the devastation. 

The ground was deeply carpeted with dry pine- 
needles, and the fire touched them off as if they were 
gunpowder. It was wonderful to see with what fierce 
speed the tall sheet of flame traveled ! My coffee- 
pot was gone, and everything with it. In a minute 
and a half the fire seized upon a dense growth of dry 
manzanita chapparal six or eight feet high, and then 
the roaring and popping and crackling was some- 
thing terrific. We were driven to the boat by the 
intense heat, and there we remained, spell-bound. 

Within half an hour all before us was a tossing, 
blinding tempest of flame ! It went surging up ad- 
jacent ridges — surmounted them and disappeared in 
the canyons beyond — burst into view upon higher 
and farther ridges, presently — shed a grander 
illumination abroad, and dove again — flamed out 
again, directly, higher and still higher up the moun- 
tain-side — threw out skirmishing parties of fire here 
and there, and sent them trailing their crimson 



Roughing It 191 

spirals away among remote ramparts and ribs and 
gorges, till as far as the eye could reach the lofty 
mountain-fronts were webbed as it were with a 
tangled network of red lava streams. Away across 
the water the crags and domes were lit with a ruddy 
glare, and the firmament above was a reflected hell ! 

Every feature of the spectacle was repeated in the 
glowing mirror of the lake ! Both pictures were 
sublime, both were beautiful ; but that in the lake 
had a bewildering richness about it that enchanted 
the eye and held it with the stronger fascination. 

We sat absorbed and motionless through four long 
hours. We never thought of supper, and never felt 
fatigue. But at eleven o'clock the conflagration had 
traveled beyond our range of vision, and then dark- 
ness stole down upon the landscape again. 

Hunger asserted itself now, but there was nothing 
to eat. The provisions were all cooked, no doubt, 
but we did not go to see. We were homeless 
wanderers again, without any property. Our fence 
was gone, our house burned down; no insurance. 
Our pine forest was well scorched, the dead trees all 
burned up, and our broad acres of manzanita swept 
away. Our blankets were on our usual sand-bed, 
however, and so we lay down and went to sleep. 
The next morning we started back to the old camp, 
but while out a long way from shore, so great a storm 
came up that we dared not try to land. So I bailed 
out the seas we shipped, and Johnny pulled heavily 
through the billows till we had reached a point three 



192 Roughing It 

or four miles beyond the camp. The storm was in- 
creasing, and it became evident that it was better to 
take the hazard of beaching the boat than go down 
in a hundred fathoms of water; so we ran in, with 
tall white-caps following, and I sat down in the stern- 
sheets and pointed her head-on to the shore. The 
instant the bow struck, a wave came over the stern 
that washed crew and cargo ashore, and saved a deal 
of trouble. We shivered in the lee of a boulder all 
the rest of the day, and froze all the night through. 
In the morning the tempest had gone down, and we 
paddled down to the camp without any unnecessary 
delay. We were so starved that we ate up the rest 
of the Brigade's provisions, and then set out to Car- 
son to tell them about it and ask their forgiveness. 
It was accorded, upon payment of damages. 

We made many trips to the lake after that, and 
had many a hair-breadth escape and blood-curdling 
adventure which will never be recorded of any 
history. 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

I RESOLVED to have a horse to ride. I had never 
seen such wild, free, magnificent horsemanship 
outside of a circus as these picturesquely-clad Mexi- 
cans, Californians, and Mexicanized Americans dis- 
played in Carson streets every day. How they 
rode ! Leaning just gently forward out of the per- 
pendicular, easy and nonchalant, with broad slouch- 
hat brim blown square up in front, and long riata 
swinging above the head, they swept through the 
town like the wind ! The next minute they were 
only a sailing puff of dust on the far desert. If 
they trotted, they sat up gallantly and gracefully, 
and seemed part of the horse ; did not go jiggering 
up and down after the silly Miss-Nancy fashion of 
the riding-schools. I had quickly learned to tell a 
horse from a cow, and was full of anxiety to learn 
more. I was resolved to buy a horse. 

While the thought was rankling in my mind, the 
auctioneer came scurrying through the plaza on a 
black beast that had as many humps and corners on 
him as a dromedary, and was necessarily uncomely; 
but he was ' ' going, going, at twenty-two ! — horse, 
13 # (193) 



194 Roughing It 

saddle and bridle at twenty-two dollars, gentle- 
men !" and I could hardly resist. 

A man whom I did not know (he turned out to 
be the auctioneer's brother) noticed the wistful look in 
my eye, and observed that that was a very remarkable 
horse to be going at such a price ; and added that 
the saddle alone was worth the money. It was a 
Spanish saddle, with ponderous tapidaros, and 
furnished with the ungainly sole-leather covering 
with the unspellable name. I said I had half a 
notion to bid. Then this keen-eyed person appeared 
to me to be " taking my measure" ; but I dismissed 
the suspicion when he spoke, for his manner was 
full of guileless candor and truthfulness. Said he: 

" I know that horse — know him well. You are a 
stranger, I take it, and so you might think he was 
an American horse, maybe, but I assure you he is 
not. He is nothing of the kind; but — excuse my 
speaking in a low voice, other people being near — 
he is, without the shadow of a doubt, a Genuine 
Mexican Plug!" 

I did not know what a Genuine Mexican Plug was, 
but there was something about this man's way of 
saying it, that made me swear inwardly that I would 
own a Genuine Mexican Plug, or die. 

"Has he any other — er— advantages?" I in- 
quired, suppressing what eagerness I could. 

He hooked his forefinger in the pocket of my 
army-shirt, led me to one side, and breathed in my 
ear impressively these words : 



Roughing It 195 

" He can out-buck anything in America !" 

"Going, going, going — at twent-ty-loux dollars 
and a half , gen — " "Twenty-seven!" I shouted, 
in a frenzy. 

4 * And sold ! ' ' said the auctioneer, and passed 
over the Genuine Mexican Plug to me. 

I could scarcely contain my exultation. I paid 
the money, and put the animal in a neighboring 
livery-stable to dine and rest himself. 

In the afternoon I brought the creature into the 
plaza, and certain citizens held him by the head, and 
others by the tail, while I mounted him. As soon 
as they let go, he placed all his feet in a bunch 
together, lowered his back, and then suddenly 
arched it upward, and shot me straight into the air a 
matter of three or four feet ! I came as straight down 
again, lit in the saddle, went instantly up again, 
came down almost on the high pommel, shot up 
again, and came down on the horse's neck — all in 
the space of three or four seconds. Then he rose 
and stood almost straight up on his hind feet, and I, 
clasping his lean neck desperately, slid back into 
the saddle, and held on. He came down, and im- 
mediately hoisted his heels into the air, delivering a 
vicious kick at the sky, and stood on his fore feet. 
And then down he came once more, and began the 
original exercise of shooting me straight up again. 

The third time I went up I heard a stranger say: 
' ' Oh, don't he buck, though ! ' ' 

While I was up, somebody struck the horse a 



196 Roughing It 

sounding thwack with a leathern strap, and when I 
arrived again the Genuine Mexican Plug was not 
there. A Californian youth chased him up and 
caught him, and asked if he might have a ride. 
I granted him that luxury. He mounted the Gen- 
uine, got lifted into the air once, but sent his spurs 
home as he descended, and the horse darted away 
like a telegram. He soared over three fences like 
a bird, and disappeared down the road toward the 
Washoe Valley. 

I sat down on a stone with a sigh, and by a natural 
impulse one of my hands sought my forehead, and 
the other the base of my stomach. I believe I never 
appreciated, till then, the poverty of the human ma- 
chinery — for I still needed a hand or two to place 
elsewhere. Pen cannot describe how I was jolted up. 
Imagination cannot conceive how disjointed I was — 
how internally, externally, and universally I was un- 
settled, mixed up, and ruptured. There was a sym- 
pathetic crowd around me, though. 

One elderly-looking comforter said : 

" Stranger, you've been taken in. Everybody in 
this camp knows that horse. Any child, any Injun, 
could have told you that he'd buck; he is the very 
worst devil to buck on the continent of America. 
You hear me. I'm Curry. Old Curry. Old Abe 
Curry. And moreover, he is a simon-pure, out- 
and-out, genuine d — d Mexican plug, and an un- 
common mean one at that, too. Why, you turnip, 
if you had laid low and kept dark, there's chances 



Roughing It 197 

to buy an American horse for mighty little more 
than you paid for that bloody old foreign relic." 

I gave no sign ; but I made up my mind that if the 
auctioneer's brother's funeral took place while I 
was in the Territory I would postpone all other 
recreations and attend it. 

After a gallop of sixteen miles the Californian 
youth and the Genuine Mexican Plug came tearing 
into town again, shedding foam-flakes like the spume- 
spray that drives before a typhoon, and, with one 
final skip over a wheelbarrow and a Chinaman, cast 
anchor in front of the " ranch." 

Such panting and blowing ! Such spreading and 
contracting of the red equine nostrils, and glaring 
of the wild equine eye ! But was the imperial beast 
subjugated? Indeed, he was not. His lordship the 
Speaker of the House thought he was, and mounted 
him to go down to the Capitol ; but the first dash the 
creature made was over a pile of telegraph poles 
half as high as a church ; and his time to the Capi- 
tol — one mile and three-quarters — remains un- 
beaten to this day. But then he took an advantage 
— he left out the mile, and only did the three- 
quarters. That is to say, he made a straight cut 
across lots, preferring fences and ditches to a 
crooked road; and when the Speaker got to the 
Capitol he said he had been in trie air so much he 
felt as if he had made the trip on a comet. 

In the evening the Speaker came home afoot for 
exercise, and got the Genuine towed back behind 



198 Roughing It 

a quartz wagon. The next day I loaned the animal 
to the Clerk of the House to go down to the Dana 
silver mine, six miles, and he walked back for ex- 
ercise, and got the horse towed. Everybody I 
loaned him to always walked back ; they never could 
get enough exercise any other way. Still, I con- 
tinued to loan him to anybody who was willing to 
borrow him, my idea being to get him crippled, and 
throw him on the borrower's hands, or killed, and 
make the borrower pay for him. But somehow 
nothing ever happened to him. He took chances 
that no other horse ever took and survived, but he 
always came out safe. It was his daily habit to try 
experiments that had always before been considered 
impossible, but he always got through. Sometimes 
he miscalculated a little, and did not get his rider 
through intact, but he always got through himself. 
Of course I had tried to sell him ; but that was a 
stretch of simplicity which met with little sympathy. 
The auctioneer stormed up and down the streets on 
him for four days, dispersing the populace, inter- 
rupting business, and destroying children, and never 
got a bid — at least never any but the eighteen- 
dollar one he hired a notoriously substanceless bum- 
mer to make. The people only smiled pleasantly, 
and restrained their desire to buy, if they had any. 
Then the auctioneer brought in his bill, and I with- 
drew the horse from the market. We tried to trade 
nim off at private vendue next, offering him at a 
sacrifice for second-hand tombstones, old iron, tern- 



Roughing It 199 

perance tracts — any kind of property. But holders 
were stiff, and we retired from the market again. I 
never tried to ride the horse any more. Walking 
was good enough exercise for a man like me, that 
had nothing the matter with him except ruptures, 
internal injuries, and such things. Finally I tried to 
give him away. But it was a failure. Parties said 
earthquakes were handy enough on the Pacific coast 
— -they did not wish to own one. As a last resort 
I offered him to the Governor for the use of the 
"Brigade." His face lit up eagerly at first, but 
toned down again, and he said the thing would be 
too palpable. 

Just then the livery stable man brought in his bill 
for six weeks' keeping — stall-room for the horse, 
fifteen dollars; hay for the horse, two hundred and 
fifty ! The Genuine Mexican Plug had eaten a ton 
of the article, and the man said he would have eaten 
a hundred if he had let him. 

I will remark here, in all seriousness, that the 
regular price of hay during that year and a part of 
the next was really two hundred and fifty dollars a 
ton. During a part of the previous year it had sold 
at five hundred a ton, in gold, and during the 
winter before that there was such scarcity of the 
article that in several instances small quantities had 
brought eight hundred dollars a ton in coin ! The 
consequence might be guessed without my telling it : 
people turned their stock loose to starve, and be- 
fore the spring arrived Carson and Eagle Valleys 



200 Roughing It 

were almost literally carpeted with their carcasses ! 
Any old settler there will verify these statements. 

I managed to pay the livery bill, and that same 
day I gave the Genuine Mexican Plug to a passing 
Arkansas emigrant whom fortune delivered into my 
hand. If this ever meets his eye, he will doubtless 
remember the donation. 

Now whoever has had the luck to ride a real 
Mexican plug will recognize the animal depicted in 
this chapter, and hardly consider him exaggerated 
— but the uninitiated will feel justified in regarding 
his portrait as a fancy sketch, perhaps. 



CHAPTER XXV. 

ORIGINALLY, Nevada was a part of Utah and 
was called Carson County ; and a pretty large 
county it was, too. Certain of its valleys produced 
no end of hay, and this attracted small colonies of 
Mormon stock-raisers and farmers to them. A few 
orthodox Americans straggled in from California, 
but no love was lost between the two classes of 
colonists. There was little or no friendly inter- 
course; each party staid to itself. The Mormons 
were largely in the majority, and had the additional 
advantage of being peculiarly under the protection 
of the Mormon government of the Territory. 
Therefore they could afford to be distant, and even 
peremptory toward their neighbors. One of the 
traditions of Carson Valley illustrates the condition 
of things that prevailed at the time I speak of. The 
hired girl of one of the American families was Irish, 
and a Catholic ; yet it was noted with surprise that 
she was the only person outside of the Mormon ring 
who could get favors from the Mormons. She 
asked kindnesses of them often, and always got 
them. It was a mystery to everybody. But one 

(201) 



202 Roughing It 

day as she was passing out at the door, a large bowie 
knife dropped from under her apron, and when her 
mistress asked for an explanation she observed that 
she was going out to ' ' borry a wash-tub from the 
Mormons !" 

In 1858 silver lodes were discovered in "Carson 
County," and then the aspect of things changed, 
Calif ornians began to flock in, and the American 
element was soon in the majority. Allegiance to Brig- 
ham Young and Utah was renounced, and a tem- 
porary Territorial government for ' ' Washoe ' ' was 
instituted by the citizens. Governor Roop was the 
first and only chief magistrate of it. In due course 
of time Congress passed a bill to organize " Nevada 
Territory," and President Lincoln sent out Governor 
Nye to supplant Roop. 

At this time the population of the Territory was 
about twelve or fifteen thousand, and rapidly in- 
creasing. Silver mines were being vigorously de- 
veloped and silver mills erected. Business of all 
kinds was active and prosperous and growing more 
so day by day. 

The people were glad to have a legitimately 
constituted government, but did not particularly 
enjoy having strangers from distant States put in 
authority over them — a sentiment that was natural 
enough. They thought the officials should have 
been chosen from among themselves — from among 
prominent citizens who had earned a right to such 
promotion, and who would be in sympathy with the 



Roughing It 203 

populace and likewise thoroughly acquainted with 
the needs of the Territory. They were right in view- 
ing the matter thus, without doubt. The new 
officers were "emigrants," and that was no title to 
anybody's affection or admiration either. 

The new government was received with consider- 
able coolness. It was not only a foreign intruder, 
but a poor one. It was not even worth plucking 
— except by the smallest of small fry office-seek- 
ers and such.. Everybody knew that Congress had 
appropriated only twenty thousand dollars a year in 
greenbacks for its support — about money enough 
to run a quartz mill a month. And everybody 
knew, also, that the first year's money was still in 
Washington, and that the getting hold of it would 
be a tedious and difficult process. Carson City was 
too wary and too wise to open up a credit account 
with the imported bantling with anything like in- 
decent haste. 

There is something solemnly funny about the 
struggles of a new-born Territorial government to 
get a start in this world. Ours had a trying time of 
it. The Organic Act and the " instructions " from 
the State Department commanded that a legislature 
should be elected at such-and-such a time, and its 
sittings inaugurated at such-and-such a date. It 
was easy to get legislators, even at three dollars a 
day, although board was four dollars and fifty 
cents, for distinction has its charm in Nevada as well 
as elsewhere, and there were plenty of patriotic souls 



204 Roughing It 

out of employment ; but to get a legislative hall for 
them to meet in was another matter altogether. 
Carson blandly declined to give a room rent-free, or 
let one to the government on credit. 

But when Curry heard of the difficulty, he came 
forward, solitary and alone, and shouldered the Ship 
of State over the bar and got her afloat again. I 
refer to " Curry— Old Curry— Old Abe Curry." 
But for him the legislature would have been obliged 
to sit in the desert. He offered his large stone 
building just outside the capital limits, rent-free, and 
it was gladly accepted. Then he built a horse-rail- 
road from town to the capitol, and carried the legis- 
lators gratis. He also furnished pine benches and 
chairs for the legislature, and covered the floors 
with clean saw-dust by way of carpet and spittoon 
combined. But for Curry the government would 
have died in its tender infancy. A canvas partition 
to separate the Senate from the House of Repre- 
sentatives was put up by the Secretary, at a cost of 
three dollars and forty cents, but the United States 
declined to pay for it. Upon being reminded that 
the "instructions" permitted the payment of a 
liberal rent for a legislative hall, and that that money 
was saved to the country by Mr. Curry's generosity, 
the United States said that did not alter the matter, 
and the three dollars and forty cents would be sub- 
tracted from the Secretary's eighteen hundred dol- 
lar salary — and it was! 

The matter of printing was from the beginning an 



Roughing It 205 

interesting feature of the new government's difficul- 
ties. The Secretary was sworn to obey his volume 
of written " instructions," and these commanded 
him to do two certain things without fail, viz. : 

i. Get the House and Senate journals printed; 
and, 

2. For this work, pay one dollar and fifty cents 
per "thousand" for composition, and one dollar 
and fifty cents per 4 ' token ' ' for press-work, in 
greenbacks. 

It was easy to swear to do these two things, but it 
was entirely impossible to do more than one of them. 
When greenbacks had gone down to forty cents on 
the dollar, the prices regularly charged everybody 
by printing establishments were one dollar and fifty 
cents per "thousand" and one dollar and fifty 
cents per "token," in gold. The "instructions" 
commanded that the Secretary regard a paper dollar 
issued by the government as equal to any other dol- 
lar issued by the government. Hence the printing 
of the journals was discontinued. Then the United 
States sternly rebuked the Secretary for disregard- 
ing the "instructions," and warned him to correct 
his ways. Wherefore he got some printing done, 
forwarded the bill to Washington with full exhibits 
of the high prices of things in the Territory, and 
called attention to a printed market report wherein 
it would be observed that even hay was two hundred 
and fifty dollars a ton. The United States re- 
sponded by subtracting the printing-bill from the 



206 Roughing It 

Secretary's suffering salary — and moreover re- 
marked with dense gravity that he would find nothing 
in his "instructions" requiring him to purchase 
hay! 

Nothing in this world is palled in such impene- 
trable obscurity as a U. S. Treasury Comptroller's 
understanding. The very fires of the hereafter could 
get up nothing more than a fitful glimmer in it. 
In the days I speak of he never could be made to 
comprehend why it was that twenty thousand dollars 
would not go as far in Nevada, where all commodi- 
ties ranged at an enormous figure, as it would in the 
other Territories, where exceeding cheapness was 
the rule. He was an officer who looked out for the 
little expenses all the time. The Secretary of the 
Territory kept his office in his bedroom, as I before 
remarked ; and he charged the United States no 
rent, although his "instructions" provided for that 
item, and he could have justly taken advantage of it 
(a thing which I would have done with more than 
lightning promptness if I had been Secretary my- 
self) . But the United States never applauded this 
devotion. Indeed, I think my country was 
ashamed to have so improvident a person in its 
employ. 

Those " instructions " (we used to read a chapter 
from them every morning, as intellectual gymnas- 
tics, and a couple of chapters in Sunday-school every 
Sabbath, for they treated of all subjects under the 
sun and had much valuable religious matter in them 



Roughing It 207 

along with the other statistics) those " instructions " 
commanded that pen-knives, envelopes, pens, and 
writing-paper be furnished the members of the legis- 
lature. So the Secretary made the purchase and the 
distribution. The knives cost three dollars apiece. 
There was one too many, and the Secretary gave it 
to the Clerk of the House of Representatives. The 
United States said the Clerk of the House was not a 
"member" of the legislature, and took that three 
dollars out of the Secretary's salary, as usual. 

White men charged three or four dollars a 
"load" for sawing up stove-wood. The Secretary 
was sagacious enough to know that the United States 
would never pay any such price as that; so he got 
an Indian to saw up a load of office wood at one 
dollar and a half. He made out the usual voucher, 
but signed no name to it — simply appended a note 
explaining that an Indian had done the work, and 
had done it in a very capable and satisfactory way, 
but could not sign the voucher owing to lack of 
ability in the necessary direction. The Secretary 
had to pay that dollar and a half. He thought the 
United States would admire both his economy and 
his honesty in getting the work done at half price 
and not putting a pretended Indian's signature to the 
voucher, but the United States did not see it in that 
light. The United States was too much accustomed 
to employing dollar-and-a-half thieves in all manner 
of official capacities to regard his explanation of the 
voucher as having any foundation in fact. 



208 Roughing It 

But the next time the Indian sawed wood for us 
I taught him to make a cross at the bottom of the 
voucher — it looked like a cross that had been drunk 
a year — and then I "witnessed" it and it went 
through all right. The United States never said a 
word. I was sorry I had not made the voucher for 
a thousand loads of wood instead of one. The 
government of my country snubs honest simplicity, 
but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have 
developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had 
remained in the public service a year or two. 

That was a fine collection of sovereigns, that first 
Nevada legislature. They levied taxes to the 
amount of thirty or forty thousand dollars and 
ordered expenditures to the extent of about a mil- 
lion. Yet they had their little periodical explosions 
of economy like all other bodies of the kind. A 
member proposed to save three dollars a day to the 
nation by dispensing with the Chaplain. And yet 
that short-sighted man needed the Chaplain more 
than any other member, perhaps, for he generally 
sat with his feet on his desk, eating raw turnips, 
during the morning prayer. 

The legislature sat sixty days, and passed private 
toll-road franchises all the time. When they ad- 
journed it was estimated that every citizen owned 
about three franchises, and it was believed that 
unless Congress gave the Territory another degree 
of longitude there would not be room enough to 
accommodate the toll-roads. The ends of them 



Roughing It 209 

were hanging over the boundary line everywhere like 
a fringe. 

The fact is, the freighting business had grown to 
such important proportions that there was nearly as 
much excitement over suddenly acquired toll-road 
fortunes as over the wonderful silver mines. 



14, 



CHAPTER XXVI 

BY and by I was smitten with the silver fever. 
" Prospecting parties" were leaving for the 
mountains every day, and discovering and taking 
possession of rich silver-bearing lodes and ledges of 
quartz. Plainly this was the road to fortune. The 
great " Gould and Curry" mine was held at three 
or four hundred dollars a foot when we arrived ; but 
in two months it had sprung up to eight hundred. 
The '* Ophir " had been worth only a mere trifle, a 
year gone by, and now it was selling at nearly four 
thousand dollars a foot! Not a mine could be 
named that had not experienced an astonishing ad- 
vance in value within a short time. Everybody 
was talking about these marvels. Go where you 
would, you heard nothing else, from morning till far 
into the night. Tom So-and-So had sold out of 
the '* Amanda Smith" for $40,000 — hadn't acent 
when he " took up" the ledge six months ago. 
John Jones had sold half his interest in the ' ' Bald 
Eagle and Mary Ann " for $65,000, gold coin, and 
gone to the States for his family. The widow 
Brewster had ' * struck it rich ' ' in the ' ' Golden 

(no) 



Roughing It 211 

Fleece" and sold ten feet for $18,000 — hadn't 
money enough to buy a crape bonnet when Sing- 
Sing Tommy killed her husband at Baldy Johnson's 
wake last spring. The " Last Chance " had found 
a ' 4 clay casing ' ' and knew they were ' 4 right on the 
ledge" — consequence, "feet" that went begging 
yesterday were worth a brick house apiece to-day, 
and seedy owners who could not get trusted for a 
drink at any bar in the country yesterday were 
roaring drunk on champagne to-day and had hosts 
of warm personal friends in a town where they had 
forgotten how to bow or shake hands from long- 
continued want of practice. Johnny Morgan, a 
common loafer, had gone to sleep in the gutter and 
waked up worth a hundred thousand dollars, in con- 
sequence of the decision in the " Lady Franklin and 
Rough and Ready ' ' lawsuit. And so on — - day in 
and day out the talk pelted our ears and the excite- 
ment waxed hotter and hotter around us. 

I would have been more or less than human if I 
had not gone mad like the rest. Cart-loads of solid 
silver bricks, as large as pigs of lead, were arriving 
from the mills every day, and such sights as that 
gave substance to the wild talk about me. I suc- 
cumbed and grew as frenzied as the craziest. 

Every few days news would come of the discovery 
of a bran-new mining region; immediately the 
papers would teem with accounts of its richness, 
and away the surplus population would scamper to 
take possession. By the time I was fairly inocu- 



212 Roughing It 

lated with the disease, " Esmeralda " had just had 
a run and " Humboldt " was beginning to shriek 
for attention. " Humboldt! Humboldt!" was the 
new cry, and straightway Humboldt, the newest of 
the new, the richest of the rich, the most marvelous 
of the marvelous discoveries in silver-land, was occu- 
pying two columns of the public prints to " Esmer- 
alda's " one. I was just on the point of starting to 
Esmeralda, but turned with the tide and got ready 
for Humboldt. That the reader may see what 
moved me, and what would as surely have moved 
him had he been there, I insert here one of the 
newspaper letters of the day. It and several other 
letters from the same calm hand were the main 
means of converting me. I shall not garble the 
extract, but put it in just as it appeared in the Daily 
Territorial Enterprise: 

But what about our mines ? I shall be candid with you. I shall ex- 
press an honest opinion, based upon a thorough examination. Hum- 
boldt county is the richest mineral region upon God's footstool. Each 
mountain range is gorged with the precious ores. Humboldt is the 
true Golconda. 

The other day an assay of mere croppings yielded exceeding four 
thousand dollars to the ton. A week or two ago an assay of just such 
surface developments made returns of seven thousa?id dollars to the ton. 
Our mountains are full of rambling prospectors. Each day and almost 
every hour reveals new and more startling evidences of the profuse and 
intensified wealth of our favored county. The metal is not silver alone. 
There are distinct ledges of auriferous ore. A late discovery plainly 
evinces cinnabar. The coarser metals are in gross abundance. Lately 
evidences of bituminous coal have been detected. My theory has ever 
been that coal is a ligneous formation. I told Col. Whitman, in times 
past, that the neighborhood of Dayton (Nevada) betrayed no present or 



Roughing It 213 

previous manifestations of a ligneous foundation, and that hence I had 
no confidence in his lauded coal mines. I repeated the same doctrine 
to the exultant coal discoverers of Humboldt. I talked with my friend 
Captain Burch on the subject. My pyrhanism vanished upon his state- 
ment that in the very region referred to he had seen petrified trees of the 
length of two hundred feet. Then is the fact established that huge 
forests once cast their grim shadows over this remote section. I am firm 
in the coal faith. Have no fears of the mineral resources of Humboldt 
county. They are immense — incalculable. 

Let me state one or two things which will help 
the reader to better comprehend certain items in the 
above. At this time, our near neighbor, Gold Hill, 
was the most successful silver -mining locality in 
Nevada. It was from there that more than half the 
daily shipments of silver bricks came. " Very rich " 
(and scarce) Gold Hill ore yielded from $100 to 
$400 to the ton ; but the usual yield was only $20 
to $40 per ton — that is to say, each hundred 
pounds of ore yielded from one dollar to two dol- 
lars. But the reader will perceive by the above 
extract, that in Humboldt from one-fourth to nearly 
half the mass was silver ! That is to say, every one 
hundred pounds of the ore had from two hundred 
dollars up to about three hundred and fifty in it. 
Some days later this same correspondent wrote: 

I have spoken of the vast and almost fabulous wealth of this region 
— it is incredible. The intestines of our mountains are gorged with 
precious ore to plethora. I have said that nature has so shaped our 
mountains as to furnish most excellent facilities for the working of our 
mines. I have also told you that the country about here is pregnant 
with the finest mill sites in the world. But what is the mining history 
of Humboldt ? The Sheba mine is in the hands of energetic San Fran- 
cisco capitalists. It would seem that the ore is combined with metals 



214 Roughing It 

that render it difficult of reduction with our imperfect mountain machinery. 
The proprietors have combined the capital and labor hinted at in my ex- 
ordium. They are toiling and probing. Their tunnel has reached the 
length of one hundred feet. From primal assays alone, coupled with the 
development of the mine and public confidence in the continuance of 
effort, the stock had reared itself to eight hundred dollars market value. 
I do not know that one ton of the ore has been converted into current 
metal. I do know that there are many lodes in this section that surpass 
the Sheba in primal assay value. Listen a moment to the calculations 
of the Sheba operators. They purpose transporting the ore concentrated 
to Europe. The conveyance from Star City (its locality) to Virginia 
City will cost seventy dollars per ton ; from Virginia to San Francisco, 
forty dollars per ton ; from thence to Liverpool, its destination, ten dol- 
lars per ton. Their idea is that its conglomerate metals will reimburse 
them their cost of original extraction, the price of transportation, and 
the expense of reduction, and that then a ton of the raw ore will net 
them twelve hundred dollars. The estimate may be extravagant. Cur 
it in twain, and the product is enormous, far transcending any previous 
developments of our racy Territory. 

A very common calculation is that many of our mines will yield five 
hundred dollars to the ton. Such fecundity throws the Gould & Curry, 
the Ophir and the Mexican, of your neighborhood, in the darkest shadow. 
I have given you the estimate of the value of a single developed mine. 
Its richness is indexed by its market valuation. The people of Humboldt 
county are feet crazy. As I write, our towns are near deserted. They 
look as languid as a consumptive girl. What has become of our sinewy 
and athletic fellow- citizens ? They are coursing through ravines and ovet 
mountain tops. Their tracks are visible in every direction. Occasionally 
a horseman will dash among us. His steed betrays hard usage. He 
alights before his adobe dwelling, hastily exchanges courtesies with his 
townsmen, hurries to an assay office and from thence to the District Re- 
corder's. In the morning, having renewed his provisional supplies, he 
is off again on his wild and unbeaten route. Why, the fellow numbers 
already his feet by the thousands. He is the horse-leech. He has the 
craving stomach of the shark or anaconda. He would conquer metallic 
worlds. 

This was enough. The instant we had finished 
reading the above article, four of us decided to go 



Roughing It 215 

to Humboldt. We commenced getting ready at 
once. And we also commenced upbraiding our- 
selves for not deciding sooner — for we were in 
terror lest all the rich mines would be found and 
secured before we got there, and we might have to 
put up with ledges that would not yield more than 
two or three hundred dollars a ton, maybe. An 
hour before, I would have felt opulent if I had 
owned ten feet in a Gold Hill mine whose ore pro- 
duced twenty-five dollars to the ton; now I was 
already annoyed at the prospect of having to put up 
with mines the poorest of which would be a marvel 
in Gold Hill. 



CHAPTER XXVII. 

HURRY, was the word ! We wasted no time 
Our party consisted of four persons — a black- 
smith sixty years of age, two young lawyers, and 
myself. We bought a wagon and two miserable 
old horses. We put eighteen hundred pounds of 
provisions and mining tools in the wagon and drove 
out of Carson on a chilly December afternoon. 
The horses were so weak and old that we soon 
found that it would be better if one or two of us got 
out and walked. It was an improvement. Next, 
we found that it would be better if a third man got 
out. That was an improvement also. It was at 
this time that I volunteered to drive, although I had 
never driven a harnessed horse before, and many a 
man in such a position would have felt fairly ex- 
cused from such a responsibility. But in a little 
while it was found that it would be a fine thing if 
the driver got out and walked also. It was at this 
time that I resigned the position of driver, and never 
resumed it again. Within the hour, we found that 
it would not only be better, but was absolutely 
necessary, that we four, taking turns, two at a time, 

(216) 



Roughing It 217 

should put our hands against the end of the wagon 
and push it through the sand, leaving the feeble 
horses little to do but keep out of the way and hold 
up the tongue. Perhaps it is well tor one to know 
his fate at first, and get reconciled to it. We had 
learned ours in one afternoon. It was plain that we 
had to walk through the sand and shove that wagon 
and those horses two hundred miles. So we ac- 
cepted the situation, and from that time forth we 
never rode. More than that, we stood regular and 
nearly constant watches pushing up behind. 

We made seven miles, and camped in the desert. 
Young Claggett (now member of Congress from 
Montana) unharnessed and fed and watered the 
horses ; Oliphant and I cut sage-brush, built the fire 
and brought water to cook with ; and old Mr. Ballou, 
the blacksmith, did the cooking. This division of 
labor, and this appointment, was adhered to 
throughout the journey. We had no tent, and so 
we slept under our blankets in the open plain. We 
were so tired that we slept soundly. 

We were fifteen days making the trip- — two 
hundred miles; thirteen, rather, for we lay by a 
couple of days, in one place, to let the horses rest. 
We could really have accomplished the journey in 
ten days if we had towed the horses behind the 
wagon, but we did not think of that until it was too 
late, and so went on shoving the horses and the 
wagon too when we might have saved half the labor. 
Parties who met us, occasionally, advised us to put 



218 Roughing It 

the horses in the wagon, but Mr. Ballou, through 
whose iron-clad earnestness no sarcasm could pierce, 
said that that would not do, because the provisions 
were exposed and would suffer, the horses being 
"bituminous from long deprivation." The reader 
will excuse me from translating. What Mr. Ballou 
customarily meant, when he used a long word, was 
a secret between himself and his Maker. He was 
one of the best and kindest-hearted men that ever 
graced a humble sphere of life. He was gentleness 
and simplicity itself — and unselfishness, too. 
Although he was more than twice as old as the 
eldest of us, he never gave himself any airs, 
privileges, or exemptions on that account. He did 
a young man's share of the work; and did his share 
of conversing and entertaining from the general 
standpoint of any age — not from the arrogant, 
overawing summit-height of sixty years. His one 
striking peculiarity was his Partingtonian fashion of 
loving and using big words for their own sakes, and 
independent of any bearing they might have upon 
the thought he was purposing to convey. He 
always let his ponderous syllables fall with an easy 
unconsciousness that left them wholly without 
offensiveness. In truth, his air was so natural and 
so simple that one was always catching himself ac- 
cepting his stately sentences as meaning something, 
when they really meant nothing in the world. If a 
word was long and grand and resonant, that was 
sufficient to win the old man's love, and he would 



Roughing It 219 

drop that word into the most out-of-the-way place 
in a sentence or a subject, and be as pleased with it 
as if it were perfectly luminous with meaning. 

We four always spread our common stock of 
blankets together on the frozen ground, and slept 
side by side; and finding that our foolish, long- 
legged hound pup had a deal of animal heat in him, 
Oliphant got to admitting him to the bed, between 
himself and Mr. Ballou, hugging the dog's warm 
back to his breast and finding great comfort in it. 
But in the night the pup would get stretchy and 
brace his feet against the old man's back and shove, 
grunting complacently the while ; and now and then, 
being warm and snug, grateful and happy, he would 
paw the old man's back simply in excess of com- 
fort ; and at yet other times he would dream of the 
chase and in his sleep tug at the old man's back 
hair and bark in his ear. The old gentleman com- 
plained mildly about these familiarities, at last, and 
when he got through with his statem nt he said that 
such a dog as that was not a proper animal to admit 
to bed with tired men, because he was '* so meretri- 
cious in his movements and so organic in his emo- 
tions," We turned the dog out. 

It was a hard, wearing, toilsome journey, but it 
had its bright side ; for after each day was done and 
our wolfish hunger appeased with a hot supper of 
fried bacon, bread, molasses, and black coffee, the 
pipe-smoking, song-singing, and yarn-spinning 
around the evening camp-fire in the still solitudes 



220 Roughing It 

of the desert was a happy, care-free sort of recrea- 
tion that seemed the very summit and culmination 
of earthly luxury. It is a kind of life that has a 
potent charm for all men, whether city or country- 
bred. We are descended from desert-lounging 
Arabs, and countless ages of growth toward perfect 
civilization have failed to root out of us the nomadic 
instinct. We all confess to a gratified thrill at the 
thought of M camping out." 

Once we made twenty-five miles in a day, and 
once we made forty miles (through the Great 
American Desert), and ten miles beyond — fifty in 
all — in twenty-three hours, without halting to eat, 
drink, or rest. To stretch out and go to sleep, even 
on stony and frozen ground, after pushing a wagon 
and two horses fifty miles, is a delight so supreme 
that for the moment it almost seems cheap at the 
price. 

We camped two days in the neighborhood of the 
44 Sink of the Humboldt." We tried to use the 
strong alkaline water of the Sink, but it would not 
answer. It was like drinking lye, and not weak lye, 
either. It left a taste in the mouth, bitter and every 
way execrable, and a burning in the stomach that 
was very uncomfortable. We put molasses in it, 
but that helped it very little ; we added a pickle, yet 
the alkali was the prominent taste, and so it was 
unfit for drinking. The coffee we made of this 
water was the meanest compound man has yet in- 
vented. It was really viler to the taste than the 



Roughing It 221 

unameliorated water itself. Mr. Ballou, being the 
architect and builder of the beverage, felt constrained 
to endorse and uphold it, and so drank half a cup, 
by little sips, making shift to praise it faintly the 
while, but finally threw out the remainder, and said 
frankly it was il too technical for him." 

But presently we found a spring of fresh water, 
convenient, and then, with nothing to mar our 
enjoyment, and no stragglers to interrupt it, we 
entered into our rest. 



CHAPTER XXVIII. 

AFTER leaving the Sink, we traveled along the 
Humboldt river a little way. People accus- 
tomed to the monster mile-wide Mississippi, grow 
accustomed to associating the term ' ' river ' ' with a 
high degree of watery grandeur. Consequently, 
such people feel rather disappointed when they 
stand on the shores of the Humboldt or the Carson 
and find that a ' * river ' ' in Nevada is a sickly 
rivulet which is just the counterpart of the Erie 
canal in all respects save that the canal is twice as 
long and four times as deep. One of the pleasant- 
est and most invigorating exercises one can contrive 
is to run and jump across the Humboldt river till he 
is overheated, and then drink it dry. 

On the fifteenth day we completed our march of 
two hundred miles and entered Unionville, Hum- 
boldt County, in the midst of a driving snow-storm. 
Unionville consisted of eleven cabins and a liberty- 
pole. Six of the cabins were strung along one side 
of a deep canyon, and the other five faced them. 
The rest of the landscape was made up of bleak 
mountain walls that rose so high into the sky from 

(222 V 



Roughing It 223 

both sides of the canyon that the village was left, as 
it were, far down in the bottom of a crevice. It 
was always daylight on the mountain tops a long 
time before the darkness lifted and revealed Union- 
ville. 

We built a small, rude cabin in the side of the 
crevice and roofed it with canvas, leaving a corner 
open to serve as a chimney, through which the cattle 
used to tumble occasionally, at night, and mash our 
furniture and interrupt our sleep. It was very cold 
weather and fuel was scarce. Indians brought 
brush and bushes several miles on their backs ; and 
when we could catch a laden Indian it was well — ■ 
and when we could not (which was the rule, not the 
exception), we shivered and bore it. 

I confess, without shame, that I expected to find 
masses of silver lying all about the ground. I ex- 
pected to see it glittering in the sun on the mountain 
summits. I said nothing about this, for some in- 
stinct told me that I might possibly have an exag- 
gerated idea about it, and so if I betrayed my 
thought I might bring derision upon myself. Yet I 
was as perfectly satisfied in my own mind as I could 
be of anything, that I was going to gather up, in a 
day or two, or at furthest a week or two, silver 
enough to make me satisfactorily wealthy — and so 
my fancy was already busy with plans for spending 
this money. The first opportunity that offered, I 
sauntered carelessly away from the cabin, keeping 
an eye on the other boys, and stopping and con- 



224 Roughing It 

templating the sky when they seemed to be observ- 
ing me ; but as soon as the coast was manifestly 
clear, I fled away as guiltily as a thief might have 
done and never halted till I was far beyond sight 
and call. Then I began my search with a feverish 
excitement that was brimful of expectation — almost 
of certainty. I crawled about the ground, seizing 
and examining bits of stone, blowing the dust from 
them or rubbing them on my clothes, and then 
peering at them with anxious hope. Presently I 
found a bright fragment and my heart bounded I I 
hid behind a boulder and polished it and scrutinized 
it with a nervous eagerness and a delight that was 
more pronounced than absolute certainty itself could 
have afforded. The more I examined the fragment 
the more I was convinced that I had found the door 
to fortune. I marked the spot and carried away my 
specimen. Up and down the rugged mountain side 
I searched, with always increasing interest and 
always augmenting gratitude that I had come to 
Humboldt and come in time. Of all the experiences 
of my life, this secret search among the hidden 
treasures of silver-land was the nearest to unmarred 
ecstasy. It was a delirious revel. By and by, in 
the bed of a shallow rivulet, I found a deposit of 
shining yellow scales, and my breath almost forsook 
me ! A gold mine, and in my simplicity I had been 
content with vulgar silver ! I was so excited that I 
half believed my overwrought imagination was 
deceiving me. Then a fear came upon me that 



Roughing It 225 

people might be observing me and would guess my 
secret. Moved by this thought, I made a circuit of 
the place, and ascended a knoll to reconnoiter. 
Solitude. No creature was near. Then I returned 
to my mine, fortifying myself against possible disap- 
pointment, but my fears were groundless — the 
Shining scales were still there. I set about scooping 
them out, and for an hour I toiled down the wind- 
ings of the stream and robbed its bed. But at last 
the descending sun warned me to give up the quest, 
and I turned homeward laden with wealth. As I 
walked along I could not help smiling at the thought 
of my being so excited over my fragment of silver 
when a nobler metal was almost under my nose. In 
this little time the former had so fallen in my esti- 
mation that once or twice I was on the point of 
throwing it away. 

The boys were as hungry as usual, but I could 
eat nothing. Neither could I talk. I was full of 
dreams and far away. Their conversation inter- 
rupted the flow of my fancy somewhat, and annoyed 
me a little, too. I despised the sordid and com- 
monplace things they talked about. But as they 
proceeded, it began to amuse me. It grew to be 
rare fun to hear them planning their poor little 
economies and sighing over possible privations and 
distresses when a gold mine, all our own, lay within 
sight of the cabin, and I could point it out at any 
moment. Smothered hilarity began to oppress me, 
presently. It was hard to resist the impulse to 
15* 



226 Roughing It 

burst out with exultation and reveal everything ; but 
I did resist. I said within myself that I would filter 
the great news through my lips calmly and be serene 
as a summer morning while I watched its effect in 
their faces. I said : 

" Where have you all been?" 

11 Prospecting." 

"What did you find?" 

"Nothing." 

" Nothing? What do you think of the country?" 

" Can't tell, yet," said Mr. Ballou, who was an 
old gold miner, and had likewise had considerable 
experience among the silver mines. 

" Well, haven't you formed any sort of opinion?" 

"Yes, a sort of a one. It's fair enough here, 
may be, but overrated. Seven - thousand - dollar 
ledges are scarce, though. That Sheba may be rich 
enough, but we don't own it; and besides, the rock 
is so full of base metals that all the science in the 
world can't work it. We'll not starve, here, but 
we'll not get rich, I'm afraid." 

" So you think the prospect is pretty poor?" 

"No name for it!" 

" Well, we'd better go back, hadn't we?" 

" Oh, not yet — of course not. We'll try it a 
riffle, first." 

" Suppose, now — this is merely a supposition, 
you know — suppose you could find a ledge that 
would yield, say, a hundred and fifty dollars a to» 
• — would that satisfy you?" 



Roughing It 227 

" Try us once !" from the whole party. 

" Or suppose — merely a supposition, of course 

— suppose you were to find a ledge that would yield 
two thousand dollars a ton — would that satisfy 
you?" 

"Here — what do you mean? What are you 
coming at? Is there some mystery behind all this?" 

" Never mind. I am not saying anything. You 
know perfectly well there are no rich mines here — 
of course you do. Because you have been around 
and examined for yourselves. Anybody would 
know that, that had been around. But just for the 
sake of argument, suppose — in a kind of general 
way — suppose some person were to tell you that 
two-thousand-dollar ledges were simply contemptible 

— contemptible, understand — and that right yonder 
in sight of this very cabin there were piles of pure 
gold and pure silver — oceans of it — enough to 
make you all rich in twenty-four hours! Come?" 

1 ' J should say he was as crazy as a loon ! ' ' said 
old Ballou, but wild with excitement, nevertheless. 

"Gentlemen," said I, "I don't say anything — 
/ haven't been around, you know, and of course 
don't know anything — but all I ask of you is to 
cast your eye on that, for instance, and tell me what 
you think of it ! " and I tossed my treasure before 
them. 

There was an eager scramble for it, and a closing 
of heads together over it under the candle-light. 
Then old Ballou said: 
<>♦ 



228 Roughing It 

" Think of it? I think it is nothing but a lot of 
granite rubbish and nasty glittering mica that isn't 
worth ten cents an acre !" 

So vanished my dream. So melted my wealth 
away. So toppled my airy castle to the earth and 
left me stricken and forlorn. 

Moralizing, I observed, then, that "all that glit- 
ters is not gold." 

Mr. Ballou said I could go further than that, and 
lay it up among my treasures of knowledge, that 
nothing that glitters is gold. So I learned then, 
once for all, that gold in its native state is but dull, 
unornamental stuff, and that only lowborn metals 
excite the admiration of the ignorant with an osten- 
tatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, 
I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying 
men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot 
rise above that. 



CHAPTER XXIX. 

TRUE knowledge of the nature of silver mining 
came fast enough. We went out " prospect- 
ing" with Mr. Ballou. We climbed the mountain 
sides, and clambered among sage-brush, rocks, and 
snow till we were ready to drop with exhaustion, 
but found no silver — nor yet any gold. Day after 
day we did this. Now and then we came upon 
holes burrowed a few feet into the declivities and 
apparently abandoned ; and now and then we found 
one or two listless men still burrowing. But there 
was no appearance of silver. These holes were the 
beginnings of tunnels, and the purpose was to drive 
them hundreds of feet into the mountain, and some 
day tap the hidden ledge where the silver was. 
Some day ! It seemed far enough away, and very 
hopeless and dreary. Day after day we toiled, and 
climbed, and searched, and we younger partners 
grew sicker and still sicker of the promiseless toil. 
At last we halted under a beetling rampart of rock 
which projected from the earth high upon the 
mountain. Mr. Ballou broke off some fragments 
with a hammer, and examined them long and atten- 

(229) 



230 Roughing It 

tively with a small eyeglass ; threw them away and 
broke off more; said this rock was quartz, and 
quartz was the sort of rock that contained silver. 
Contained it ! I had thought that at least it would 
be caked on the outside of it like a kind of veneer- 
ing. He still broke off pieces and critically ex- 
amined them, now and then wetting the piece with 
his tongue and applying the glass. At last he 
exclaimed : 

" We've got it!" 

We were full of anxiety in a moment. The rock 
was clean and white, where it was broken, and across 
it ran a ragged thread of blue. He said that that 
little thread had silver in it, mixed with base metals, 
such as lead and antimony, and other rubbish, and 
that there was a speck or two of gold visible. After 
a great deal of effort we managed to discern some 
little fine yellow specks, and judged that a couple 
of tons of them massed together might make a gold 
dollar, possibly. We were not jubilant, but Mr. 
Ballou said there were worse ledges in the world 
than that. He saved what he called the " richest" 
piece of the rock, in order to determine its value by 
the process called the "fire-assay." Then we 
named the mine "Monarch of the Mountains" 
(modesty of nomenclature is not a prominent feature 
in the mines), and Mr. Ballou wrote out and stuck 
up the following " notice," preserving a copy to be 
entered upon the books in the mining recorder's 
'office in the town. 



Roughing It 23 1 

" NOTICE." 

" We the undersigned claim three claims, of three hundred feet each 
(and one for discovery), on this silver-bearing quartz lead or lode, ex- 
tending north and south from this notice, with all its dips, spurs, and 
angles, variations and sinuosities, together with fifty feet of ground on 
either side for working the same." 

We put our names to it and tried to feel that our 
fortunes were made. But when we talked the 
matter all over with Mr. Ballou, we felt depressed 
and dubious. He said that this surface quartz was 
not all there was of our mine ; but that the wall or 
ledge of rock called the ' ' Monarch of the Moun- 
tains " extended down hundreds and hundreds of 
feet into the earth — he illustrated by saying it was 
like a curb-stone, and maintained a nearly uniform 
thickness — say twenty feet — away down into the 
bowels of the earth, and was perfectly distinct from 
the casing rock on each side of it ; and that it kept 
to itself, and maintained its distinctive character 
always, no matter how deep it extended into the 
earth or how far it stretched itself through and 
across the hills and valleys. He said it might be a 
mile deep and ten miles long, for all we knew ; and 
that wherever we bored into it above ground or 
below, we would find gold and silver in it, but no 
gold or silver in the meaner rock it was cased be- 
tween. And he said that down in the great depths 
of the ledge was its richness, and the deeper it went 
the richer it grew. Therefore, instead of working 
here on the surface, we must either bore down into 
the rock with a shaft till we came to where it was 



232 Roughing It 

rich — say a hundred feet or so — or ebe we must 
go down into the valley and bore a long tunnel into 
the mountain side and tap the ledge far under the 
earth. To do either was plainly the labor of 
months ; for we could blast and bore only a few feet 
a day — some five or six. But this was not all. 
He said that after we got the ore out it must be 
hauled in wagons to a distant silver-mill, ground up, 
and the silver extracted by a tedious and costly pro- 
cess. Our fortune seemed a century away ! 

But we went to work. We decided to sink a 
shaft. So, for a week we climbed the mountain, 
laden with picks, drills, gads, crowbars, shovels, 
cans of blasting powder and coils of fuse, and strove 
with might and main. At first the rock was broken 
and loose, and we dug it up with picks and threw it 
out with shovels, and the hole progressed very well. 
But the rock became more compact, presently, and 
gads and crowbars came into play. But shortly 
nothing could make an impression but blasting 
powder. That was the weariest work ! One of us 
held the iron drill in its place and another would 
strike with an eight-pound sledge — it was like 
driving nails on a large scale. In the course of an 
hour or two the drill would reach a depth of two of 
three feet, making a hole a couple of inches in 
diameter. We would put in a charge of powder, 
insert half a yard of fuse, pour in sand and gravel 
and ram it down, then light the fuse and run. 
When the explosion came and the rocks and smoke 



Roughing It 233 

shot into the air, we would go back and find about 
a bushel of that hard, rebellious quartz jolted out. 
Nothing more. One week of this satisfied me. I 
resigned. Clagget and Oliphant followed. Our 
shaft was only twelve feet deep. We decided that 
a tunnel was the thing we wanted. 

So we went down the mountain side and worked a 
week; at the end of which time we had blasted a 
tunnel about deep enough to hide a hogshead in, 
and judged that about nine hundred feet more of it 
would reach the ledge. I resigned again, and the 
other boys only held out one day longer. We 
decided that a tunnel was not what we wanted. We 
wanted a ledge that was already "developed." 
There were none in the camp. 

We dropped the " Monarch " for the time being. 
Meantime the camp was filling up with people, and 
there was a constantly growing excitement about our 
Humboldt mines. We fell victims to the epidemic 
and strained every nerve to acquire more 4< feet.' ' 
We prospected and took up new claims, put 
"notices" on them and gave them grandiloquent 
names. We traded some of our " feet " for " feet " 
in other people's claims. In a little while we owned 
largely in the "Gray Eagle," the "Columbiana," 
the " Branch Mint," the " Maria Jane," the " Uni- 
verse," the " Root-Hog-or-Die," the " Samson and 
Delilah," the "Treasure Trove," the " Golconda," 
the " Sultana," the " Boomerang," the " Great Re- 
public," the "Grand Mogul," and fifty other 



234 Roughing It 

" mines " that had never been molested by a shovel 
or scratched with a pick. We had not less than 
thirty thousand "feet" apiece in the "richest 
mines on earth ' ' as the frenzied cant phrased it — 
and were in debt to the butcher. We were stark 
mad with excitement — drunk with happiness — 
smothered under mountains of prospective wealth — 
arrogantly compassionate toward the plodding 
millions who knew not our marvelous canyon — but 
our credit was not good at the grocer's. 

It was the strangest phase of life one can imagine. 
It was a beggars' revel. There w: s nothing doing 
in the district — no mining — no milling — no pro- 
ductive effort — no income — and not enough money 
in the entire camp to buy a corner lot in an eastern 
village, hardly; and yet a stranger would have sup- 
posed he was walking among bloated millionaires. 
Prospecting parties swarmed out of town with the 
first flush of dawn, and swarmed in again at night- 
fall laden with spoil — rocks. Nothing but rocks. 
Every man's pockets were full of them; the floor of 
his cabin was littered with them ; they were disposed 
in labeled rows on his shelves. 



CHAPTER XXX. 

I MET men at every turn who owned from one 
thousand to thirty thousand "feet" in unde- 
veloped silver mines, every single foot of which they 
believed would shortly be worth from fifty to a 
thousand dollars — and as often as any other way 
they were men who had not twenty-five dollars in 
the world. Every man you met had his new mine 
to boast of, and his ' ' specimens ' ' ready ; and if 
the opportunity offered, he would infallibly back 
you into a corner and offer as a favor to you, not to 
him, to part with just a few feet in the " Golden 
Age," or the " Sarah Jane," or some other un- 
known stack of croppings, for money enough to get 
a "square meal" with, as the phrase went. And 
you were never to reveal that he had made you the 
offer at such a ruinous price, for it was only out of 
friendship for you that he was willing to make the 
sacrifice. Then he would fish a piece of rock out 
of his pocket, and after looking mysteriously around 
as if he feared he might be waylaid and robbed if 
caught with such wealth in his possession, he would 
dab the rock against his tongue, clap an eyeglass to 
it, and exclaim: 

(235) 



236 Roughing It 

" Look at that! Right there in that red dirt! 
See it? See the specks of gold? And the streak 
of silver? That's from the ' Uncle Abe.' There's 
a hundred thousand tons like that in sight ! Right 
in sight, mind you ! And when we get down on it 
and the ledge comes in solid, it will be the richest 
thing in the world ! Look at the assay ! I don't 
want you to believe me — look at the assay ! ' ' 

Then he would get out a greasy sheet of paper 
which showed that the portion of rock assayed had 
given evidence of containing silver and gold in the 
proportion of so many hundreds or thousands of 
dollars to the ton. I little knew, then, that the 
custom was to hunt out the richest piece of rock 
and get it assayed ! Very often, that piece, the 
size of a filbert, was the only fragment in a ton that 
had a particle of metal in it — and yet the assay 
made it pretend to represent the average value of 
the ton of rubbish it came from ! 

On such a system of assaying as that, the Hum- 
boldt world had gone crazy. On the authority of 
such assays its newspaper correspondents were 
frothing about rock worth four and seven thousand 
dollars a ton ! 

And does the reader remember, a few pages 
back, the calculations of a quoted correspondent, 
whereby the ore is to be mined and shipped all the 
way to England, the metals extracted, and the gold 
and silver contents received back by the miners as 
clear profit, the copper, antimony, and other things in 



Roughing It 2} 7 

the ore being sufficient to pay all the expenses in- 
curred? Everybody's head was full of such "calcu- 
lations' ' as those — such raving insanity, rather. Few 
people took work into their calculations — or outlay 
of money either ; except the work and expenditures 
of other people. 

We never touched our tunnel or our shaft again. 
Why? Because we judged that we had learned the 
real secret of success in silver mining — which was, 
not to mine the silver ourselves by the sweat of our 
brows and the labor of our hands, but to sell the ledges 
to the dull slaves of toil and let them do the mining ! 

Before leaving Carson, the Secretary and I had 
purchased "feet" from various Esmeralda strag- 
glers. We had expected immediate returns of 
bullion, but were only afflicted with regular and 
constant "assessments" instead — demands for 
money wherewith to develop the said mines. These 
assessments had grown so oppressive that it seemed 
necessary to look into the matter personally. 
Therefore I projected a pilgrimage to Carson and 
thence to Esmeralda. I bought a horse and started, 
in company with Mr. Ballou and a gentleman named 
Ollendorff, a Prussian — not the party who has in- 
flicted so much suffering on the world with his 
wretched foreign grammars, with their interminable 
repetitions of questions which never have occurred 
and are never likely to occur in any conversation 
among human beings. We rode through a snow- 
storm for two or three days, and arrived at " Honey 



238 Roughing It 

Lake Smith's," a sort of isolated inn on the Carson 
river. It was a two-story log house situated on a 
small knoll in the midst of the vast basin or desert 
through which the sickly Carson winds its melan- 
choly v/ay. Close to the house were the Overland 
stage stables, built of sun-dried bricks. There was 
not another building within several leagues of the 
place. Towards sunset about twenty hay-wagons 
arrived and camped around the house, and all the 
teamsters came in to supper — a very, very rough 
set. There were one or two Overland stage-drivers 
there, also, and half a dozen vagabonds and strag- 
glers; consequently the house was well crowded. 

We walked out, after supper, and visited a small 
Indian camp in the vicinity. The Indians were in a 
great hurry about something, and were packing up 
and getting away as fast as they could. In their 
broken English they said, " By'm-by, heap water!" 
and by the help of signs made us understand that in 
their opinion a flood was coming. The weather was 
perfectly clear, and this was not the rainy season. 
There was about a foot of water in the insignificant 
river — or maybe two feet; the stream was not 
wider than a back alley in a village, and its banks 
were scarcely higher than a man's head. So, where 
was the flood to come from? We canvassed the 
subject awhile and then concluded it was a ruse, and 
that the Indians had some better reason for leaving 
in a hurry than fears of a flood in such an exceed- 
ingly dry time. 



Roughing It 239 

At seven in the evening we went to bed in the 
second story — with our clothes on, as usual, and 
all three in the same bed, for every available space 
on the floors, chairs, etc., were in request, and even 
then there was barely room for the housing of the 
inn's guests. An hour later we were awakened by 
a great turmoil, and springing out of bed we picked 
our way nimbly among the ranks of snoring team- 
sters on the floor and got to the front windows of 
the long room. A glance revealed a strange spec- 
tacle, under the moonlight. The crooked Carson 
was full to the brim, and its waters were raging and 
foaming in the wildest way— sweeping around the 
sharp bends at a furious speed, and bearing on their 
surface a chaos of logs, brush, and all sorts of rub- 
bish. A depression, where its bed had once been, 
in other times, was already filling, and in one or two 
places the water was beginning to wash over the 
main bank. Men were flying hither and thither, 
bringing cattle and wagons close up to the house, 
for the spot of high ground on which it stood ex- 
tended only some thirty feet in front and about a 
hundred in the rear. Close to the old river bed just 
spoken of, stood a little log stable, and in this our 
horses were lodged. While we looked, the waters 
increased so fast in this place that in a few minutes 
a torrent was roaring by the little stable and its 
margin encroaching steadily on the logs. We sud- 
denly realized that this flood was not a mere holiday 
spectacle, but meant damage — and not only to the 



240 Roughing It 

small log stable, but to the Overland buildings close 
to the main river, for the waves had now come ashore 
and were creeping about the foundations and invading 
the great hay-corral adjoining. We ran down and 
joined the crowd of excited men and frightened 
animals. We waded knee-deep into the log stable, 
unfastened the horses and waded out almost waist- 
deep, so fast the waters increased. Then the crowd 
rushed in a body to the hay-corral and began to 
tumble down the huge stacks of baled hay and roll 
the bales up on the high ground by the house. 
Meantime it was discovered that Owens, an Overland 
driver, was missing, and a man ran to the large 
stable, and wading in, boot-top deep, discovered 
him asleep in his bed, awoke him, and waded out 
again. But Owens was drowsy and resumed his 
nap ; but only for a minute or two, for presently he 
turned in his bed, his hand dropped over the side 
and came in contact with the cold water ! It was 
up level with the mattress ! He waded out, breast- 
deep, almost, and the next moment the sun-burned 
bricks melted down like sugar and the big building 
crumbled to a ruin and was washed away in a twinkling. 
At eleven o'clock only the roof of the little log 
stable was out of water, and our inn was on an island 
in mid-ocean. As far as the eye could reach, in the 
moonlight, there was no desert visible, but only a 
level waste of shining water. The Indians were true 
prophets, but how did they get their information? 
I am not able to answer the question. 



Roughing It 241 

We remained cooped up eight days and nights 
with that curious crew. Swearing, drinking, and 
card-playing were the order of the day, and occa- 
sionally a fight was thrown in for variety. Dirt and 
vermin — but let us forget those features; their 
profusion is simply inconceivable — it is better that 
they remain so. 

There were two men — however, this chapter is 
long enough. 



16* 



CHAPTER XXXI. 

THERE were two men in the company who 
caused me particular discomfort. One was a 
little Swede, about twenty-five years old, who knew 
only one song, and he was forever singing it. By 
day we were all crowded into one small, stifling 
barroom, and so there was no escaping this person's 
music. Through all the profanity, whisky-guzzling, 
" old sledge," and quarreling, his monotonous song 
meandered with never a variation in its tiresome 
sameness, and it seemed to me, at last, that I would 
be content to die, in order to be rid of the torture. 
The other man was a stalwart ruffian called " Arkan- 
sas," who carried two revolvers in his belt and a 
bowie knife projecting from his boot, and who was 
always drunk and always suffering for a fight. But 
he was so feared, that nobody would accommodate 
him. He would try all manner of little wary ruses 
to entrap somebody into an offensive remark, and 
his face would light up now and then when he 
fancied he was fairly on the scent of a fight, but 
invariably his victim would elude his toils and then 
he would show a disappointment that was almost 
pathetic. The landlord, Johnson, was a meek, well- 

(242) 



Roughing It 243 

meaning fellow, and Arkansas fastened on him 
early, as a promising subject, and gave him no rest 
day or night, for awhile. On the fourth morning, 
Arkansas got drunk and sat himself down to wait 
for an opportunity. Presently Johnson came in, 
just comfortably sociable with whisky, and said : 

11 1 reckon the Pennsylvania 'lection — " 

Arkansas raised his finger impressively and John- 
son stopped. Arkansas rose unsteadily and con- 
fronted him. Said he : 

" Wha-what do you know a-about Pennsylvania? 
Answer me that. Wha-what do you know 'bout 
Pennsylvania?" 

" I was only goin' to say — " 

"You was only goin' to say. You was ! You 
was only goin' to say — what was you goin' to say? 
That's it ! That's what / want to know, /want to 
know wha-what you (Jic) what you know about 
Pennsylvania, since you're makin' yourself so d — d 
free. Answer me that ! " 

" Mr. Arkansas, if you'd only let me — " 

"Who's a henderin' you? Don't you insinuate 
nothing agin me! — don't you do it. Don't you 
come in here bullyin' around, and cussin' and goin' 
on like a lunatic — don't you do it. 'Coz /won't 
stand it. If fight's what you want, out with it! 
I'm your man! Out with it!" 

Said Johnson, backing into a corner, Arkansas 
following, menacingly: 

1 ' Why, / never said nothing, Mr. Arkansas. 



244 Roughing It 

You don't give a man no chance. I was only goin' 
to say that Pennsylvania was goin' to have an 
election next week — that was all — that was every- 
thing I was goin' to say — I wish I may never stir if 
it wasn't." 

11 Well then why d'n't you say it? What did you 
come swellin' around that way for, and tryin' to 
raise trouble?" 

"Why, / didn't come swellin' around, Mr. 
Arkansas — I just — " 

"I'm a liar am I ! Ger-reat Caesar's ghost — " 

" Oh, please, Mr. Arkansas, I never meant such 
a thing as that, I wish I may die if I did. All the 
boys will tell you that I've always spoke well of 
you, and respected you more'n any man in the 
house. Ask Smith. Ain't it so, Smith? Didn't 
I say, no longer ago than last night, that for a man 
that was a gentleman all the time and every way you 
took him, give me Arkansas? I'll leave it to any 
gentleman here if them warn't the very words I 
used. Come, now, Mr. Arkansas, le's take .a drink 
— le's shake hands and take a drink. Come up — 
everybody! It's my treat. Come up, Bill, Tom, 
Bob, Scotty — come up. I want you all to take a 
drink with me and Arkansas — old Arkansas, I call 
him — bully old Arkansas. Gimme your hand agin. 
Look at him, boys — just take a look at him. Thar 
stands the whitest man in America ! — and the man 
that denies it has got to fight me> that's all. Gimme 
• that old flipper agin ! ' ' 



Roughing It 245 

They embraced, with drunken affection on the 
landlord's part and unresponsive toleration on the 
part of Arkansas, who, bribed by a drink, was dis- 
appointed of his prey once more. But the foolish 
landlord was so happy to have escaped butchery, 
that he went on talking when he ought to have 
marched himself out of danger. The consequence 
was that Arkansas shortly began to glower upon him 
dangerously, and presently said : 

44 Lan' lord, will you p-please make that remark 
over agin if you please ?" 

44 1 was a-sayin' to Scotty that my father was 
up'ards of eighty year old when he died." 

44 Was that all that you said?" 

44 Yes, that was all." 

44 Didn't say nothing but that?" 

44 No — nothing." 

Then an uncomfortable silence. 

Arkansas played with his glass a moment, lolling 
on his elbows on the counter. Then he meditatively 
scratched his left shin with his right boot, while the 
awkward silence continued. But presently he loafed 
away toward the stove, looking dissatisfied ; roughly 
shouldered two or three men out of a comfortable 
position ; occupied it himself, gave a sleeping dog a 
kick that sent him howling under a bench, then 
spread his long legs and his blanket-coat tails apart 
and proceeded to warm his back. In a little while 
he fell to grumbling to himself, and soon he 
slouched back to the bar and said: 



246 Roughing It 

" Lan'lord, what's your idea for rakin' up old 
personalities and blowin' about your father? Ain't 
this company agreeable to you? Ain't it? If this 
company ain't agreeable to you, p'r'aps we'd better 
leave. Is that your idea? Is that what you're 
coming at?" 

11 Why bless your soul, Arkansas, I warn't think- 
ing of such a thing. My father and my mother — " 

"Lan'lord, don't crowd a man! Don't do it. 
If nothing' 11 do you but a disturbance, out with it 
like a man ('zV) — but don't rake up old bygones 
and fling 'em in the teeth of a passel of people that 
wants to be peaceable if they could git a chance. 
What's the matter with you this mornin', anyway? 
I never see a man carry on so." 

"Arkansas, I reely didn't mean no harm, and I 
won't go on with it if it's onpleasant to you. I 
reckon my licker's got into my head, and what with 
the flood, and havin' so many to feed and look out 
for—" 

11 So that s what's a-ranklin' in your heart, is it? 
You want us to leave, do you? There's too many 
on us. You want us to pack up and swim. Is 
that it? Come!" 

" Please be reasonable, Arkansas. Now you 
know that I ain't the man to — " 

"Are you a threatenin' me? Are you? By 

George, the man don't live that can skeer me ! 

Don't you try to come that game, my chicken — 

' 'cuz I can stand a good deal, but I won't stand that. 



Roughing It 247 

Come out from behind that bar till I clean you! 
You want to drive us out, do you, you sneakin' 
underhanded hound ! Come out from behind that 
bar! F 11 learn you to bully and badger and brow- 
beat a gentleman that's forever trying to befriend 
you and keep you out of trouble !" 

44 Please, Arkansas, please don't shoot! If there's 
got to be bloodshed — " 

44 Do you hear that, gentlemen? Do you hear 
him talk about bloodshed? So it's blood you want, 
is it, you ravin* desperado! You'd made up yout 
mind to murder somebody this mornin' — I knowed 
it perfectly well. I'm the man, am I? It's me 
you're goin' to murder, is it? But you can't do it 
'thout I get one chance first, you thievin' black- 
hearted, white-livered son of a nigger ! Draw your 
weepon!" 

With that, Arkansas began to shoot, and the 
landlord to clamber over benches, men, and every 
sort of obstacle in a frantic desire to escape. In 
the midst of the wild hubbub the landlord crashed 
through a glass door, and as Arkansas charged after 
him the landlord's wife suddenly appeared in the 
doorway and confronted the desperado with a pair 
of scissors ! Her fury was magnificent. With head 
erect and flashing eye she stood a moment and then 
advanced, with her weapon raised. The astonished 
ruffian hesitated, and then fell back a step. She 
followed. She backed him step by step into the 
middle of the bar-room, and then, while the wonder- 



248 Roughing It 

ing crowd closed up and gazed, she gave him such 
another tongue-lashing as never a cowed and shame- 
faced braggart got before, perhaps ! As she finished 
and retired victorious, a roar of applause shook the 
house, and every man ordered "drinks for the 
crowd' ' in one and the same breath. 

The lesson was entirely sufficient. The reign of 
terror was over, and the Arkansas domination 
broken for good. During the rest of the season of 
island captivity, there was one man who sat apart in 
a state of permanent humiliation, never mixing in 
any quarrel or uttering a boast, and never resenting 
the insults the once cringing crew now constantly 
leveled at him, and that man was " Arkansas." 

By the fifth or sixth morning the waters had sub- 
sided from the land, but the stream in the old river 
bed was still high and swift and there was no possi- 
bility of crossing it. On the eighth it was still too 
high for an entirely safe passage, but life in the inn 
had become next to insupportable by reason of the 
dirt, drunkenness, fighting, etc., and so we made an 
effort to get away. In the midst of a heavy snow- 
storm we embarked in a canoe, taking our saddles 
aboard and towing our horses after us by their 
halters. The Prussian, Ollendorff, was in the bow, 
with a paddle, Ballou paddled in the middle, and I 
sat in the stern holding the halters. When the 
horses lost their footing and began to swim, Ollen- 
dorff got frightened, for there was great danger that 
the horses would make our aim uncertain, and it 



Roughing It 249 

was plain that if we failed to land at a certain spot 
the current would throw us off and almost surely 
cast us into the main Carson, which was a boiling 
torrent, now. Such a catastrophe would be death, 
in all probability, for we would be swept to sea in 
the "Sink" or overturned and drowned. We 
warned Ollendorff to keep his wits about him and 
handle himself carefully, but it was useless; the 
moment the bow touched the bank, he made a 
spring and the canoe whirled upside down in ten- 
foot water. Ollendorff seized some brush and 
dragged himself ashore, but Ballou and I had to 
swim for it, encumbered with our overcoats. But 
we held on to the canoe, and although we were 
washed down nearly to the Carson, we managed to 
push the boat ashore and make a safe landing. We 
were cold and water-soaked, but safe. The horses 
made a landing, too, but our saddles were gone, of 
course. We tied the animals in the sage-brush and 
there they had to stay for twenty-four hours. We 
baled out the canoe and ferried over some food and 
blankets for them, but we slept one more night in 
the inn before making another venture on our jour- 
ney. 

The next morning it was still snowing furiously 
when we got away with our new stock of saddles and 
accoutrements. We mounted and started. The 
snow lay so deep on the ground that there was no 
sign of a road perceptible, and the snow-fall was so 
thick that we could not see more than a hundred 



250 Roughing It 

yards ahead, else we could have guided our course 
by the mountain ranges. The case looked dubious, 
but Ollendorff said his instinct was as sensitive as 
any compass, and that he could " strike a bee-line" 
for Carson City and never diverge from it. He said 
that if he were to straggle a single point out of the 
true line his instinct would assail him like an out- 
raged conscience. Consequently we dropped into 
his wake happy and content. For half an hour we 
poked along warily enough, but at the end of that 
time we came upon a fresh trail, and Ollendorff 
shouted proudly: 

" I knew I was as dead certain as a compass, 
boys! Here we are, right in somebody's tracks 
that will hunt the way for us without any trouble- 
Let's hurry up and join company with the party." 

So we put the horses into as much of a trot as the 
deep snow would allow, and before long it was 
evident that we were gaining on our predecessors, 
for the tracks grew more distinct. We hurried 
along, and at the end of an hour the tracks looked 
still newer and fresher — but what surprised us was, 
that the number of travelers in advance of us 
seemed to steadily increase. We wondered how so 
large a party came to be travelling at such a time 
and in such a solitude. Somebody suggested that 
it must be a company of soldiers from the fort, and 
so we accepted that solution and jogged along a little 
faster still, for they could not be far off now. But 
the tracks still multiplied, and we began to think the 



Roughing It 251 

platoon of soldiers was miraculously expanding into 
a regiment — Ballou said they had already increased 
to five hundred ! Presently he stopped his horse 
and said : 

" Boys, these are our own tracks, and we've 
actually been circussing round and round in a circle 
for more than two hours, out here in this blind 
desert! By George this is perfectly hydraulic!" 

Then the old man waxed wroth and abusive. He 
called Ollendorff all manner of hard names — said 
he never saw such a lurid fool as he was, and ended 
with the peculiarly venomous opinion that he "did 
not know as much as a logarithm !" 

We certainly had been following our own tracks. 
Ollendorff and his " mental compass" were in dis- 
grace from that moment. After all our hard travel, 
here we were on the bank of the stream again, with 
the inn beyond dimly outlined through the driving 
snowfall. While we were considering what to do, 
the young Swede landed from the canoe and took 
his pedestrian way Carson-wards, singing his same 
tiresome song about his ' ' sister and his brother ' ' 
and "the child in the grave with its mother," and 
in a short minute faded and disappeared in the white 
oblivion. He was never heard of again. He no 
doubt got bewildered and lost, and Fatigue delivered 
him over to Sleep and Sleep betrayed him to Death. 
Possibly he followed our treacherous tracks till he 
became exhausted and dropped. 

Presently the Overland stage forded the now fast 



252 Roughing It 

receding stream and started toward Carson on its 
first trip since the flood came. We hesitated no 
longer, now, but took up our march in its wake, and 
trotted merrily along, for we had good confidence in 
the driver's bump of locality. But our horses were 
no match for the fresh stage team. We were soon 
left out of sight ; but it was no matter, for we had 
the deep ruts the wheels made for a guide. By 
this time it was three in the afternoon, and conse- 
quently it was not very long before night came — 
and not with a lingering twilight, but with a sudden 
shutting down like a cellar door, as is its habit in 
that country. The snowfall was still as thick as ever, 
and of course we could not see fifteen steps before 
us ; but all about us the white glare of the snow- 
bed enabled us to discern the smooth sugar-loaf 
mounds made by the covered sage-bushes, and just 
in front of us the two faint grooves which we knew 
were the steadily filling and slowly disappearing 
wheel- tracks. 

Now those sage-bushes were all about the same 
height — three or four feet; they stood just about 
seven feet apart, all over the vast desert; each of 
them was a mere snow-mound, now; in any direc- 
tion that you proceeded (the same as in a well-laid- 
out orchard) you would find yourself moving down 
a distinctly defined avenue, with a row of these 
snow-mounds on either side of it — an avenue the 
customary width of a road, nice and level in its 
breadth, and rising at the sides in the most natural 



Roughing It 253 

way, by reason of the mounds. But we had not 
thought of this. Then imagine the chilly thrill that 
shot through us when it finally occurred to us, far in 
the night, that since the last faint trace of the wheel- 
tracks had long ago been buried from sight, we might 
now be wandering down a mere sage-brush avenue, 
miles away from the road and diverging further and 
further away from it all the time. Having a cake 
of ice slipped down one's back is placid comfort 
compared to it. There was a sudden leap and stir 
of blood that had been asleep for an hour, and as 
sudden a rousing of all the drowsing activities in our 
minds and bodies. We were alive and awake at 
once — and shaking and quaking with consternation, 
too. There was an instant halting and dismount- 
ing, a bending low and an anxious scanning of the 
road-bed. Useless, of course; for if a faint de- 
pression could not be discerned rrom an altitude of 
four or five feet above it, it certainly could not with 
one's nose nearly against it. 



CHAPTER XXXII. 

WE seemed to be in a road, but that was no 
proof. We tested this by walking off in 
various directions — the regular snow-mounds and 
the regular avenues between them convinced each 
man that he had found the true road, and that the 
others had found only false ones. Plainly the 
situation was desperate. We were cold and stiff 
and the horses were tired. We decided to build a 
sage-brush fire and camp out till morning. This 
was wise, because if we were wandering from the 
right road and the snow-storm continued another 
day our case would be the next thing to hopeless if 
we kept on. 

All agreed that a camp fire was what would come 
nearest to saving us, now, and so we set about build- 
ing it. We could find no matches, and so we tried 
to make shift with the pistols. Not a man in the 
party had ever tried to do such a thing before, but 
not a man in the party doubted that it could be 
done, and without any trouble — because every man 
in the party had read about it in books many a time 
and had naturally come to believe it, with trusting 

(254) 



Roughing It 255 

simplicity, just as he had long ago accepted and 
believed that other common book-fraud about In- 
dians and lost hunters making a fire by rubbing two 
dry sticks together. 

We huddled together on our knees in the deep 
snow, and the horses put their noses together and 
bowed their patient heads over us; and while the 
feathery flakes eddied down and turned us into a 
group of white statuary, we proceeded with the 
momentous experiment. We broke twigs from a 
sage-bush and piled them on a little cleared place in 
the shelter of our bodies. In the course of ten or 
fifteen minutes all was ready, and then, while con- 
versation ceased and our pulses beat low with 
anxious suspense, Ollendorff applied his revolver, 
pulled the trigger and blew the pile clear out of the 
county ! It was the flattest failure that ever was. 

This was distressing, but it paled before a greater 
horror — the horses were gone! I had been ap- 
pointed to hold the bridles, but in my absorbing 
anxiety over the pistol experiment I had uncon- 
sciously dropped them and the released animals had 
walked off in the storm. It was useless to try to 
follow them, for their footfalls could make no 
sound, and one could pass within two yards of the 
creatures and never see them. We gave them up 
without an effort at recovering them, and cursed the 
lying books that said horses would stay by their 
masters for protection and companionship in a dis- 
tressful time like ours. 



256 Roughing It 

We were miserable enough, before; we felt still 
more forlorn, now. Patiently, but with blighted 
hope, we broke more sticks and piled them, and 
once more the Prussian shot them into annihilation. 
Plainly, to light a fire with a pistol was an art re- 
quiring practice and experience, and the middle of a 
desert at midnight in a snow-storm was not a good 
place or time for the acquiring of the accomplish- 
ment. We gave it up and tried the other. Each man 
took a couple of sticks and fell to chafing them 
together. At the end of half an hour we were 
thoroughly chilled, and so were the sticks. We 
bitterly execrated the Indians, the hunters, and the 
books that had betrayed us with the silly device, and 
wondered dismally what was next to be done. At 
this critical moment Mr. Ballou fished out four 
matches from the rubbish of an overlooked pocket. 
To have found four gold bars would have seemed 
poor and cheap good luck compared to this. One 
cannot think how good a match looks under such 
circumstances — or how lovable and precious, and 
sacredly beautiful to the eye. This time we gathered 
sticks with high hopes; and when Mr. Ballou pre- 
pared to light the first match, there was an amount 
of interest centered upon him that pages of writing 
could not describe. The match burned hopefully a 
moment, and then went out. It could not have car- 
ried more regret with it if it had been a human life. 
The next match simply flashed and died. The wind 
puffed the third one out just as it was on the 



Roughing It 257 

imminent verge of success. We gathered together 
closer than ever, and developed a solicitude that was 
rapt and painful, as Mr. Ballou scratched our last 
hope on his leg. It lit, burned blue and sickly, and 
then budded into a robust flame. Shading it with 
his hands, the old gentleman bent gradually down 
and every heart went with him — -everybody, too, 
tor that matter — and blood and breath stood still. 
The flame touched the sticks at last, took gradual 
hold upon them — hesitated — took a stronger hold 
— hesitated again — held its breath five heart-break- 
ing seconds, then gave a sort of human gasp, and 
went out. 

Nobody said a word for several minutes. It was 
a solemn sort of silence ; even the wind put on a 
stealthy, sinister quiet, and made no more noise 
than the falling flakes of snow. Finally a sad-voiced 
conversation began, and it was soon apparent that 
in each of our hearts lay the conviction that this 
was our last night with the living. I had so hoped 
that I was the only one who felt so. When 
the others calmly acknowledged their conviction, 
it sounded like the summons itself. Ollendorff 
said : 

"Brothers, let us die together. And let us go 
without one hard feeling towards each other. Let 
us forget and forgive bygones. I know that you 
have felt hard towards me for turning over the 
canoe, and for knowing too much and leading you 
round and round in the snow — but I meant well; 
17 • 



258 Roughing It 

forgive me. I acknowledge freely that I have had 
hard feelings against Mr. Ballou for abusing me and 
calling me a logarithm, which is a thing I do not 
know what, but no doubt a thing considered dis- 
graceful and unbecoming in America, and it has 
scarcely been out of my mind and has hurt me a 
great deal — but let it go; I forgive Mr. Ballou 
tvith all my heart, and — ' ' 

Poor Ollendorff broke down and the tears came. 
He was not alone, for I was crying too, and so was 
Mr. Ballou. Ollendorff got his voice again and 
forgave me for things I had done and said. Then 
he got out his bottle of whisky and said that whether 
he lived or died he would never touch another drop. 
He said he had given up all hope of life, and 
although ill-prepared, was ready to submit humbly 
to his fate ; that he wished he could be spared a 
little longer, not for any selfish reason, but to make 
a thorough reform in his character, and by devoting 
himself to helping the poor, nursing the sick, and 
pleading with the people to guard themselves against 
the evils of intemperance, make his life a beneficent 
example to the young, and lay it down at last with the 
precious reflection that it had not been lived in vain. 
He ended by saying that his reform should begin at 
this moment, even here in the presence of death, 
since no longer time was to be vouchsafed wherein 
to prosecute it to men's help and benefit — and with 
that he threw away the bottle of whisky. 

Mr. Ballou made remarks of similar purport, and 



Roughing It 259 

began the reform he could not live to continue, by- 
throwing away the ancient pack of cards that had 
solaced our captivity during the flood and made it 
bearable. He said he never gambled, but still was 
satisfied that the meddling with cards in any way was 
immoral and injurious, and no man could be wholly 
pure and blemishless without eschewing them. 
M And therefore," continued he, <4 in doing this act 
I already feel more in sympathy with that spiritual 
saturnalia necessary to entire and obsolete reform." 
These rolling syllables touched him as no intelligible 
eloquence could have done, and the old man sobbed 
with a mournfulness not unmingled with satisfaction. 

My own remarks were of the same tenor as those 
of my comrades, and I know that the feelings that 
prompted them were heartfelt and sincere. We 
were all sincere, and all deeply moved and earnest, 
for we were in the presence of death and without 
hope. I threw away my pipe, and in doing it felt 
that at last I was free of a hated vice and one that 
had ridden me like a tyrant all my days. While I 
yet talked, the thought of the good I might have 
done in the world, and the still greater good I might 
now do, with these new incentives and higher and 
better aims to guide me if I could only be spared a 
few years longer, overcame me and the tears came 
again. We put our arms about each other's necks 
and awaited the warning drowsiness that precedes 
death by freezing. 

It came stealing over us presently, and then we 



260 Roughing It 

bade each other a last farewell. A delicious dreami- 
ness wrought its web about my yielding senses, while 
the snow-flakes wove a winding sheet about my 
conquered body. Oblivion came. The battle of 
life was done. 



CHAPTER XXXIII. 

I DO not know how long I was in a state of for- 
getfulness, but it seemed an age. A vague con- 
sciousness grew upon me by degrees, and then came 
a gathering anguish of pain in my limbs and through 
all my body. I shuddered. The thought flitted 
through my brain, "this is death — this is the 
hereafter." 

Then came a white upheaval at my side, and a 
voice said, with bitterness: 

* ' Will some gentleman be so good as to kick me 
behind ?" 

It was Ballou — at least it was a towzled snow 
image in a sitting posture, with Ballou' s voice. 

I rose up, and there in the gray dawn, not fifteen 
steps from us, were the frame buildings of a stage 
station, and under a shed stood our still saddled and 
bridled horses ! 

An arched snow-drift broke up, now, and Ollen- 
dorff emerged from it, and the three of us sat and 
stared at the houses without speaking a word. We 
really had nothing to say. We were like the profane 
man who could not "do the subject justice," the 

(261) 



262 Roughing It 

whole situation was so painfully ridiculous and humil- 
iating that words were tame and we did not know 
where to commence anyhow. 

The joy in our hearts at our deliverance was 
poisoned; well-nigh dissipated, indeed. We pres- 
ently began to grow pettish by degrees, and sullen; 
and then, angry at each other, angry at ourselves, 
angry at everything in general, we moodily dusted 
the snow from our clothing and in unsociable single 
file plowed our way to the horses, unsaddled them, 
and sought shelter in the station. 

I have scarcely exaggerated a detail of this curious 
and absurd adventure. It occurred almost exactly 
as I have stated it. We actually went into camp in 
a snow-drift in a desert, at midnight in a storm, 
forlorn and hopeless, within fifteen steps of a com- 
fortable inn. 

For two hours we sat apart in the station and 
ruminated in disgust. The mystery was gone, now, 
and it was plain enough why the horses had deserted 
us. Without a doubt they were under that shed a 
quarter of a minute after they had left us, and 
they must have overheard and enjoyed all our 
confessions and lamentations. 

After breakfast we felt better, and the zest of life 
soon came back. The world looked bright again, 
and existence was as dear to us as ever. Presently 
an uneasiness came over me — grew upon me — 
assailed me without ceasing. Alas, my regeneration 
was not complete — I wanted to smoke ! I resisted 




RESURRECTED VICES 



Roughing It 26} 

with all my strength, but the flesh was weak. I 
wandered away alone and wrestled with myself an 
hour. I recalled my promises of reform and 
preached to myself persuasively, upbraidingly, ex- 
haustively. But it was all vain, I shortly found my- 
self sneaking among the snowdrifts hunting for my 
pipe. I discovered it after a considerable search, 
and crept away to hide myself and enjoy it. I re- 
mained behind the barn a good while, asking myself 
how I would feel if my braver, stronger, truer com- 
rades should catch me in my degradation. At last 
I lit the pipe, and no human being can feel meaner 
and baser than I did then. I was ashamed of being 
in my own pitiful company. Still dreading dis- 
covery, I felt that perhaps the further side of the 
barn would be somewhat safer, and so I turned the 
corner. As I turned the one corner, smoking, 
Ollendorff turned the other with his bottle to his lips, 
and between us sat unconscious Ballou deep in a 
game of * ' solitaire ' ' with the old greasy cards ! 

Absurdity could go no farther. We shook hands 
and agreed to say no more about ' 4 reform ' ' and 
" examples to the rising generation." 

The station we were at was at the verge of the 
Twenty-six Mile Desert. If we had approached it 
half an hour earlier the night before, we must have 
heard men shouting there and firing pistols; for 
they were expecting some sheep drovers and their 
flocks and knew that they would infallibly get lost 
and wander out of reach of help unless guided by 



264 Roughing It 

sounds. While we remained at the station, three of 
the drovers arrived, nearly exhausted with their 
wanderings, but two others of their party were never 
heard of afterward. 

We reached Carson in due time, and took a rest. 
This rest, together with preparations for the journey 
to Esmeralda, kept us there a week, and the delay 
gave us the opportunity to be present at the trial of 
the great landslide case of Hyde vs. Morgan — an 
episode which is famous in Nevada to this day. 
After a word or two of necessary explanation, I 
will set down the history of this singular affair just 
as it transpired. 



CHAPTER XXXIV. 

THE mountains are very high and steep about 
Carson, Eagle, and Washoe Valleys — very 
high and very steep, and so when the snow gets to 
melting off fast in the spring and the warm surface- 
earth begins to moisten and soften, the disastrous 
landslides commence. The reader cannot know 
what a landslide is, unless he has lived in that 
country and seen the whole side of a mountain taken 
off some fine morning and deposited down in the 
valley, leaving a vast, treeless, unsightly scar upon 
the mountain's front to keep the circumstance fresh 
in his memory all the years that he may go on liv- 
ing within seventy miles of that place. 

General Buncombe was shipped out to Nevada in 
the invoice of Territorial officers, to be United States 
Attorney. He considered himself a lawyer of parts, 
and he very much wanted an opportunity to mani- 
fest it — partly for the pure gratification of it and 
partly because his salary was Territorially meager 
(which is a strong expression) . Now the older citi- 
zens of a new Territory look down upon the rest of 
the world with a calm, benevolent compassion, as long 

(265) 



266 Roughing It 

as it keeps out of the way — when it gets in the way 
they snub it. Sometimes this latter takes the shape 
of a practical joke. 

One morning Dick Hyde rode furiously up to 
General Buncombe's door in Carson City and rushed 
into his presence without stopping to tie his horse. 
He seemed much excited. He told the General that 
he wanted him to conduct a suit for him and would 
pay him five hundred dollars if he achieved a victory. 
And then, with violent gestures and a world of pro- 
fanity, he poured out his griefs. He said it was 
pretty well known that for some years he had been 
farming (or ranching as the more customary term 
is) in Washoe District, and making a successful 
thing of it, and furthermore it was known that his 
ranch was situated just in the edge of the valley, and 
that Tom Morgan owned a ranch immediately above 
it on the mountain side. And now the trouble was, 
that one of those hated and dreaded landslides had 
come and slid Morgan's ranch, fences, cabins, cattle, 
barns, and everything down on top of his ranch and 
exactly covered up every single vestige of his 
property, to a depth of about thirty-eight feet. 
Morgan was in possession and refused to vacate the 
premises — said he was occupying his own cabin and 
not interfering with anybody else's — and said the 
cabin was standing on the same dirt and same ranch 
it had always stood on, and he would like to see 
anybody make him vacate. 

"And when I reminded him," said Hyde, weep- 



Roughing It 267 

ing, ' ' that it was on top of my ranch and that he 
was trespassing, he had the infernal meanness to ask 
me why didn't I stay on my ranch and hold posses- 
sion when I see him a-coming ! Why didn't I stay 
on it, the blathering lunatic — by George, when I 
heard that racket and looked up that hill it was just 
like the whole world was a-ripping and a-tearing 
down that mountain side — splinters and cord- 
wood, thunder and lightning, hail and snow, odds 
and ends of haystacks, and awful clouds of dust ! 
— trees going end over end in the air, rocks as big 
as a house jumping 'bout a thousand feet high and 
busting into ten million pieces, cattle turned inside 
out and a-coming head on with their tails hanging out 
between their teeth ! — and in the midst of all that 
wrack and destruction sot that cussed Morgan on his 
gatepost, a- wondering why I didn't stay and hold 
possession! Laws bless me, I just took one glimpse, 
General, and lit out'n the county in three jumps 
exactly. 

i ' But what grinds me is that that Morgan hangs 
on there and won't move off'n that ranch — says it's 
his'n and he's going to keep it — likes it better'n he 
did when it was higher up the hill. Mad ! Well, 
I've been so mad for two days I couldn't find my 
way to town — been wandering around in the brush 
in a starving condition — got anything here to drink, 
General? But I'm here now, and I'm a-going to 
law. You hear me!" 

Never in all the world, perhaps, were a man's feel- 



268 Roughing It 

ings so outraged as were the General's. He said he 
had never heard of such high-handed conduct in all 
his life as this Morgan's. And he said there was no 
use in going to law — Morgan had no shadow of right 
to remain where he was — nobody in the wide world 
would uphold him in it, and no lawyer would take 
his case and no judge listen to it. Hyde said that 
right there was where he was mistaken — everybody 
in town sustained Morgan; Hal Brayton, a very 
smart lawyer, had taken his case; the courts being 
in vacation, it was to be tried before a referee, and 
ex-Governor Roop had already been appointed to 
that office, and would open his court in a large public 
hall near the hotel at two that afternoon. 

The General was amazed. He said he had sus- 
pected before that the people of that Territory were 
fools, and now he knew it. But he said rest easy, 
rest easy and collect the witnesses, for the victory 
was just as certain as if the conflict were already 
over. Hyde wiped away his tears and left. 

At two in the afternoon referee Roop's Court 
opened, and Roop appeared throned among his 
sheriffs, the witnesses, and spectators, and wearing 
upon his face a solemnity so awe-inspiring that some 
of his fellow-conspirators had misgivings that maybe 
he had not comprehended, after all, that this was 
merely a joke. An unearthly stillness prevailed, for 
at the slightest noise the judge uttered sternly the 
command : 

"Order in the Court !" 



Roughing It 269 

And the sheriffs promptly echoed it. Presently 
the General elbowed his way through the crowd of 
spectators, with his arms full of law-books, and on 
his ears fell an order from the judge which was the 
first respectful recognition of his high official dignity 
that had ever saluted them, and it trickled pleasantly 
through his whole system : 

i4 Way for the United States Attorney !" 

The witnesses were called — legislators, high gov- 
ernment officers, ranchmen, miners, Indians, China- 
men, negroes. Three-fourths of them were called 
by the defendant Morgan, but no matter, their testi- 
mony invariably went in favor of the plaintiff Hyde. 
Each new witness only added new testimony to the 
absurdity of a man's claiming to own another man's 
property because his farm had slid down on top of 
it. Then the Morgan lawyers made their speeches, 
and seemed to make singularly weak ones — they 
did really nothing to help the Morgan cause. And 
now the General, with exultation in his face, got up 
and made an impassioned effort; he pounded the 
table, he banged the law-books, he shouted, and 
roared, and howled, he quoted from everything and 
everybody, poetry, sarcasm, statistics, history, pathos, 
bathos, blasphemy, and wound up with a grand war- 
whoop for free speech, freedom of the press, free 
schools, the Glorious Bird of America and the prin- 
ciples of eternal justice ! [Applause.] 

When the General sat down, he did it with the con- 
viction that if there was anything in good strong 



270 Roughing It 

testimony, a great speech and believing and admiring 
countenances all around, Mr. Morgan's case was 
killed. Ex-Governor Roop leant his head upon his 
hand for some minutes, thinking, and the still audi- 
ence waited for his decision. And then he got up and 
stood erect, with bended head, and thought again. 
Then he walked the floor with long, deliberate 
strides, his chin in his hand, and still the audience 
waited. At last he returned to his throne, seated 
himself, and began, impressively: 

"Gentlemen, I feel the great responsibility ■ that 
rests upon me this day. This is no ordinary case. 
On the contrary, it is plain that it is the most 
solemn and awful that ever man was called upon to 
decide. Gentlemen, I have listened attentively to the 
evidence, and have perceived that the weight of it, 
the overwhelming weight of it, is in favor of the 
plaintiff Hyde. I have listened also to the remarks 
of counsel, with high interest — and especially will I 
commend the masterly and irrefutable logic of the 
distinguished gentleman who represents the plaintiff. 
But, gentlemen, let us beware how we allow mere 
human testimony, human ingenuity in argument and 
human ideas of equity, to influence us at a moment 
so solemn as this. Gentlemen, it ill becomes us, 
worms as we are, to meddle with the decrees of 
Heaven. It is plain to me that Heaven, in its in- 
scrutable wisdom, has seen fit to move this defend- 
ant's ranch for a purpose. We are but creatures, 
and we must submit. If Heaven has chosen to favor 



Roughing It 271 

the defendant Morgan in this marked and wonderful 
manner; and if Heaven, dissatisfied with the posi- 
tion of the Morgan ranch upon the mountain side, 
has chosen to remove it to a position more eligible 
and more advantageous for its owner, it ill becomes 
us, insects as we are, to question the legality of the 
act or inquire into the reasons that prompted it. 
No — Heaven created the ranches, and it is Heaven's 
prerogative to rearrange them, to experiment with 
them, to shift them around at its pleasure. It is for 
us to submit, without repining. I warn you that this 
thing which has happened is a thing with which the 
sacrilegious hands and brains and tongues of men 
must not meddle. Gentlemen, it is the verdict of 
this court that the plaintiff, Richard Hyde, has been 
deprived of his ranch by the visitation of God ! 
And from this decision there is no appeal." 

Buncombe seized his cargo of law-books and 
plunged out of the court-room frantic with indigna- 
tion. He pronounced Roop to be a miraculous fool, 
an inspired idiot. In all good faith he returned at 
night and remonstrated with Roop upon his ex- 
travagant decision, and implored him to walk the 
floor and think for half an hour, and see if he could 
not figure out some sort of modification of the ver- 
dict. Roop yielded at last and got up to walk. He 
walked two hours and a half, and at last his face lit 
up happily and he told Buncombe it had occurred to 
him that the ranch underneath the new Morgan ranch 
still belonged to Hyde, that his title to the ground 



272 Roughing It 

was just as good as it had ever been, and therefore 
he was of opinion that Hyde had a right to dig it out 
from under there and — 

The General never waited to hear the end of it. 
He was always an impatient and irascible man, 
that way. At the end of two months the fact that 
he had been played upon with a joke had managed 
to bore itself, like another Koosac Tunnel, through 
the solid adamant of his understanding. 



CHAPTER XXXV. 

WHEN we finally left for Esmeralda, horseback, 
we had an addition to the company in the 
person of Capt. John Nye, the Governor's brother. 
He had a good memory, and a tongue hung in the 
middle. This is a combination which gives immor- 
tality to conversation. Capt. John never suffered 
the talk to flag or falter once during the hundred 
and twenty miles of the journey. In addition to 
his conversational powers, he had one or two other 
endowments of a marked character. One was a 
singular "handiness" about doing anything and 
everything, from laying out a railroad or organizing 
a political party, down to sewing on buttons, shoe- 
ing a horse, or setting a broken leg, or a hen. 
Another was a spirit of accommodation that 
prompted him to take the needs, difficulties, and 
perplexities of anybody and everybody upon his 
own shoulders at any and all times, and dispose of 
them with admirable facility and alacrity — hence he 
always managed to find vacant beds in crowded 
inns, and plenty to eat in the emptiest larders. And 
finally, wherever he met a man, woman or child, in 
18* (273) 



274 Roughing It 

camp, inn, or desert, he either knew such parties 
personally or had been acquainted with a relative of 
the same. Such another traveling comrade was 
never seen before. I cannot forbear giving a speci- 
men of the way in which he overcame difficulties. 
On the second day out, we arrived, very tired and 
hungry, at a poor little inn in the desert, and were 
told that the house was full, no provisions on hand, 
and neither hay nor barley to spare for the horses — 
we must move on. The rest of us wanted to hurry 
on while it was yet light, but Capt. John insisted on 
stopping awhile. We dismounted and entered. There 
was no welcome for us on any face. Capt. John be- 
gan his blandishments, and within twenty minutes he 
had accomplished the following things, viz. : found 
old acquaintances in three teamsters ; discovered that 
he used to go to school with the landlord's mother; 
recognized his wife as a lady whose life he had saved 
once in California, by stopping her runaway horse ; 
mended a child's broken toy and won the favor of 
its mother, a guest of the inn ; helped the hostler 
bleed a horse, and prescribed for another horse that 
had the * ' heaves ' ' ; treated the entire party three 
times at the landlord's bar; produced a later paper 
than anybody had seen for a week and sat himself 
down to read the news to a deeply-interested audi- 
ence. The result, summed up, was as follows: The 
hostler found plenty of feed for our horses ; we had 
a trout supper, an exceedingly sociable time after it, 
good beds to sleep in, and a surprising breakfast in 



Roughing It 275 

the morning — and when we left, we left lamented 
by all ! Capt. John had some bad traits, but he had 
some uncommonly valuable ones to offset them with. 
Esmeralda was in many respects another Hum- 
boldt, but in a little more forward state. The claims 
we had been paying assessments on were entirely 
worthless, and we threw them away. The principal 
one cropped out of the top of a knoll that was 
fourteen feet high, and the inspired Board of 
Directors were running a tunnel under that knoll to 
strike the ledge. The tunnel would have to be 
seventy feet long, and would then strike the ledge at 
the same depth that a shaft twelve feet deep would 
have reached ! The Board were living on the 
i( assessments." [N. B. — This hint comes too late 
for the enlightenment of New York silver miners; 
they have already learned all about this neat trick by 
experience.] The Board had no desire to strike the 
ledge, knowing that it was as barren of silver as a 
curbstone. This reminiscence calls to mind Jim 
Townsend's tunnel. He had paid assessments on a 
mine called the " Daley" till he was well-nigh 
penniless. Finally an assessment was levied to run 
a tunnel two hundred and fifty feet on the Daley, 
and Townsend went up on the hill to look into 
matters. He found the Daley cropping out of the 
apex of an exceedingly sharp-pointed peak, and a 
couple of men up there "facing" the proposed 
tunnel. Townsend made a calculation. Then he 
said to the men : 



276 Roughing It 

" So you have taken a contract to run a tunnel 
into this hill two hundred and fifty feet to strike this 
ledge ?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"Well, do you know that you have got one of 
the most expensive and arduous undertakings before 
you that was ever conceived by man?" 

••Why no — how is that?" 

* \ Because this hill is only twenty-five feet through 
from side to side ; and so you have got to build two 
hundred and twenty-five feet of your tunnel on 
trestle-work ! ' ' 

The ways of silver mining Boards are exceedingly 
dark and sinuous. 

We took up various claims, and commenced shafts 
and tunnels on them, but never finished any of 
them. We had to do a certain amount of work on 
each to "hold" it, else other parties could seize 
our property after the expiration of ten days. We 
were always hunting up new claims and doing a little 
work on them and then waiting for a buyer — who 
never came. We never found any ore that would 
yield more than fifty dollars a ton ; and as the mills 
charged fifty dollars a ton for working ore and ex- 
tracting the silver, our pocket-money melted steadily 
away and none returned to take its place. We 
lived in a little cabin and cooked for ourselves ; and 
altogether it was a hard life, though a hopeful one — 
for we never ceased to expect fortune and a cus- 
tomer to burst upon us some day. 



Roughing It 277 

At last, when flour reached a dollar a pound, and 
money could not be borrowed on the best security 
at less than eight per cent, a month (I being without 
the security, too), I abandoned mining and went to 
milling. That is to say, I went to work as a com- 
mon laborer in a quartz mill, at ten dollars a week 
and board. 



CHAPTER XXXVI. 

I HAD already learned how hard and long and 
dismal a task it is to burrow down into the 
bowels of the earth and get out the coveted ore; 
and now I learned that the burrowing was only half 
the work; and that to get the silver out of the ore 
was the dreary and laborious other half of it. We 
had to turn out at six in the morning and keep at it 
till dark. This mill was a six-stamp affair, driven 
by steam. Six tall, upright rods of iron, as large as 
a man's ankle, and heavily shod with a mass of iron 
and steel at their lower ends, were framed together 
like a gate, and these rose and fell, one after the 
other, in a ponderous dance, in an iron box called 
a "battery." Each of these rods or stamps 
weighed six hundred pounds. One of us stood by 
the battery all day long, breaking up masses of 
silver-bearing rock with a sledge and shoveling it 
into the battery. The ceaseless dance of the stamps 
pulverized the rock to powder, and a stream of 
water that trickled into the battery turned it to a 
creamy paste. The minutest particles were driven 
through a fine wire screen which fitted close around 

(278) 



Roughing It 279 

the battery, and were washed into great tubs warmed 
by superheated steam — amalgamating pans, they 
are called. The mass of pulp in the pans was kept 
constantly stirred up by revolving " mullers." A 
quantity of quicksilver was kept always in the bat- 
tery, and this seized some of the liberated gold and 
silver particles and held on to them ; quicksilver was 
shaken in a fine shower into the pans, also, about 
every half hour, through a buckskin sack. Quan- 
tities of coarse salt and sulphate of copper were 
added, from time to time to assist the amalgamation 
by destroying base metals which coated the gold 
and silver and would not let it unite with the quick- 
silver. All these tiresome things we had to attend 
to constantly. Streams of dirty water flowed always 
from the pans and were carried off in broad wooden 
troughs to the ravine. One would not suppose that 
atoms of gold and silver would float on top of six 
inches of water, but they did ; and in order to catch 
them, coarse blankets were laid in the troughs, and 
little obstructing ' ' riffles ' ' charged with quicksilver 
were placed here and there across the troughs also. 
These riffles had to be cleaned and the blankets 
washed out every evening, to get their precious ac- 
cumulations — and after all this eternity of trouble 
one-third of the silver and gold in a ton of rock 
would find its way to the end of the troughs in the 
ravine at last and have to be worked over again 
some day. There is nothing so aggravating as 
silver milling. There never was any idle time in 



280 Roughing It 

that mill* There was always something to do. It 
is a pity that Adam could not have gone straight 
out of Eden into a quartz mill, in order to understand 
the full force of his doom to " earn his bread by the 
sweat of his brow." Every now and then, during 
the day, we had to scoop some pulp out of the 
pans, and tediously "wash" it in a horn spoon — 
wash it little by little over the edge till at last noth- 
ing was left but some little dull globules of quick- 
silver in the bottom. If they were soft and yield- 
ing, the pan needed some salt or some sulphate of 
copper or some other chemical rubbish to assist 
digestion ; if they were crisp to the touch and would 
retain a dint, they were freighted *with all the silver 
and gold they could seize and hold, and conse- 
quently the pans needed a fresh charge of quick- 
silver. When there was nothing else to do, one 
could always " screen tailings." That is to say, he 
could shovel up the dried sand that had washed 
down to the ravine through the troughs and dash it 
against an upright wire screen to free it from peb- 
bles and prepare it for working over. The process 
of amalgamation differed in the various mills, and 
this included changes in style of pans and other 
machinery, and a great diversity of opinion existed 
as to the best in use, but none of the methods em- 
ployed involved the principle of milling ore with- 
out " screening the tailings." Of all recreations in 
the world, screening tailings on a hot day, with a 
long-handled shovel, is the most undesirable. 



Roughing It 281 

At the end of the week the machinery was 
stopped and we " cleaned up." That is to say, we 
got the pulp out of the pans and batteries, and 
washed the mud patiently away till nothing was left 
but the long accumulating mass of quicksilver, with 
its imprisoned treasures. This we made into heavy, 
compact snowballs, and piled them up in a bright, 
luxurious heap for inspection. Making these snow- 
balls cost me a fine gold ring — that and ignorance 
together ; for the quicksilver invaded the ring with 
the same facility with which water saturates a 
sponge — separated its particles and the ring crum- 
bled to pieces. 

We put our pile of quicksilver balls into an iron 
retort that had a pipe leading from it to a pail of 
water, and then applied a roasting heat. The 
quicksilver turned to vapor, escaped through the 
pipe into the pail, and the water turned it into good 
wholesome quicksilver again. Quicksilver is very 
costly, and they never waste it. On opening the 
retort, there was our week's work — a lump of pure 
white, frosty looking silver, twice as large as a 
man's head. Perhaps a fifth of the mass was gold, 
but the color of it did not show — would not have 
shown if two-thirds of it had been gold. We melted 
it up and made a solid brick of it by pouring it into 
an iron brick-mold. 

By such a tedious and laborious process were 
silver bricks obtained. This mill was but one of 
many others in operation at the time. The first 



282 Roughing It 

one in Nevada was built at Egan Canyon and was a 
small insignificant affair and compared most unfavor- 
ably with some of the immense establishments after- 
ward located at Virginia City and elsewhere. 

From our bricks a little corner was chipped off 
for the " fire assay " — a method used to determine 
the proportions of gold, silver, and base metals in 
the mass. This is an interesting process. The chip 
is hammered out as thin as paper and weighed on 
scales so fine and sensitive that if you weigh a two- 
inch scrap of paper on them and then write your 
name on the paper with a coarse, soft pencil and 
weigh it again, the scales will take marked notice of 
the addition. Then a little lead (also weighed) is 
rolled up with the flake of silver, and the two are 
melted at a great heat in a small vessel called a 
cupel, made by compressing bone ashes into a cup- 
shape in a steel mold. The base metals oxydize 
and are absorbed with the lead into the pores of the 
cupel. A button or globule of perfectly pure gold 
and silver is left behind, and by weighing it and 
noting the loss, the assayer knows the proportion of 
base metal the brick contains. He has to separate 
the gold from the silver now. The button is ham- 
mered out flat and thin, put in the furnace and kept 
some time at a red heat ; after cooling it off it is 
rolled up like a quill and heated in a glass vessel 
containing nitric acid ; the acid dissolves the silver 
and leaves the gold pure and ready to be weighed 
on its own merits. Then salt water is poured into 



Roughing It 283 

the vessel containing the dissolved silver, and the 
silver returns to palpable form again and sinks to 
the bottom. Nothing now remains but to weigh it; 
then the proportions of the several metals contained 
in the brick are known, and the assayer stamps the 
value of the brick upon its surface. 

The sagacious reader will know now, without 
being told, that the speculative miner, in getting a 
' ' fire-assay ' ' made of a piece of rock from his mine 
(to help him sell the same) , was not in the habit of 
picking out the least valuable fragment of rock on 
his dump-pile, but quite the contrary. I have seen 
men hunt over a pile of nearly worthless quartz for 
an hour, and at last find a little piece as large as a 
filbert, which was rich in gold and silver — and this 
was reserved for a fire-assay ! Of course the fire- 
assay would demonstrate that a ton of such rock 
would yield hundreds of dollars — and on such 
assays many an utterly worthless mine was sold. 

Assaying was a good business, and so some men 
engaged in it, occasionally, who were not strictly 
scientific and capable. One assayer got such rich 
results out of all specimens brought to him that in 
time he acquired almost a monopoly of the business. 
But like all men who achieve success, he became an 
object of envy and suspicion. The other assayers 
entered into a conspiracy against him, and let some 
prominent citizens into the secret in order to show 
that they meant fairly. Then they broke a little 
fragment off a carpenter's grindstone and got a 



284 Roughing It 

stranger to take it to the popular scientist and get it 
assayed. In the course of an hour the result 
came — whereby it appeared that a ton of that rock 
would yield $1,284.40 in silver and $366.36 in gold ! 

Due publication of the whole matter was made in 
the paper, and the popular assayer left town ' ' be- 
tween two days." 

I will remark, in passing, that I only remained in 
the milling business one week. I told my employer 
I could not stay longer without an advance in my 
wages; that I liked quartz milling, indeed was in- 
fatuated with it; that I had never before grown so 
tenderly attached to an occupation in so short a 
time; that nothing, it seemed to me, gave such 
scope to intellectual activity as feeding a battery and 
screening tailings, and nothing so stimulated the 
moral attributes as retorting bullion and washing 
blankets — still, I felt constrained to ask an increase 
of salary. 

He said he was paying me ten dollars a week, and 
thought it a good round sum. How much did I 
want? 

I said about four hundred thousand dollars a 
month, and board, was about all I could reasonably 
ask, considering the hard times. 

I was ordered off the premises ! And yet, when 
I look back to those days and call to mind the ex- 
ceeding hardness of the labor I performed in that 
mill, I only regret that I did not ask him seven hun- 
dred thousand. 



Roughing It 285 

Shortly after this I began to grow crazy, along 
with the rest of the population, about the mysterious 
and wonderful " cement mine," and to make prepa- 
rations to take advantage of any opportunity that 
might offer to go and help hunt for it. 



CHAPTER XXXVII. 

IT was somewhere in the neighborhood of Mono 
Lake that the marvelous Whiteman cement mine 
was supposed to lie. Every now and then it would 
be reported that Mr. W. had passed stealthily 
through Esmeralda at dead of night, in disguise, 
and then we would have a wild excitement — be- 
cause he must be steering for his secret mine, and 
now was the time to follow him. In less than three 
hours after daylight all the horses and mules and 
donkeys in the vicinity would be bought, hired, or 
stolen, and half the community would be off for the 
mountains, following in the wake of Whiteman. But 
W. would drift about through the mountain gorges 
for days together, in a purposeless sort of way, 
until the provisions of the miners ran out, and they 
would have to go back home. I have known it 
reported at eleven at night, in a large mining camp, 
that Whiteman had just passed through, and in two 
hours the streets, so quiet before, would be swarm- 
ing with men and animals. Every individual would 
be trying to be very secret, but yet venturing to 
whisper to just one neighbor that W. had passed 

(286) 



Roughing It 287 

through. And long before daylight — this in the 
dead of winter — the stampede would be complete, 
the camp deserted, and the whole population gone 
chasing after W. 

The tradition was that in the early immigration, 
more than twenty years ago, three young Germans, 
brothers, who had survived an Indian massacre on 
the Plains, wandered on foot through the deserts, 
avoiding all trails and roads, and simply holding a 
westerly direction and hoping to find California be- 
fore they starved or died of fatigue. And in a 
gorge in the mountains they sat down to rest one 
day, when one of them noticed a curious vein of 
cement running along the ground, shot full of lumps 
of dull yellow metal. They saw that it was gold, 
and that here was a fortune to be acquired in a single 
day. The vein was about as wide as a curbstone, 
and fully two-thirds of it was pure gold. Every 
pound of the wonderful cement was worth wellnigh 
$200. Each of the brothers loaded himself with 
about twenty-five pounds of it, and then they cov- 
ered up all traces of the vein, made a rude drawing 
of the locality and the principal landmarks in the 
vicinity, and started westward again. But troubles 
thickened about them. In their wanderings one 
brother fell and broke his leg, and the others were 
obliged to go on and leave him to die in the wilder- 
ness. Another worn out and starving, gave up by 
and by, and laid down to die, but after two or three 
weeks of incredible hardships, the third reached the 



288 Roughing It 

settlements of California exhausted, sick, and his 
mind deranged by his sufferings. He had thrown 
away all his cement but a few fragments, but these 
were sufficient to set everybody wild with excite- 
ment, However, he had had enough of the cement 
country, and nothing could induce him to lead a 
party thither. He was entirely content to work on 
a farm for wages. But he gave Whiteman his map, 
and described the cement region as well as he could, 
and thus transferred the curse to that gentleman — 
for when I had my one accidental glimpse of Mr. 
W. in Esmeralda he had been hunting for the lost 
mine, in hunger and thirst, poverty and sickness, 
for twelve or thirteen years. Some people believed 
he had found it, but most people believed he had 
not. I saw a piece of cement as large as my fist 
which was said to have been given to Whiteman by 
the young German, and it was of a seductive nature. 
Lumps of virgin gold were as thick in it as raisins in 
a slice of fruit cake. The privilege of working such 
a mine one week would be sufficient for a man of 
reasonable desires. 

A new partner of ours, a Mr. Higbie, knew 
Whiteman well by sight, and a friend of ours, a Mr. 
Van Dorn, was well acquainted with him, and not 
only that, but had Whiteman' s promise that he 
should have a private hint in time to enable him to 
join the next cement expedition. Van Dorn had 
promised to extend the hint to us. One evening 
Higbie came in greatly excited, and said he felt 



Roughing It 289 

certain he had recognized Whiteman, up town, dis- 
guised and in a pretended state of intoxication. In 
a little while Van Dorn arrived and confirmed the 
news ; and so we gathered in our cabin and with 
heads close together arranged our plans in impressive 
whispers. 

We were to leave town quietly, after midnight, in 
two or three small parties, so as not to attract atten- 
tion, and meet at dawn on the " divide " overlook- 
ing Mono Lake, eight or nine miles distant. We 
were to make no noise after starting, and not speak 
above a whisper under any circumstances. It was 
believed that for once Whiteman' s presence was un- 
known in the town and his expedition unsuspected. 
Our conclave broke up at nine o'clock, and we set 
about our preparations diligently and with profound 
secrecy. At eleven o'clock we saddled our horses, 
hitched them with their long riatas (or lassos), and 
then brought out a side of bacon, a sack of beans, a 
small sack of coffee, some sugar, a hundred pounds 
of flour in sacks, some tin cups and a coffee-pot, 
frying pan and some few other necessary articles. 
All these things were ' ' packed ' ' on the back of a 
led horse — and whoever has not been taught, by a 
Spanish adept, to pack an animal, let him never 
hope to do the thing by natural smartness. That is 
impossible. Higbie had had some experience, but 
was not perfect. He put on the pack saddle (a 
thing like a sawbuck) , piled the property on it, and 
then wound a rope all over and about it and under 
19* 



290 Roughing It 

it, " every which way," taking a hitch in it every 
now and then, and occasionally surging back on it 
till the horse's side sunk in and he gasped for breath 
— but every time the lashings grew tight in one 
place they loosened in another. We never did get 
the load tight all over, but we got it so that it would 
do, after a fashion, and then we started, in single 
file, close order, and without a word. It was a dark 
night. We kept the middle of the road, and pro- 
ceeded in a slow walk past the rows of cabins, and 
whenever a miner came to his door I trembled for 
fear the light would shine on us and excite curiosity. 
But nothing happened. We began the long winding 
ascent of the canyon, toward the "divide," and 
presently the cabins began to grow infrequent, and 
the intervals between them wider and wider, and 
then I began to breathe tolerably freely and feel less 
like a thief and a murderer. I was in the rear, lead- 
ing the pack horse. As the ascent grew steeper he 
grew proportionately less satisfied with his cargo, 
and began to pull back on his riata occasionally and 
delay progress. My comrades were passing out of 
sight in the gloom. I was getting anxious. I 
coaxed and bullied the pack horse till I presently 
got him into a trot, and then the tin cups and pans 
strung about his person frightened him and he ran. 
His riata was wound around the pommel of my sad- 
dle, and so, as he went by he dragged me from my 
horse and the two animals traveled briskly on with- 
out me. But I was not alone — the loosened cargo 



Roughing It 291 

tumbled overboard from the pack horse and fell 
close to me. It was abreast of almost the last 
cabin. A miner came out and said : 

44 Hello !" 

I was thirty steps from him, and knew he could 
not see me, it was so very dark in the shadow of the 
mountain. So I lay still. Another head appeared 
in the light of the cabin door, and presently the two 
men walked toward me. They stopped within ten 
steps of me, and one said : 

44 'St! Listen." 

I could not have been in a more distressed state if 
I had been escaping justice with a price on my head. 
Then the miners appeared to sit down on a boulder, 
though I could not see them distinctly enough to be 
very sure what they did. One said: 

44 1 heard a noise, as plain as I ever heard any- 
thing. It seemed to be about there — " 

A stone whizzed by my head. I flattened myself 
out in the dust like a postage stamp, and thought to 
myself if he mended his aim ever so little he would 
probably hear another noise. In my heart, now, I 
execrated secret expeditions. I promised myself 
that this should be my last, though the Sierras were 
ribbed with cement veins. Then one of the men 
said: 

44 ril tell you what! Welch knew what he was 
talking about when he said he saw Whiteman to- 
day. I heard horses — that was the noise. I am 
going down to Welch's, right away." 



292 Roughing It 

They left and I was glad. I did not care whither 
they went, so they went. I was willing they should 
visit Welch, and the sooner the better. 

As soon as they closed their cabin door my com- 
rades emerged from the gloom; they had caught 
the horses and were waiting for a clear coast again. 
We remounted the cargo on the pack horse and got 
under way, and as day broke we reached the 
11 divide" and joined Van Dorn. Then we jour- 
neyed down into the valley of the lake, and feeling 
secure, we halted to cook breakfast, for we were 
tired and sleepy and hungry. Three hours later the 
rest of the population filed over the " divide " in a 
long procession, and drifted off out of sight around 
the borders of the lake ! 

Whether or not my accident had produced this 
result we never knew, but at least one thing was cer- 
tain — the secret was out and Whiteman would not 
enter upon a search for the cement mine this time. 
We were filled with chagrin. 

We held a council and decided to make the best 
of our misfortune and enjoy a week's holiday on the 
borders of the curious lake. Mono, it is sometimes 
called, and sometimes the " Dead Sea of California." 
It is one of the strangest freaks of Nature to be 
found in any land, but it is hardly ever mentioned 
in print and very seldom visited, because it lies away 
off the usual routes of travel, and besides is so diffi- 
cult to get at that only men content to endure the 
roughest life will consent to take upon themselves 



Roughing It 293 

the discomforts of such a trip. On the morning of 
our second day, we traveled around to a remote and 
particularly wild spot on the borders of the lake, 
where a stream of fresh, ice-cold water entered it 
from the mountain side, and then we went regularly 
into camp. We hired a large boat and two shot- 
guns from a lonely ranchman who lived some ten 
miles further on, and made ready for comfort and 
recreation. We soon got thoroughly acquainted 
with the lake and all its peculiarities. 



CHAPTER XXXVIII. 

\ A ONO LAKE lies in a lifeless, treeless, hideous 
■ » ■ desert, eight thousand feet above the level of 
the sea, and is guarded by mountains two thousand 
feet higher, whose summits are always clothed in 
clouds. This solemn, silent, sailless sea — this 
lonely tenant of the loneliest spot on earth — is little 
graced with the picturesque. It is an unpretending 
expanse of grayish water, about a hundred miles in 
circumference, with two islands in its center, mere 
upheavals of rent and scorched and blistered lava, 
snowed over with gray banks and drifts of pumice- 
stone and ashes, the winding sheet of the dead 
volcano, whose vast crater the lake has seized upon 
and occupied. 

The lake is two hundred feet deep, and its slug- 
gish waters are so strong with alkali that if you only 
dip the most hopelessly soiled garment into them 
once or twice, and wring it out, it will be found as 
clean as if it had been through the ablest of washer- 
women's hands. While we camped there our laun- 
dry work was easy. We tied the week's washing 
astern of our boat, and sailed a quarter of a mile, 
• and the job was complete, all to the wringing out. 

(294) 



Roughing It 295 

If we threw the water on our heads and gave them 
a rub or so, the white lather would pile up three 
inches high. This water is not good for bruised 
places and abrasions of the skin. We had a valu- 
able dog. He had raw places on him. He had 
more raw places on him than sound ones. He was 
the rawest dog I almost ever saw. He jumped 
overboard one day to get away from the flies. But 
it was bad judgment. In his condition, it would 
have been just as comfortable to jump into the fire. 
The alkali water nipped him in all the raw places 
simultaneously, and he struck out for the shore with 
considerable interest. He yelped and barked and 
howled as he went — and by the time he got to the 
shore there was no bark to him — for he had barked 
the bark all out of his inside, and the alkali water 
had cleaned the bark all off his outside, and he 
probably wished he had never embarked in any such 
enterprise. He ran round and round in a circle, 
and pawed the earth and clawed the air, and threw 
double somersaults, sometimes backward and some- 
times forward, in the most extraordinary manner. 
He was not a demonstrative dog, as a general thing, 
but rather of a grave and serious turn of mind, and 
I never saw him take so much interest in anything 
before. He finally struck out over the mountains, 
at a gait which we estimated at about two hundred 
and fifty miles an hour, and he is going yet. This 
was about nine years ago. We look for what is left 
of him along here every day. 



296 Roughing It 

■ 
A white man cannot drink the water of Mono 

Lake, for it is nearly pure lye. It is said that the 
Indians in the vicinity drink it sometimes, though. 
It is not improbable, for they are among the purest 
liars I ever saw. [There will be no additional 
charge for this joke, except to parties requiring an 
explanation of it. This joke has received high com- 
mendation from some of the ablest minds of the 
age.] 

There are no fish in Mono Lake — no frogs, no 
snakes, no polliwogs — nothing, in fact, that goes to 
make life desirable. Millions of wild ducks and sea- 
gulls swim about the surface, but no living thing 
exists under the surface, except a white feathery sort 
of worm, one-half an inch long, which looks like a 
bit of white thread frayed out at the sides. If you 
dip up a gallon of water, you will get about fifteen 
thousand of these. They give to the water a sort of 
grayish-white appearance. Then there is a fly, 
which looks something like our house fly. These 
settle on the beach to eat the worms that wash 
ashore — and any time, you can see there a belt of 
flies an inch deep and six feet wide, and this belt 
extends clear around the lake — a belt of flies one 
hundred miles long. If you throw a stone among 
them, they swarm up so thick that they look dense, 
like a cloud. You can hold them under water as 
long as you please — they do not mind it — they are 
only proud of it, When you let them go, they pop 
up to the surface as dry as a patent-office report. 



Roughing It 297 

and walk off as unconcernedly as if they haH been 
educated especially with a view to affording instruct- 
ive entertainment to man in that particular way. 
Providence leaves nothing to go by chance. All 
things have their uses and their part and proper 
place in Nature's economy: the ducks eat the flies 
— the flies eat the worms — the Indians eat all 
three — -the wild cats eat the Indians — the white 
folks eat the wild cats — and thus all things are 
lovely. 

Mono Lake is a hundred miles in a straight line 
from the ocean — and between it and the ocean are 
one or two ranges of mountains — yet thousands of 
sea-gulls go there every season to lay their eggs and 
rear their young. One would as soon expect to 
find sea-gulls in Kansas. And in this connection let 
us observe another instance of Nature's wisdom. 
The islands in the lake being merely huge masses of 
lava, coated over with ashes and pumice-stone, and 
utterly innocent of vegetation or anything that 
would burn; and sea-gulls' eggs being entirely use- 
less to anybody unless they be cooked, Nature has 
provided an unfailing spring of boiling water on the 
largest island, and you can put your eggs in there, 
and in four minutes you can boil them as hard as 
any statement I have made during the past fifteen 
years. Within ten feet of the boiling spring is a 
spring of pure cold water, sweet and wholesome. 
So, in that island you get your board and washing 
free of charge — and if nature had gone further and 



298 Roughing It 

furnished a nice American hotel clerk who was 
crusty and disobliging, and didn't know anything 
about the time tables, or the railroad routes — or — 
anything — and was proud of it — I would not wish 
for a more desirable boarding-house. 

Half a dozen little mountain brooks flow into 
Mono Lake, but not a stream of any kind flows out 
of it. It neither rises nor falls, apparently, and 
what it does with its surplus water is a dark and 
bloody mystery. 

There are only two seasons in the region round 
about Mono Lake — and these are, the breaking up 
of one winter and the beginning of the next. More 
than once (in Esmeralda) I have seen a perfectly 
blistering morning open up with the thermometer at 
ninety degrees at eight o'clock, and seen the snow 
fall fourteen inches deep and that same identical 
thermometer go down to forty-four degrees under 
shelter, before nine o'clock at night. Under favor* 
able circumstances it snows at least once in every 
single month in the year, in the little town of Mono. 
So uncertain is the climate in summer that a lady 
who goes out visiting cannot hope to be prepared 
for all emergencies unless she takes her fan under one 
arm and her snow shoes under the other. When 
they have a Fourth of July procession it generally 
snows on them, and they do say that as a general 
thing when a man calls for a brandy toddy there, 
the barkeeper chops it off with a hatchet and wraps 
it up in a paper, like maple sugar. And it is 



Roughing It 299 

further reported that the old soakers haven't any 
teeth — wore them out eating gin cocktails and 
brandy punches. I do not endorse that statement 
— I simply give it for what it is worth ■ — and it is 
worth — well, I should say, millions, to any man 
who can believe it without straining himself. But I 
do endorse the snow on the Fourth of July — be- 
cause I know that to be true. 



CHAPTER XXXIX. 

ABOUT seven o'clock one blistering hot morning 
— for it was now dead summer time — Higbie 
and I took the boat and started on a voyage of dis- 
covery to the two islands. We had often longed to 
do this, but had been deterred by the fear of storms; 
for they were frequent, and severe enough to capsize 
an ordinary rowboat like ours without great diffi- 
culty — and once capsized, death would ensue in 
spite of the bravest swimming, for that venomous 
water would eat a man's eyes out like fire, and burn 
him out inside, too, if he shipped a sea. It was 
called twelve miles, straight out to the islands — a 
long pull and a warm one — but the morning was so 
quiet and sunny, and the lake so smooth and glassy 
and dead, that we could not resist the temptation. 
So we filled two large tin canteens with water (since 
we were not acquainted with the locality of the 
spring said to exist on the large island), and started. 
Higbie' s brawny muscles gave the boat good speed, 
but by the time we reached our destination we 
judged that we had pulled nearer fifteen miles than 

twelve. 

(300) 



Roughing It 301 

We landed on the big island and went, ashore. 
We tried the water in the canteens, now, and found 
that the sun had spoiled it ; it was so brackish that 
we could not drink it; so we poured it out and 
began a search for the spring — for thirst augments 
fast as soon as it is apparent that one has no means 
at hand of quenching it. The island was a long, 
moderately high hill of ashes — nothing but gray 
ashes and pumice-stone, in which we sunk to our 
knees at every step — and all around the top was a 
forbidding wall of scorched and blasted rocks. 
When we reached the top and got within the wall, 
we found simply a shallow, far-reaching basin, car- 
peted with ashes, and here and there a patch of fine 
sand. In places, picturesque jets of steam shot up 
out of crevices, giving evidence that although this 
ancient crater had gone out of active business, there 
was still some fire left in its furnaces. Close to one 
of these jets of steam stood the only tree on the 
island — a small pine of most graceful shape and 
most faultless symmetry; its color was a brilliant 
green, for the steam drifted unceasingly through its 
branches and kept them always moist. It contrasted 
strangely enough, did this vigorous and beautiful 
outcast, with its dead and dismal surroundings. It 
was like a cheerful spirit in a mourning household. 

We hunted for the spring everywhere, traversing 
the full length of the island (two or three miles) , 
and crossing it twice — climbing ash-hills patiently, 
and then sliding down the other side in a sitting 



302 Roughing It 

posture, plowing up smothering volumes of gray 
dust. But we found nothing but solitude, ashes, 
and a heart-breaking silence. Finally we noticed 
that the wind had risen, and we forgot our thirst in 
a solicitude of greater importance; for, the lake 
being quiet, we had not taken pains about securing 
the boat. We hurried back to a point overlooking 
our landing place, and then — but mere words can- 
not describe our dismay — the boat was gone ! The 
chances were that there was not another boat on the 
entire lake. The situation was not comfortable — 
in truth, to speak plainly, it was frightful. We 
were prisoners on a desolate island, in aggravating 
proximity to friends who were for the present help- 
less to aid us ; and what was still more uncomfort- 
able was the reflection that we had neither food nor 
water. But presently we sighted the boat. It was 
drifting along, leisurely, about fifty yards from 
shore, tossing in a foamy sea. It drifted, and con- 
tinued to drift, but at the same safe distance from 
land, and we walked along abreast it and waited for 
fortune to favor us. At the end of an hour it ap- 
proached a jutting cape, and Higbie ran ahead and 
posted himself on the utmost verge and prepared 
for the assault. If we failed there, there was no 
hope for us. It was driving gradually shoreward all 
the time, now; but whether it was driving fast 
enough to make the connection or not was the 
momentous question. When it got within thirty 
steps of Higbie I was so excited that I fancied I 



Roughing It 303 

could hear my own heart beat. When, a little later, 
it dragged slowly along and seemed about to go by, 
only one little yard out of reach, it seemed as if my 
heart stood still ; and when it was exactly abreast 
him and be'gan to widen away, and he still standing 
like a watching statue, I knew my heart did stop. 
But when he gave a great spring, the next instant, 
and lit fairly in the stern, I discharged a war-whoop 
that awoke the solitudes ! 

But it dulled my enthusiasm, presently, when he 
told me he had not been caring whether the boat 
came within jumping distance or not, so that it 
passed within eight or ten yards of him, for he had 
made up his mind to shut his eyes and mouth and 
swim that trifling distance. Imbecile that I was, I 
had not thought of that. It was only a long swim 
that could be fatal. 

The sea was running high and the storm increas- 
ing. It was growing late, too — three or four in the 
afternoon. Whether to venture toward the mainland 
or not, was a question of some moment. But we 
were so distressed by thirst that we decided to try it, 
and so Higbie fell to work and I took the steering- 
oar. When we had pulled a mile, laboriously, we 
were evidently in serious peril, for the storm had 
greatly augmented ; the billows ran very high and 
were capped with foaming crests, the heavens were 
hung with black, and the wind blew with great fury. 
We would have gone back, now, but we did not dare 
to turn the boat around, because as soon as she got 



304 * Roughing It 

in the trough of the sea she would upset, of course. 
Our only hope lay in keeping her head-on to the 
seas. It was hard work to do this, she plunged so, 
and so beat and belabored the billows with her rising 
and falling bows. Now and then one of Higbie's 
oars would trip on the top of a wave, and the other 
one would snatch the boat half around in spite of 
my cumbersome steering apparatus. We were 
drenched by the sprays constantly, and the boat 
occasionally shipped water. By and by, powerful 
as my comrade was, his great exertions began to 
tell on him, and he was anxious that I should change 
places with him till he could rest a little. But I told 
him this was impossible ; for if the steering oar were 
dropped a moment while we changed, the boat would 
slue around into the trough of the sea, capsize, and 
in less than five minutes we would have a hundred 
gallons of soapsuds in us and be eaten up so quickly 
that we could not even be present at our own inquest. 

But things cannot last always. Just as the dark- 
ness shut down we came booming into port, head 
on. Higbie dropped his oars to hurrah — I dropped 
mine to help — the sea gave the boat a twist, anr 
over she went ! 

The agony that alkali water inflicts on bruises, 
chafes, and blistered hands, is unspeakable, and 
nothing but greasing all over will modify it — but 
we ate, drank, and slept well, that night, notwith- 
standing. 

In speaking of the peculiarities of Mono Lake, I 



Roughing It 305 

ought to have mentioned that at intervals all around 
its shores stand picturesque turret-looking masses 
and clusters of a whitish, coarse-grained rock that 
resembles inferior mortar dried hard; and if one 
breaks off fragments of this rock he will find per- 
fectly shaped and thoroughly petrified gulls' eggs 
deeply imbedded in the mass. How did they get 
there? I simply state the fact — for it is a fact — 
and leave the geological reader to crack the nut at 
his leisure and solve the problem after his own 
fashion. 

At the end of a week we adjourned to the Sierras 
on a fishing excursion, and spent several days in 
camp under snowy Castle Peak, and fished success- 
fully for trout in a bright, miniature lake whose, sur- 
face was between ten and eleven thousand feet above 
the level of the sea; cooling ourselves during the 
hot August noons by sitting on snowbanks ten feet 
deep, under whose sheltering edges fine grass and 
dainty flowers flourished luxuriously; and at night 
entertaining ourselves by almost freezing to death. 
Then we returned to Mono Lake, and finding that 
the cement excitement was over for the present, 
packed up and went back to Esmeralda. Mr. 
Ballou reconnoitered awhile, and not liking the pros- 
pect, set out alone for Humboldt. 

About this time occurred a little incident which 
has always had a sort of interest to me, from the 
fact that it came so near " instigating " my funeral. 
At a time when an Indian attack had been expected, 



306 Roughing It 

the citizens hid their gunpowder where it would be 
safe and yet convenient to hand when wanted. A 
neighbor of ours hid six cans of rifle powder in the 
bake-oven of an old discarded cooking stove which 
stood on the open ground near a frame outhouse or 
shed, and from and after that day never thought of 
it again. We hired a half-tamed Indian to do some 
washing for us, and he took up quarters under the 
shed with his tub. The ancient stove reposed within 
six feet of him, and before his face. Finally it oc- 
curred to him that hot water would be better than 
cold, and he went out and fired up under that for- 
gotten powder magazine and set on a kettle of water. 
Then he returned to his tub. I entered the shed 
presently and threw down some more clothes, and 
was about to speak to him when the stove blew up 
with a prodigious crash, and disappeared, leaving 
not a splinter behind. Fragments of it fell in the 
streets full two hundred yards away. Nearly a third 
of the shed roof over our heads was destroyed, and 
one of the stove lids, after cutting a small stanchion 
half in two in front of the Indian, whizzed between 
us and drove partly through the weather-boarding 
beyond. I was as white as a sheet and as weak as a 
kitten and speechless. But the Indian betrayed no 
trepidation, no distress, not even discomfort. He 
simply stopped washing, leaned forward and sur- 
veyed the clean, blank ground a moment, and then 
remarked : 

"Mph! Dam stove heap gone!" — and re- 



Roughing It 307 

sumed his scrubbing as placidly as if it were an 
entirely customary thing for a stove to do. I will 
explain, that "heap" is " Injun-English " for 
11 very much." The reader will perceive the ex- 
haustive expressiveness of it in the present instance. 



«» 



CHAPTER XL. 

I NOW come to a curious episode — the most 
curious, I think, that had yet accented my sloth- 
ful, valueless, heedless career. Out of a hillside 
toward the upper end of the town, projected a wall 
of reddish looking quartz-croppings, the exposed 
comb of a silver-bearing ledge that extended deep 
down into the earth, of course. It was owned by a 
company entitled the "Wide West." There was a 
shaft sixty or seventy feet deep on the under side of 
the croppings, and everybody was acquainted with 
the rock that came from it — and tolerably rich rock 
it was, too, but nothing extraordinary. I will re- 
mark here, that although to the inexperienced 
stranger all the quartz of a particular "" district " 
looks about alike, an old resident of the camp can 
take a glance at a mixed pile of rock, separate the 
fragments and tell you which mine each came from, 
as easily as a confectioner can separate and classify 
the various kinds and qualities of candy in a mixed 
heap of the article. 

All at once the town was thrown into a state of 
extraordinary excitement. In mining parlance the 

(308; 



Roughing It 309 

Wide West had " struck it rich !" Everybody went 
to see the new developments, and for some days 
there was such a crowd of people about the Wide 
West shaft that a stranger would have supposed 
there was a mass meeting in session there. No 
other topic was discussed but the rich strike, and 
nobody thought or dreamed about anything else. 
Every man brought away a specimen, ground it up 
in a hand mortar, washed it out in his horn spoon, 
and glared speechless upon the marvelous result. 
It was not hard rock, but black, decomposed stuff 
which could be crumbled in the hand like a baked 
potato, and when spread out on a paper exhibited a 
thick sprinkling of gold and particles of " native' ' 
silver. Higbie brought a handful to the cabin, and 
when he had washed it out his amazement was be- 
yond description. Wide West stock soared sky- 
wards. It was said that repeated offers had been 
made for it at a thousand dollars a foot, and 
promptly refused. We have all had the "blues" 
— the mere skyblues — but mine were indigo, 
now — because I did not own in the Wide West. 
The world seemed hollow to me, and existence a' 
grief. I lost my appetite, and ceased to take an 
interest in anything. Still I had to stay, and listen 
to other people's rejoicings, because I had no money 
to get out of the camp with. 

The Wide West company put a stop to the carry- 
ing away of " specimens," and well they might, for 
every handful of the ore was worth a sum of some 



310 Roughing It 

consequence. To show the exceeding value of the 
ore, I will remark that a sixteen-hundred-pounds 
parcel of it was sold, just as it lay, at the mouth of 
the shaft, at one dollar a pound; and the man who 
bought it " packed " it on mules a hundred and 
fifty or two hundred miles, over the mountains, to 
San Francisco, satisfied that it would yield at a rate 
that would richly compensate him for his trouble. 
The Wide West people also commanded their fore- 
man to refuse any but their own operatives per- 
mission to enter the mine at any time or for any 
purpose. I kept up my "blue" meditations and 
Higbie kept up a deal of thinking, too, but of a 
different sort. He puzzled over the " rock," exam- 
ined it with a glass, inspected it in different lights 
and from different points of view, and after each 
experiment delivered himself, in soliloquy, of one 
and the same unvarying opinion in the same unvary- 
ing formula : 

11 It is not Wide West rock!" 

He said once or twice that he meant to have a 
look into the Wide West shaft if he got shot for it. 
I was wretched, and did not care whether he got a 
look into it or not. He failed that day, and tried 
again at night; failed again; got up at dawn and 
tried, and failed again. Then he lay in ambush in 
the sage-brush hour after hour, waiting for the two 
or three hands to adjourn to the shade of a boulder 
for dinner; made a start once, but was premature 
— one of the men came back for something ; tried 



Roughing It 311 

it again, but when almost at the mouth of the shaft, 
another of the men rose up from behind the boulder 
as if to reconnoitre, and he dropped on the ground 
and lay quiet; presently he crawled on his hands 
and knees to the mouth of the shaft, gave a quick 
glance around, then seized the rope and slid down 
the shaft. He disappeared in the gloom of a " side 
drift ' ' just as a head appeared in the mouth of the 
shaft and somebody shouted " Hello!" — which he 
did not answer. He was not disturbed any more. 
An hour later he entered the cabin, hot, red, and 
ready to burst with smothered excitement, and ex- 
claimed in a stage whisper : 

" I knew it ! We are rich ! It's A BLIND LEAD !" 

I thought the very earth reeled under me. Doubt 
— conviction — doubt again — exultation — hope, 
amazement, belief, unbelief — every emotion im- 
aginable swept in wild procession through my heart 
and brain, and I could not speak a word. After a 
moment or two of this mental fury, I shook myself 
to rights, and said : 

" Say it again!" 

"It's a blind lead!" 

"Cal., let's — let's burn the house — or kill 
somebody! Let's get out where there's room to 
hurrah! But what is the use? It is a hundred 
times too good to be true." 

" It's a blind lead for a million ! — hanging wall — 
foot wall — clay casings — everything complete ! ' ' 
He swung his hat and gave three cheers, and I cast 



312 Roughing It 

doubt to the winds and chimed in with a will. For 
I was worth a million dollars, and did not care 
" whether school kept or not!" 

But perhaps I ought to explain. A " blind lead " 
is a lead or ledge that does not " crop out" above 
the surface. A miner does not know where to look 
for such leads, but they are often stumbled upon by- 
accident in the course of driving a tunnel or sinking 
a shaft. Higbie knew the Wide West rock perfectly 
well, and the more he had examined the new 
developments the more he was satisfied that the ore 
could not have come from the Wide West vein. 
And so had it occurred to him alone, of all the 
camp, that there was a blind lead down in the shaft, 
and that even the Wide West people themselves did 
not suspect it. He was right. When he went down 
the shaft, he found that the blind lead held its inde- 
pendent way through the Wide West vein, cutting it 
diagonally, and that it was enclosed in its own well- 
defined casing-rocks and clay. Hence it was public 
property. Both leads being perfectly well defined, 
it was easy for any miner to see which one belonged 
to the Wide West and which did not. 

We thought it well to have a strong friend, and 
therefore we brought the foreman of the Wide West 
to our cabin that night and revealed the great sur- 
prise to him. Higbie said : 

" We are going to take possession of this blind 
lead, record it and establish ownership, and then 
forbid the Wide West company to take out any 



Roughing It 3 13 

more of the rock. You cannot help your company 
in this matter — nooody can help them. I will go 
into the shaft with you and prove to your entire 
satisfaction that it is a blind lead. Now we propose 
to take you in with us, and claim the blind lead in 
our three names. What do you say?" 

What could a man say who had an opportunity 
to simply stretch forth his hand and take possession 
of a fortune without risk of any kind and without 
wronging any one or attaching the least taint of 
dishonor to his name? He could only say, 
" Agreed." 

The notice was put up that night, and duly spread 
upon the recorder's books before ten o'clock. We 
claimed two hundred ieet each — six hundred feet 
in all — the smallest and compactest organization in 
the district, ana the easiest to manage. 

No one can be so thoughtless as to suppose that 
we slept that night. Higbie and I went to bed at 
midnight, but it was only to lie broad awake and 
think, dream, scheme. The floorless, tumble-down 
cabin was a palace, the ragged gray blankets silk, 
the furniture rosewood and mahogany. Each new 
splendor that burst out of my visions of the future 
whirled me bodily over in bed or jerked me to a 
sitting posture just as if an electric battery had been 
applied to me. We shot fragments of conversation 
back and forth at each other. Once Higbie said : 

14 When are you going home — to the States?" 

" To-morrow!" — with an evolution or two, end- 



314 Roughing It 

ing with a sitting position. " Well — no — but next 
month, at furthest.' ' 

" We'll go in the same steamer/' 

" Agreed.'' 

A pause. 

"Steamer of the ioth?" 

"Yes. No, the ist," 

••All right." 

Another pause. 

*' Where are you going to live?" said Higbie. 

'• San Francisco." 

••That's me!" 

Pause. 

* ' Too high — too much climbing ' ' — from Higbie 

••What is?" 

* € I was thinking of Russian Hill — building a 
house up there." 

'•Too much climbing? Shan't you keep a car- 
riage?" 

•' Of course. I forgot that." 

Pause. 

**Cal., what kind of a house are you going to 
build?" 

•• I was thinking about that. Three-story and an 
attic." 

" But what kind?" 
Well, I don't hardly know. Brick, I suppose." 



"B 



"Why? What is your idea?" 

" Brown - stone front — French plate glass 



Roughing It 315 

billiard-room off the dining-room — statuary and 
paintings — shrubbery and two-acre grass plat — 
greenhouse — iron dog on the front stoop — gray 
horses — landau, and a coachman with a bug on his 
hat!" 

" By George!" 

A long pause. 

" Cal., when are you going to Europe?" 

"Well — I hadn't thought of that. When are 
you?" 

" In the spring." 

" Going to be gone all summer?" 

" All summer ! I shall remain there three years." 

" No — but are you in earnest?" 

"Indeed I am." 

" I will go along too." 

" Why of course you will." 

" What part of Europe shall you go to?" 

" All parts. France, England, Germany — Spain, 
Italy, Switzerland, Syria, Greece, Palestine, Arabia, 
Persia, Egypt — all over — everywhere." 

" I'm agreed." 

"All right." 

" Won't it be a swell trip !" 

" We'll spend forty or fifty thousand dollars try- 
ing to make it one, anyway." 

Another long pause. 

" Higbie, we owe the butcher six dollars, and he 
has been threatening to stop our — " 

"Hang the butcher!" 



316 Roughing It 

"Amen." 

And so it went on. By three o'clock we found it 
was no use, and so we got up and played cribbage 
and smoked pipes till sunrise. It was my week to 
cook. I always hated cooking — now, I abhorred 
it. 

The news was all over town. The former excite- 
ment was great — this one was greater still. I 
walked the streets serene and happy. Higbie said 
the foreman had been offered two hundred thousand 
dollars for his third of the mine. I said I would 
like to see myself selling for any such price. My 
ideas were lofty. My figure was a million. Still, 
I honestly believe that if I had been offered it, it 
would have had no other effect than to make me 
hold off for more. 

I found abundant enjoyment in being rich. A 
man offered me a three-hundred-dollar horse, and 
wanted to take my simple, unendorsed note for it. 
That brought the most realizing sense I had yet had 
that I was actually rich, beyond shadow of doubt. 
It was followed by numerous other evidences of a 
similar nature — among which I may mention the 
fact of the butcher leaving us a double supply of 
meat and saying nothing about money. 

By the laws of the district, the "locators" or 
claimants of a ledge were obliged to do a fair and 
reasonable amount of work on their new property 
within ten days after the date of the location, or the 
property was forfeited, and anybody could go and 



Roughing It 317 

seize it that chose. So we determined to go to work 
the next day. About the middle of the afternoon, 
as I was coming out of the post-office, I met a Mr. 
Gardiner, who told me that Capt. John Nye was 
lying dangerously ill at his place (the "Nine-Mile 
Ranch"), and that he and his wife were not able 
to give him nearly as much care and attention as his 
case demanded. I said if he would wait for me a 
moment, I would go down and help in the sick 
room. I ran to the cabin to tell Higbie. He was 
not there, but I left a note on the table for him, and 
a, few minutes later I left town in Gardiner's wagon. 



CHAPTER XLI. 

CAPTAIN NYE was very ill indeed, with spas- 
modic rheumatism. But the old gentleman 
was himself — which is to say, he was kind-hearted 
and agreeable when comfortable, but a singularly 
violent wildcat when things did not go well. He 
would be smiling along pleasantly enough, when a 
sudden spasm of his disease would take him and he 
would go out of his smile into a perfect fury. He 
would groan and wail and howl with the anguish, 
and fill up the odd chinks with the most elaborate 
profanity that strong convictions and a fine fancy 
could contrive. With fair opportunity he could 
swear very well and handle his adjectives with con- 
siderable judgment; but when the spasm was on 
him it was painful to listen to him, he was so awk- 
ward. However, I had seen him nurse a sick man 
himself and put up patiently with the inconveniences 
of the situation, and consequently I was willing that 
he should have full license now that his own turn 
had come. He could not disturb me, with all his 
raving and ranting, for my mind had work on hand, 
and it labored on diligently, night and day, whether 

(318) 



Roughing It 319 

my hands were idle or employed. I was altering 
and amending the plans for my house, and thinking 
over the propriety of having the billiard-room in the 
attic, instead of on the same floor with the dining- 
room ; also, I was trying to decide between green 
and blue for the upholster)' of the drawing-room, 
for, although my preference was blue I feared it was 
a color that would be too easily damaged by dust 
and sunlight; likewise while I was content to put 
the coachman in a modest livery, I was uncertain 
about a footman — I needed one, and was even re- 
solved to have one, but wished he could properly 
appear and perform his functions out of livery, for 
I somewhat dreaded so much show; and yet, inas- 
much as my late grandfather had had a coachman 
and such things, but no liveries, I felt rather drawn 
to beat him ; — or beat his ghost, at any rate ; I was 
also systematizing the European trip, and managed 
to get it all laid out, as to route and length of time 
to be devoted to it — everything, with one exception 
— namely, whether to cross the desert from Cairo 
to Jerusalem per camel, or go by sea to Beirut, and 
thence down through the country per caravan. 
Meantime I was writing to the friends at home every 
day, instructing them concerning all my plans and 
intentions, and directing them to look up a hand- 
some homestead for my mother and agree upon a 
price for it against my coming, and also directing 
them to sell my share of the Tennessee land and 
tender the proceeds to the widows' and orphans' 



320 Roughing It 

fund of the typographical union of which I had long 
been a member in good standing. [This Tennessee 
land had been in the possession of the family many 
years, and promised to confer high fortune upon us 
some day; it still promises it, but in a less violent 
way.] 

When I had been nursing the Captain nine days 
he was somewhat better, but very feeble. During 
the afternoon we lifted him into a chair and gave 
him an alcoholic vapor bath, and then set about 
putting him on the bed again. We had to be ex- 
ceedingly careful, for the least jar produced pain. 
Gardiner had his shoulders and I his legs ; in an 
unfortunate moment I stumbled and the patient fell 
heavily on the bed in an agony of torture. I never 
heard a man swear so in my life. He raved like a 
maniac, and tried to snatch a revolver from the 
table — but I got it. He ordered me out of the 
house, and swore a world of oaths that he would kill 
me wherever he caught me when he got on his feet 
again. It was simply a passing fury, and meant 
nothing. I knew he would forget it in an hour, and 
maybe be sorry for it, too ; but it angered me a 
little, at the moment. So much so, indeed, that I 
determined to go back to Esmeralda. I thought 
he was able to get along alone, now, since he was 
on the warpath. I took supper, and as soon as the 
moon rose, began my nine-mile journey, on foot. 
Even millionaires needed no horses, in those days, 
for a mere nine-mile jaunt without baggage. 



Roughing It 321 

As I '* raised the hill" overlooking the town, it 
lacked fifteen minutes of twelve. I glanced at the 
hill over beyond the canyon, and in the bright 
moonlight saw what appeared to be about half the 
population of the village massed on and around the 
Wide West croppings. My heart gave an exulting 
bound, and I said to myself, " They have made a 
new strike to-night— and struck it richer than ever, 
no doubt." I started over there, but gave it up. 
I said the " strike " would keep, and I had climbed 
hills enough for one night. I went on down through 
the town, and as I was passing a little German 
bakery, a woman ran out and begged me to come in 
and help her. She said her husband had a fit. I 
went in, and judged she was right — he appeared to 
have a hundred of them, compressed into one. 
Two Germans were there, trying to hold him, and 
not making much of a success of it. I ran up the 
street half a block or so and routed out a sleeping 
doctor, brought him down half dressed, and we tour 
wrestled with the maniac, and doctored, drenched 
and bled hirn, for more than an hour, and the poor 
German woman did the crying. He grew quiet, 
now, and the doctor and I withdrew and left him to 
his friends. 

It was a little after one o'clock. As I entered 
the cabin door, tired but jolly, the dingy light of a 
tallow candle revealed Higbie, sitting by the pine 
table gazing stupidly at my note, which he held in 
his fingers, and looking pale, old, and haggard. I 
21 . 



322 Roughing It 

halted, and looked at him. He looked at me, 
stolidly, I said : 

" Higbie, what — what is it?" 

" We're ruined — we didn't do the work — THE 
BLIND LEAD'S RELOCATED !" 

It was enough. I sat down sick, grieved — ■ 
broken-hearted, indeed. A minute before, I was rich 
and brimful of vanity; I was a pauper now, and 
very meek. We sat still an hour, busy with thought, 
busy with vain and useless self-upbraidings, busy 
with "Why didn't I do this, and why didn't I do 
that," but neither spoke a word. Then we dropped 
into mutual explanations, and the mystery was 
cleared away. It came out that Higbie had de- 
pended on me, as I had on him, and as both of us 
had on the foreman. The folly of it! It was the 
first time that ever staid and steadfast Higbie had 
left an important matter to chance or failed to be 
true to his full share of a responsibility. 

But he had never seen my note till this moment, 
and this moment was the first time he had been in 
the cabin since the day he had seen me last. He, 
also, had left a note for me, on that same fatal after- 
noon — had ridden up on horseback, and looked 
through the window, and being in a hurry and not 
seeing me, had tossed the note into the cabin 
through a broken pane. Here it was, on the floor, 
where it had remained undisturbed for nine days: 

" Don't fail to do the work before the ten days expire. W. has 
passed through and given me notice. I am to join him at Mono Lake, 



Roughing It 323 

and we shall go on from there to-night. He says he will find it this 
time, sure. Cal." 

"W." meant Whiteman, of course. That thrice 
accursed " cement " ! 

That was the way of it. An old miner, like 
Higbie, could no more withstand the fascination of 
a mysterious mining excitement like this " cement " 
foolishness, than he could refrain from eating when 
he was famishing. Higbie had been dreaming about 
the marvelous cement for months ; and now, against 
his better judgment, he had gone off and "taken 
the chances ' ' on my keeping secure a mine worth a 
million undiscovered cement veins. They had not 
been followed this time. His riding out of town in 
broad daylight was such a commonplace thing to do 
that it had not attracted any attention. He said they 
prosecuted their search in the fastnesses of the 
mountains during nine days, without success ; they 
could not find the cement. Then a ghastly fear 
came over him that something might have happened 
to prevent the doing of the necessary work to hold 
the blind lead (though indeed he thought such a 
thing hardly possible) and forthwith he started 
home with all speed. He would have reached 
Esmeralda in time, but his horse broke down and he 
had to walk a great part of the distance. And so it 
happened that as he came into Esmeralda by one 
road, I entered it by another. His was the superior 
energy, however, for he went straight to the Wide 
West, instead of turning aside as I had done — and 



324 Roughing It 

he arrived there about five or ten minutes too late I 
The "notice" was already up, the " relocation " 
of our mine completed beyond recall, and the crowd 
rapidly dispersing. He learned some facts before 
he left the ground. The foreman had not been 
seen about the streets since the night we had located 
the mine — a telegram had called him to California 
on a matter of life and death, it was said. At any 
rate he had done no work and the watchful eyes of 
the community were taking note of the fact. At 
midnight of this woful tenth day, the ledge would 
be "relocatable," and by eleven o'clock the hill 
was black with men prepared to do the relocating. 
That was the crowd I had seen when I fancied a 
new "strike" had been made — idiot that I was. 
[We three had the same right to relocate the lead 
that other people had, provided we were quick 
enough.] As midnight was announced, fourteen 
men, duly armed and ready to back their proceed- 
ings, put up their " notice " and proclaimed their 
ownership of the blind lead, under the new name of 
the " Johnson." But A. D. Allen, our partner (the 
foreman), put in a sudden appearance about that 
time, with a cocked revolver in his hand, and said 
his name must be added to the list, or he would 
"thin out the Johnson company some." He was 
a manly, splendid, determined fellow, and known to 
be as good as his word, and therefore a compromise 
was effected. They put in his name for a hundred 
feet, reserving to themselves the customary two 



Roughing It 325 

hundred feet each. Such was the history of the 
night* s events, as JJigbie gathered from a friend on 
the way home. 

Higbie and I cleared out on a new mining excite- 
ment the next morning, glad to get away from the 
scene of our sufferings, and after a month or two of 
hardship and disappointment, returned to Esmeralda 
once more. Then we learned that the Wide West 
and the Johnson companies had consolidated ; that 
the stock, thus united, comprised five thousand feet, 
or shares ; that the foreman, apprehending tiresome 
litigation, and considering such a huge concern 
unwieldy, had sold his hundred feet for ninety thou- 
sand dollars in gold and gone home to the States to 
enjoy it. If the stock was worth such a gallant 
figure, with five thousand shares in the corporation, 
it makes me dizzy to think what it would have been 
worth with only our original six hundred in it. It 
was the difference between six hundred men owning 
a house and five thousand owning it. We would 
have been millionaires if we had only worked with 
pick and spade one little day on our property and 
so secured our ownership ! 

It reads like a wild fancy sketch, but the evidence 
of many witnesses, and likewise that of the official 
records of Esmeralda District, is easily obtainable in 
proof that it is a true history. I can always have it 
to say that I was absolutely and unquestionably 
worth a million dollars, once, for ten days. 

A year ago my esteemed and in every way esti- 



526 Roughing It 

mable old millionaire partner, Higbie, wrote me 
from an obscure little mining camp in California 
that after nine or ten years of bufferings and hard 
striving, he was at last in a position where he could 
command twenty-five hundred dollars, and said he 
meant to go into the fruit business in a modest way. 
How such a thought would have insulted him the 
night we lay in our cabin planning European trips 
and brown-stone houses on Russian Hill! 









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